Fighting over discipline?

Question

I hate the way my husband disciplines the kids. I feel he is very harsh and that they get in trouble over every little thing. He screams and cusses in their face and I feel he spanks too hard. I'm not an angel by any means I yell too. But, I only lose my temper once in a while. I feel like he is constantly losing his. For example: My child leaves a toy in the yard. I feel it's good enough to tell them they left it there and have them go pick it up. He screams at them about it for like five minutes and threatens to throw away any F-ing toy they leave out. If they do it again he spanks them hard plus puts them in time out for hours. He tells me how to discipline and if they get a spanking from me he says right in front of them that I don't do it hard enough and if they mess up again they'll get it from him. I can't stand it. This is my only problem with him, but I feel it's a huge one. He is loving to them as well, but I feel like the bad stuff is too much. I think about divorce quite often. I don't know what to do anymore. I try and talk to him about it and he gets mad at me saying that I just want them to be able to do whatever they want. Any thoughts or suggestions or similar situations?

Answer 1

My dad was like that when i was little. i really think think your husband needs anger management classes because if the kids do something stupid as a teenager or something, he might hurt them really bad. was his father that kind of disciplinarian? or did something traumatic happen to him? is sounds like something in his life triggered this anger that he just can't seem to get over. you should tell him that if he doesn't change his ways or get some help you'll divorce him, if that's the only way to get through to him. if you are able to just talk to him about it and have him get help then that would be better.

Answer 2

WOW! You guys are bullying your children.

And cursing at them?  That is a form of child abuse.

I suggest that you both take parenting classes together.  

These are your children!  If they forgot a toy in the yard, don't be lazy or selfish bring it for them and remind

What you're both are doing is not okay,

Embrass them, and love them tenderly,,, they will get enough c**p from the outside world

Answer 3

Divorce may help you get away, but it won't stop his temperament with the kids if he sees them. You guys need to talk about this. Better yet, do you have a video camera? Act like you are filming the kids doing cute stuff and then record him in his rage. I wonder what he would think if he actually saw his own reaction to things so little.

It's ok to discipline your kids, but he is taking it a bit far by spanking, cussing AND putting them in time out. He might be repressing something, so you might ask what is going on with him. Lead him to a discussion of how he treats the kids, and see what you can do about it. He's taking something out on them, you need to help him figure out what that is.  

Answer 4

http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Ange...

Answer 5

sounds like he was abused as a child and this is all he knows.  tell him if he wants to continue living there he needs to make the kids understand the rules, not kill them. maybe that will wake him up.  he needs professional help. think of this, if the child is bruised and a neighbor, friend or the school sees it they will call child abuse and then u will have the child taken away. tell him to cool it because if this happens... he will go to jail and u may too.  be real careful.  

Answer 6

Well, kids have to be disciplined, but the guy seems a little overboard. I'd casually ask him if he really wanted his children to remember their childhood as their father yelling at them all the time. Personally, I don't think you need to yell or scream at children, doing so means you're out of control. There are more ways to discipline children than yelling, screaming, and spanking them. I do believe children should be spanked, but you don't have to yell at them all the time. Perhaps you can get him to go to a parenting seminar or something.

Answer 7

Wow that is not good ways to discipline at all.  He will cause those children to have major issues when they become adults and see themselves as "bad" or having many imperfections. My husband couldn't care less if our daughter left a toy in the yard; He doesn't even care if she spills her milk or plays with her food sometimes! She's 2! They are going to do those things. My husband told her No this morning firmly when she began to disasemble the shoe rack, and she listened and that was the end of that. Your husband should not be shouting at those kids, or spanking. We don't spank at all and though some parents think that is the best and only way to discipline, our children listen and do as they are told. We are a loving family first and foremost. It sounds like your husband needs anger management, and if you are thinking about divorce it doesn't sound like the worst thing. Does he drink alcohol by chance? Something is def wrong.  

Answer 8

Seek family counseling.

Answer 9

well you too need to talk about this and also in this day and age he should be very careful on spanking the kids you don't want problems with the law but talk about it and try to compromise its the only way  

Answer 10

your husband is emotionally abusing and physically abusing the kids and you're standing by watching it.  you need to protect your kids.  tell him you will leave if it doesnt stop, for you guys to seek counseling and if he refuses, leave.  you are thier mother, you need to protect them, you are enabling the abuse of your own children  

Answer 11

Me, I'd leave too.  I had an ex who OVER spanked my first 2 children that weren't his.

Stop the abusive spankings and have him leave   or you and the kids do

Answer 12

there is always good cop, bad cop, in parenting it doesn't necessary mean that one is less effective, talk it over after s*x when he is most relaxed and calm

Answer 13

Husband is a real bully with deep psychological problems.

asap:

You need to take the kids  To a woman's shelter when he's at work or at a friends' home. They keep it anonymous. You and they are heading for an early grave and I'm nit kidding. Husband must be charged with child abuse and jailed, then into a psychiatrist's office to get psych tests for emotional and behavioral disorders, including 6 anxiety disorder categories.

This is VERY serious and you cannot wait another day.

There is no doubt he is dangerous who has to be stopped in his tracks. IN the shelter, have them arrange for you to go to the cops and you MUST file  charges against him for child abuse for the kids and physical / emotional abuse. If in the shelter you spell out all the beating and other  things, verbal ABUSE, AND IF ANY KID NEEDED MEDICAL ATTENTION FROM YOU AT ALL OR A DOCTOR, THEY WILL HELP YOU GET A CRIMINAL ORDER OF PROTECTION AGAINST HIM...

...do no pt take this lightly>< this has been known top excalate into murdersa and I'VE READ ABOUT THESE THINGS. DO NOT BE IN DENIAL.

DO NOT TELL HUBBY WHAT YOU WILL DO, becuase he'll grtab a knife or beqat your brains in...

gO TODAYU IF POSSIBLE WITH THOSE KIDS AND DO NOT RETURN . tHE WOMEN'S SHELTER KEEPS YOUR WHEREABOUTS ANONYMOUS AND THEY WILL HELP YOU HAVE HIM ARRERSTED. d0N;T THINK YOU CAN REASON WITH YOUR H7USBAND,. HE IS h**l BENT ON BEATING THEIR BRAINS IN AND YOUR TOO.! hE IS DISTRUIBED BI G TIME.'

i HAD TWO DAUGHTERS AND KNEW PEOPLE WHO GOT ARRESTED FOR JUST THE THING i;M TELLING YOU ABOUT. hE is DANGEROUS...

O NOT GO TO A RELATIVE'S HOME opr friends' hom EITHER. sPELLL OUT THE EXACT NATURE OIF HIS DISCIPLINE to the shleter and cops  tHE THINGS HE DOES ARE not DISCIPLINING THEY ARE TERRORIZING ALL OF YOU AND CAUSING PHYSICAL HARM. wAKE UP AND REALIZE YOU ARE MARRIED TO AN INSANE DISTRUBED MAN.

sORRY TO HAVE TO GIVE YOU THE NEWS.

ps_ mY MOTHER DID SIMILAR THINGS TO ME. i AM now A SENIOR CITIZEN WHO HAS HAD NO CONTACT WITH HER FOR YEARS, RAGEAHOLICS START TO USE WEAPONS AND THIS IS THE NEXT STEP FOR HIM. i HAVE LONG AVOIDED MY MOTHER AND DAD IS DEAD. tHEY WERE BOTH SEVER ABUSERS LIKE YOUR MAN.

Answer 14

Wow get that guy in counseling or something. Some talking to them maybe yelling without swearing and spanking is ok but swearing at them?  Spanking too hard and over everything?  Those kids will be screwed up I have seen it I am a Cop.  If he doesn't change I'd get rid of him.

Answer 15

I am 46 years old and I still bare the scars from a screaming father.  The emotional damage from screaming parents is sometimes non reversible.  I have been struggling with it for many years.  I love my dad dearly, but for many years after I left home, I would not speak to him.  The scars were too fresh.  I grew up so scared of him, I never had time to get to know him and love him like a dad wants.  Do you want that for your children?  Get him and yourself into some parenting classes.  

We are to take care and guide these children, not scare the total c**p out of them.  Yes, discipline is needed in a home, but not abuse.  Screaming at them is emotional abuse.