Fighting Constantly...& Bankruptcy?

Question

i have no doubt that our anger stems from the bankruptcy we are currently going through. we are 24 and 29 years and we have 2 year old daughter. i can not help my temper, every time i see him i just get so angry, we can't have a conversation or even ask a question without belittling or yelling at each other. i feel horrible, and i am not actually mad at him, just stressed, scared and tired...i hate all this arguing, i am afraid we are doomed for divorce... is there anything we can do. we'd never do counseling, we know people who've done it and just ended up getting divorced anyways.

we're in a desperate money pinch right now. we both work, so we hardly see each other, opposite shifts so we don't need a sitter, and we have no money. will things get better when the bankruptcy is over? is there anything we can do? i'm desperate to stop being so mad.

Answer 1

if you both have jobs why dont you have any money? do you actually know the answer to this question?  what caused your money situation to get out of control?  is it  a loan or mortgage you cant pay?  you can contact the bank and talk to them about it.  you can also do this with credit cards.  there is a book out called ' debt cures they dont want you to know about'  and also, what do you spend money on right now?  things you dont need?  why cant you two talk about it like two adults?

taking action and agreeing to and committing to a course of action is not a cause to argue, it is a reason to cooperate with each other and learn from your mistakes with money and correct these mistakes. if you are furious because you and he are not pulling together with this critical situation, perhaps you can sit down with pen and paper and craft a course of action.  can your parents help you, a mentor, a credit counselor, a professor at school, someone in authority that you trust?  

one of my employees is going thru a foreclosure, she faced it and is paying the price for a bad decision and will not have good credit when this is done and will have to rent for a long time, but, she is not yelling at her husband about it, they got in it together they are seeing it thru together.  i hate to tell you this but many many young people have spent too much money in the last few years and have lost high paying jobs and are financially seeing a harsh reality.  did your husband have a good job he lost and you no longer respect him?   this is more common than you think right now.  

IF  you have a bankruptcy and learn from it and do not overspend and resist temptation to buy things you cant afford, use credit you cant afford and are not responsible this is deeper than money. if you can learn from this and go forward, you are in company with a lot of people your age who will learn from this and live within their means.  

if you have no money for heavens sake dont get pregnant.  and by the way good counseling is a godsend for people, but i can get you a shortcut.  google "  can this marriage be saved"  and read all the case histories, and you will learn a lot about marriage.  also, read books on how to budget, suze orman has written several just for people like you.  

you can do this, but you must stop the bickering and yelling.  it is not good for your kid.  you will be even poorer when you divorce, so why dont the two of you pull together to achieve the goal of financial security?  anyone, anyone can do it.  anyone.  if your husband cant do it, you learn how to manage your money and become the family expert.  but no more yelling.  no more.  

again, take action to resolve this situation, and dont do it again, and, use each second of your day to get closer to your financial goals.  you are young and can start over,  you have precious time, dont disable yourself with stress. use the fear to take action and do smart things.  

Answer 2

I know many people going through bankruptcy I know people who have been through it. Trust me none of them would have if it was not for their jobs going over seas or bad health for some reason of that nature. It's better to do it then it is to have bills you can't pay hang over your head. These so called Debt companies do not work so well. They make a deal with creditors to pay off debts but there does come a time when your creditor will want more money and your right back where you started. Debt relief a way to rip off people who are in serious money problems.

So don't let it stress you out so bad you can't function. Some people can be hateful towards bankruptcy but normal every day people don't have mommy and daddy or someone else to help them out.

Those poeple have things handed to em on a silver platter.

I think once you go to court and your bankruptcy is done a weight will be lifted off your shoulders. You should be ok it's nothing new to fight and be worried over money.

You have to do what you need to for your family. Hey you know what times are bad right now REAL BAD! Many people with out jobs can't just go get on welfare because of the people who stays on the system their whole lives and just keep popping out kids.

The stress is I think from money worries and so much stress you have to let some of that stress out. That would probably be the reason why your fightng.

Just hang in there and I do hope things get better for you.

Answer 3

i am going through similar. except our debt got so bad that we couldn't make rent, THEN i got put in the hospital (ER) for 11 days, and we lost our place... so we moved in with my mother. we have a 10-month-old. it's awful, to say the least.

we fought and argued about everything...e v e r y t h i n g.  it was mostly me, since he didn't seem phased by our current lifestyle and how embarrassing it is to say that you're married, but live with your mom. idk. things got so bad between us, that he moved out today. he went to live with his mother. i KNOW that once all of our bills are paid off and we can get back on our feet, the fighting will be gone. i won't have a reason to be pissed off at his immature spending habits, and i won't be dealing with collector calls all day and stressing about how we're going to pay the cell bill for the month when BofA is threatening to send us to collections in a week if we don't put forth $400 minimum.

yeah.

for the sake of my sanity, i hope things get better. :/

good luck to you (and me!). just know you definitely aren't alone.  

Answer 4

Try to be together in such tin\meof problem hold yourslef as i think no good reasons to be mad

Answer 5

both of you must TALK.

there is nothing that can`t be done when two mature people discuss probable solution to a prob, remember that it is not only you who is carrying the burden, don`t forget your daughter, she might not understand the whys of the fighting but she certainly will be affected mentally..it will show when she`ll grow up.

why not give each other some breathing space?

Answer 6

the whole bankruptcy "thing" last for 7 years on your credit.  you are so young to have bankruptcy on your credit.  who gave you advice to do that?  unless you really work hard at it, you will divorce.  can you go to counseling?  figure out something OTHER than bankruptcy?

Answer 7

If you'd never do counseling, you will never find out what the REAL problems are.. so if you "get a divorce anyway" you will likely repeat the same mistakes over again in the next relationship and find yourself married to the same person who looks different.

Answer 8

I would say that you need to tell him how you are feeling. Just say that you know that you are both stressed, that you are feeling insecure and lost and that you know you will pull through this if you work together on this. And tell him that you love him.