Fighting a losing battle?

Question

My daughter is almost 3 and she has started to roll her eyes and for some reason when she doesnt want something, instead of saying "no" she screams it. I get onto her about her attitude and she stomps away and does this closed mouth yell/grunt/growl......its like shes yelling at me without opening her mouth.

Okay so should I keep getting onto her and reiterating that she's just the kid and I am the boss and she needs to listen to me or just let her stomp off until she forgets about it. Reminder, she's only 3. If I get down on her level and tell her that she cant talk to me like that and she needs to listen, she looks to the left or right, not at me. And if I tell her something and ask if she understands, just getting a "yes" out of her is like pulling teeth. Im so frustrated because her father used to have an issue with authority and I dont want to push her away so far that she rebels just because. Help please!

Answer 1

Ok I do not want to be mean but has she been watching to much tv if so what does it could be where she gets her attitude from. With my little sister we do this thing where when my little sister acts up me my dad or my mom count to 10 when we get to ten if she hasn't stopped acting up and apologized then she gets a strike three stikes and she has to suffer the consocince like not going to a party ,going to her room blah blah ect. Hope I helped,Claire!!!

Answer 2

when my son did that, i smacked him once and he never did it again...but it seems like this has been going on for a while...

Answer 3

In our family, disobedience and blatant disrespect merit a spanking.  I have three children that are 3 or older, and I've never seen anything approaching the behavior you're describing.  I've never even seen anything close to "the terrible twos."  You definitely shouldn't let her just stomp off.  There need to be immediate consequences for her conduct, and I would suggest spanking.

Answer 4

Your doing just fine.  I would keep up what your doing and make it a point to let her have her moment then calmly talk to her about it after she is done being angry.  She just needs to have you talk to her and explain why she was told no instead of just a solid no take a minute and get down on her level and explain once she is calmed down from the original no.  That way she can feel comfort in knowing she will get explaination on why it is a no.

Momma_Bear

Answer 5

Try punishments like taking away tv or something she really likes. does she play with toys, dolls? Maybe try taking her most favorites away and tell her that she needs to earn them back by not having an attitude. same with tv if she watches it. tell her she can keep all her things as long as she has a good attitude. or maybe try buying something like a toy but tell her she cant play with it unless she goes a day without an attitude. or just use candy. kids can be bribed into doing amazing things. or if she likes the park or somewhere like that, tell her that if at the end of the week you will take her there if she was good the whole week.

Im not a parent so i dont know if this will work, I hope it does or at least give you ideas. Good luck!

its great that you care so much about your daughter.

Answer 6

What you have to teach her is that there is a right way and a wrong way to express herself.  It is perfectly okay for her to be angry and frustrated, but it is unacceptable for her to express it the way she has been.

You do this by not engaging her.  If she is having an attitude problem, you don't talk to her or try to reason with her, you simply say "Time out." in an authoritative way, and set her on the naughty spot.  If she screams and throws a fit, so be it.  If she gets up, you set her down again, WITHOUT SPEAKING TO HER.  What this teaches her is that when she communicates in a way that isn't appropriate, no one will talk to her or pay her any attention.

Once she serves her time out properly, ask her for apologies for her behavior (she must say she is sorry for time out to be over).  Then tell her that it is okay for her to be upset, but that isn't the right way to tell you so.  You have to respect her feelings if you expect her to respect you as well.

The real key here is DON'T LOSE YOUR TEMPER!  She is trying to get attention and be in control.  If she is able to push your buttons, she is winning.

Answer 7

Wow. Frustrating. I feel your pain. For what it's worth, we've had a similar challenge with our daughter (now 4.5).

For us, what worked was not engaging the behaviour -- arguing with a 3 year old will only leave you all frustrated and feeling lousy. That said, we also found that if we avoided statements (and questions with "yes" and "no" answers), it eliminated most of the problem... instead of saying "it's time to get ready for bed," we said, "do you want to brush your hair or your teeth first"... Truthfully, occasionally we still have a semi-hysterical "NOOOOOOOOOO" and a toddler running out of the room; but involving them in the decision making worked most of the time for us.

The other thing that we find works for us is to avoid solo time-outs. Note: this technique is not for everyone! :) My daughter will scream herself sick once she's on a tear, so sending her to a timeout in her room was totally counterproductive for all of us. Instead, when she had a meltdown, we'd remove her from the situation (usually to her room), and sit in the room with her -- generally just being in the room, not trying to sit her on our laps, or discuss things with her while she was upset. Engaging the tantrum just prolonged it for her... instead, we let her have her "say" (or, scream), and when she started to calm down, we'd ask her if she was ready to talk about what we could have done differently...

Now, a year and a half later, she will actually generally go up to her room to cool off on her own, if she's feeling (as she puts it) cranky... Sometimes, when it's a really big upset, we still sit together.

Long story short: my advice is to try framing things in a positive way, and to offer her some measure of control over what is happening. Kids need to assert their independence, and to find out where the boundaries are. You can give them both in a non-confrontational way that might leave you both feeling better about things at the end of the day... Good luck! And rememeber, this too shall pass (hopefully!!)

take care.