Fighting the depression demon....

Question

I have been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder. It was triggered with my mothers death and got worst with my fathers three years after her. I recently lost my job and have been feeling like quite the loser, but also finding myself putting on the "brave face" for everyone else because of their feelings. My fiance claims that he understands but the last time I heard him say that, I also found him staying away from me on purpose and ended up cheating on me. Least to say, this lay off doesnt come at a good time. My wedding is next month. My MOH and so called best friend hasnt even been there for me. She is too wrapped up into her new relationship. I want to say something to her, but just not sure if I should cause once again , 'dont want to hurt anyone feelings' or go off. I don't use my illness as an excuse. I never had. I take my meds and go to therapy because I know thats what I need to keep my balanced and healthy for myself and my family,but this past weekend, I had to get out. My anxiety is off the roof and I dont want to be under meds all day whilel my kids are all whilly nilly thru the house. so i went out and drank a little and I also did X. I just didnt want to feel. I called my therapist the next day and talked to him about it. i am not suicidal, though it feels like I am drowining. My fiance is not helping by making stupid self insecurity comments about my fidelity because he came in the house and I had left out with my girls. How do you tell the one you love that you arent helping me and I didnt want to be around you, so thats why I called my girls. I dont have to pretend with them, or talk about serious things all the time. They just want me to be happy.... I am truly in a lot of pain, thinking twice about my wedding and truly dont feel like the ones that I am there for ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT, are there for me. I am feel like i have been taken for granite. I am depressed and I know it. I am trying to pull myself out but its seems to be getting darker and darker...

Answer 1

You're definitely doing the right thing by taking your meds and continuing therapy. I'd stay away from the X for now. It uses up your seratonin leaving you depressed the next day. If you're already experiencing depression that could get ugly.

Don't look at your depression as one huge monolithic obstacle. It actually seems like 3 smaller things (although still important) - your partner, your wedding and your layoff.

Brief note - About 2 years ago I lost my wife, job, kids and house within a 6 month period. Today I'm happy, so I have some credibility here.

You & your partner should see a marriage counselor. You may even find one for free through a church.

Your MoH needs to step up and help coordinate the wedding. If she won't do that you need to 'demote' her to bridsemaid and find a new MoH.

You will find another job - it just takes time. Hopefully you can collect unemployment for now. You can also take a lower paying job while you search for your career.

It gets easier and more importantly it gets better.

Answer 2

just hang in there, im also going thru a deep depression, but you have to keep your chin up, and what ever may happen, fight it head on, and dont let it consume you. You have to stay strong, or you will never get better, life is what you make of it, so make the best of your situation, even if you feel like the most unfortunate person in the world, just keep going, and good luck to you, i hope you get better soon, and things start to lighten up for you

Answer 3

aww=( im sorry..get another job you feel comfortable with! And try too get out more with ur friends hang out get ur mind off the bad things.I've been depressed before alot..thats when i told one of my friends about everything thats been happening shes now my best friend never ever fought she pulled me out of the darkness:) you just gotta find someone who understands you. Just sit down with your fiance and tell him, if he truly loved you he would help you out and understand! Don't drink! It's not gonna help at all! And I suggest you start going to church =] I have started going it change me soo much there are soo many people so very kind to me they'd help you out! Reach to God he'll help you pray speak to him:] believe in him. I'll pray for you! You can do it!

Hope I helped=]

Answer 4

Take it easy on your self. It is expected that you have extra stress as your wedding approaches. You are already overloaded, and the wedding adds to your stress. So I wonder if you can call off your wedding until you feel better?

It seems you were on medications  recenlty, because most antidepressants take 3-4 weeks to work. So give your medication sometime, and try to relax.

I don`t see any reason why you don`t want to tell your fiancée he is not there for you? I once had the same problem. I came clean with my husband and told him he was not being supportive. He changed completely after that and gave me more support. So try to open up with people with whom you are close. You won`t hurt their feelings, don`t worry, and if they felt hurt, then it`s not your fault.

Answer 5

its kind of funny how i just randomly decided to look on here for some support for my ptsd and yours is the first i come across. although my past is nothing like yours, my current situation is pretty similar. i think as hard as it is to do your best thing would be to show your fiance your posts. I know that it will make you feel venerable, and bring fears of hurting him or his reaction, but your posts say EXACTLY how you feel and exactly what can be done to help you, he cannot completely support you until he completely understands it, and by showing him this and asking him to look up support on ptsd....it sounds like it will open up a whole new chapter for you because depressive disorders effect every part of your life, and until you have the full support of the important people, then you cannot fully begin to heal. And I think that I need to follow my own advice and do the same.... hopefully this will help you at a little and maybe give u a different side of it to consider....and thank you just for your post because it helps me see that im not alone and also see someone elses story and what they can do to help shows me what i should be doing! so i wish you well in life and your marriage and thank you as well

Answer 6

I think you need to think twice about your marriage. Now is not the time to be making lifetime commitments. Your depression needs to come first and be delt with. It may never go away... I deal with it too. I take the meds... I don't go to therapy anymore. I dealt with a physically abusive relationship for nine years, did the therapy and raised four boys by myself. I worked thru it, there is no way around it. You can't pretened to be better for everyone else's sake. If the people you are around don't understand, then they aren't your supporters. A person can't try and understand, in fact, unless they have walked in your shoes, the will not understand. All they can do is be there for you and listen. It takes a very strong, willing and patient person to be there for a depressed person like... us. You're fiance doesn't seem to be that sort of person, and to be honest it sounds like you need a break from him. It doesn't mean you need to stop loving that person, but he obiously can't see where you are, and can't reach out to you. You aren't in a position to be reaching out to others, to be there for them. You need to be thinking of what's best for you, so that you can be better. You need to get healthy. Concentrate on you. Put the other things off. The drinking and the "X"... isn't going to help you, even though I understand falling down. Just get back up and pick up where you left off. It's going to be okay, eventually, and if it helps, there is a God who will help you along the way. It's the only way I got where I am today. Feel free to contact me via email if you want help with that. Blessings, there is a way thru this. I promise.  

Answer 7

Well I'm sure just posting this has helped It's really important to be able to express your problems whether it is to a friend or a professional. I can understand your feelings about not wanting to seem like a "downer" around your friends, i have felt like that many times. I am sorry that I have no sound advice for this problem because I, myself, am still figuring it out. I find it best to reserve certain times to vent your feelings and frustrations rather than on a casual lunch date. For example, call your friends at night and say something like "Can we talk about some things that I am going through?". I am sure that your best friend is not aware that she is hurting you. If you do choice to speak with her about remember to use "I feel" statements and not "you" statements to avoid conflict and her feeling like she's being attacked. (trust me it works)!

            It sounds like your fiance is trying to distract you from your justified anger over him having an affair. Often times, to avoid useless arguements, it is good to address his issue despite how irrelevant or inane that you feel it is. By doing this, when you have talks about his infidelity (how foolish of him :)), the talks won't stray from the subject and turn into "remember when you did this!" fights, because we know those don't work!

          I can understand while you would be stressed, with everything you are doing (I counted: kids, wedding, his affair, unemployed, parents' death, anxiety and mood disorders). Those are all intense stress triggers for anybody. I'm sure your psychiatrist has given you some stress releif techniques. If not, you could ask him for some or I have several that I could share with you. Could you tell your doctor that you are feeling "hopeless", the quotations ae simply because hopelessness is a psychiatric term as a symptom of depression, I am not intending to belittle your feelings and your dilemna. If you need someone to talk who won't be judgemental and will listen to you, you can correspond with me if you like. Feel better and remember that nobody can make you feel bad if you dont let them!

      

Answer 8

My partner is fighting major depression himself.  For me, it can be really hard to know what to say or do, although I realise that his problems have nothing to do with me and sometimes he just needs his space.  I admit I do feel a little insecure sometimes but I try not to let him see that - because like you all he cares about is how I'm feeling, and he already has enough to deal with. And sometimes I feel like I need my space too because it can be so draining to be around someone who doesn't even want to be here half the time.  I feel like I need my time out so I can recharge and stay strong for him.

I think in relation to your best friend - you should talk to her.  Tell her you're finding it hard to cope at times and that you'd really appreciate her support.  It might just be a case of her not really knowing exactly how you're feeling, or not knowing how she can be there for you.

As for your fiance, he has no right to question your fidelity, already having cheated on you when you really needed him the most.  He needs to know that supporting someone through what you're going through can be really tough, but he needs to be there for you through thick and thin, and not run to someone else when things get too tough.  If he's not up to being strong for you and looking after you when you're having a hard time, he isn't the man for you.

I wish you all the best with everything.

Answer 9

Whoa...thats a question!!! Ok... First off, you might want to be straight foward with you husband, let him know that you are not at a happy spot in your life right now and that you really need him there for you, supporting you, consoling you when neccesary... and not making the matter worse (intentional or not, he needs to know that its not ok).

    sceond of all If you have been taking meds to try to bring you out of this funk... maybe its not a chemical imbalance inside of you. Instead try to look at your life and see what could be causing this... go out on the town, maybe with your husband or maybe some girlfriends, if you cant think of any girlfriends, the try a local online site to try and make some. I know it must sound weird but perscription drugs are not always the answer.

   I used to be very depressed as well, my parents had me doped up all day every day. Later in life i found martial arts and have never been happier. self confidence, strength (inner and outer), and just my all around out-look on life...all of it improved.

    the point is ... find your own happiness, maybe its as simple as getting a Kitten, but then again it could be way more serious...If all else fails try an MRI.

   good luck and if you have any more questions or just want to let off some steam we are here for you.

Answer 10

OOOHHH, I'm so sorry you have to go through this in life. I can't imagine what this must feel like for you. The only way i can relate is that i have anxiety issues too. Believe itor not, ever since i learned reiki and gave myself self therapy, i have felt alot better, physically and emotionally. Tell your fiance that you may not b ready yet and he she want you to be happy and be more of yourself around him...not have to pretend.. Do Things For YOU!!!!You need to make yourself fell happier instead of worrying about how you are going to make someone else feel right now.  I'm sorry again. Try and work on you for a while hun...Good luck!!  I know that you are a strong person from your words and just know you'll get through this!!

Answer 11

I also suffer from severe depression, anxiety disorders, and others like that.  I just got married 4 months ago, so I know how stressful it can all be.  Make sure you stay on your meds and to not forget a day.  I actually decided to get off all my meds just before my wedding...and that was not a good idea.  You need to talk to your fiance about EVERYTHING.  If you cannot talk to him now, how will you know if you'll be able to talk to him when your married.  The most important thing (other than God) in a marriage is communication.  You need to work on your relationship with your fiance before you get married.  Talk to him, cry on him.  I wouldn't of been able to make it without my now husband.  I told  my husband that I couldn't have too much stress otherwise I would get a panic attack, so he always tried to calm me down and help me. And just let me tell you something that is very important.  If your fiance is not there for you, if he cheats on you, then you must make a tough decision.  Remember, this is MARRIAGE.  You will see this person everyday.  I suggest you find some time to to take a nice walk with your fiance.  Try to relax and just enjoy talking with your fiance.  I will be praying for you.

Answer 12

Stay away from the illegal drugs, first off. I'd also avoid alcohol, but that's secondary. I'm not sure what you are taking but if it is Zoloft and Xanax, stay on them and don't skip. They do make a difference and the Xanax has an immediate effect.

If you are having trouble sleeping, ask your doctor about Trazodone, which is a non-habit forming sleeping pill. That should lessen your anxiety and depression. Also, keep exercising and do things that you enjoy. Most importantly, pray and ask Christ to come into your life. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 13

I think you should let your fiance read this. Explain it to him. You should exercise and eat right they're natural anti-depressants.

Answer 14

And it's exactly that...a depression demon but guess what? Humans can't win over those things. Doctors are only people too and they will only be able to temporarily help, or just stick you on medicine the rest of your life which will only enable you to have a semi-normal, not yourself kind of life. God made you, He can heal you! I'm tellin you this from life experiences, as well as seeing others life experiences with Him. You know, when it's getting darker and darker call out to the light ya know? Jesus is light and life and true life! Just read about Jesus who on the website, it's not gonna hurt anything to do that compared to how you're already feeling. If it helps, one time I burned my feet on a fire pit at a campsite in South Dakota. Burned bad enough that the balls of my feet were blistered and white which was awful because we were there hiking all the time. Anyway, my mom prayed for them and a couple hours later they were totally fine. Completely fine, normal, as though nothing had happened. I'm tellin you, He's real and this little tiny on the surface kinda story is just the tip of the iceberg, the cherry on the cake if you will. He goes deeper than that, to our very depths that we don't even know about, only feel the pain of!

Answer 15

i wish you well

Answer 16

Don't do X! That stuff will put holes in your brain (literally) and make depression worse. Smoke some weed instead.  

Maybe you should take a second look at what you're doing.  Maybe you shouldn't marry to said person.  If he is causing you all this stress AND he cheated on you...yea maybe you should take a second look at this relationship.

Maybe try talking to your therapist about this OR better yet getting another therapist if he's the type to just throw meds in your face and take your money.

Start meditating.  Several times (2-5) a day.  They don't have to be long sessions either, 5-10 minutes will be sufficent.  

Smile right now for absolutely no reason at all, even if you have to duct take your lips up to fake the smile.  Don't watch the news.  Instead watch funny stuff, stand up comedy, ANYTHING that will make you laugh.  Go to youtube and just type in funny.

Make some time for yourself, it's ok.

Nobody in this world can be there for anybody else 24/7 it is completely impossible.  You should do you're best for you're children.  After them, all that matters is your own happiness.  Mr. Dalai Lama says happiness is a choice. You can either go with what your mind is telling you to feel, or you could choose to be happy (as stupid as that may sound, their is truth behind it.)  

The next time (I'm assuming right now) that you feel these dark feelings, then just start laughing.  For no reason at all just burst out laughing.  Yea anybody else in the area will probably look at you like you're a crazy lady, but s***w them.  

It's your life you're more in control then you're letting yourself think you are. And enjoy life, nobody gets out alive!

-Edit- Of course your children are annoying. Their children, and you're raising them.  Everybodies kids pis**s them off.  Oh just wait until their teenagers my friend.

Answer 17

wats ur question?

Answer 18

You have every right to express your feeling to them.  If you never do, they'll probably never know that these things are bothering you.  You need to be more assertive with people, they actually have assertiveness classes that I have heard are good.  Also, tell yourself everyday in your mind that you love yourself.  We tell other people this all the time but we don't tell ourselves this enough.  It is also good to stop all of the negative self talk.  Everytime that you say negative things about yourself if your mind you are believing these things, change your mode of thinking and your life will transform.

Answer 19

Hey, I totally understand where you're coming from. I never went to therapy but I suffered from depression in my pre-teens just up until I turned 21. So I get it, it feels heavy and dark and like you're never going to be ok. But that's not true. I still get down occasionally because I'm human but I haven't gone through that dark tunnel of depression where you just feel so empty for about 3 or so yrs. now.

What helped me was first wanting the pain to end. I always used to let things bother me, but I think that when I was in highschool I kind of enjoyed going through those dark periods because I felt like it made me who I was, so I identified with it somewhat, even though it made my life unbearable. So when I was 20 I realized I did not want to keep living like that, where you feel like you don't have any control over your life and people can hurt and upset you, or for no reason at all you just become depressed.

So you have to want really bad to take control of your life and not let anyone or anything including your illness stop you. Right now if you're in the middle of the depression you have to just accept it and yourself, because if you start judging yourself now it will only make the depression worse. So if you feel depressed now, just keep feeling that way until you feel better.

Then when it lifts and you feel stronger, keep going to therapy, start writing your feelings down in a journal and go to a bookstore and get some books on dealing with the loss, and other self-help or spiritual books to help you cope and get stronger.

It was really difficult at first for me but for like 2 years I worked on myself daily by reading spiritual books and I found that I just needed to allow myself to feel everything like grief and anger, and I had to stop judging myself and allowing other people to make me feel like I wasn't ok just the way I was. At first it seems like you're never going to feel better. But if you just keep the faith and keep trying to get well, keep talking or writing about your feelings, and creating a healthy environment for yourself you absolutely can.

  

Answer 20

pray honey pray pray pray pray alottttttt only g0d(jesus) can help you depression comes from the devil so dont let him rule you! win this fight by praying  

Answer 21

I think you should have a sit down with all the people that aren't being true friends and tell them exactly how you feel, its obviously you have alot of feelings trapped up and you being a strong person don't' want to bother people with your personal business, but you have to realize this is unhealthy and if you don't you will blow off the handle. You have to feel comfortable inside too. Take some time out for yourself and do what you have to do, you will feel better.  

Answer 22

Go see a doctor.  Soon.

Answer 23

from experiences i will tell you that it will get better.. it only can once you reach bottom... you seem like a very strong and good person for trying not to burden others with your feelings. truly an amazing attribute when depression makes you want to find someone else in the world who could help you so your not so alone. i think you should think more on your marraige. when someone is hurting the way you are... the one they are closest too.. their lover and best friend... should be there for them in that time more than anyone else.. not s***w around that just makes things worse. I think you need to focus on you most... how can you truly make someone else happy if you are not. do anything that makes you happy... with a job... even a crappy one for starters... but you dont need someone who cant help you married to you... take time to do whatever you please in a relationship you cant really. even for a break until the wedding  find what makes YOU happy. :) Carpe diam!

Answer 24

I am so sorry to hear about your parents.  You know that saying, "it's always darkest before dawn."?  That's what your situation reminds me of.  

First of all, I don't think you want to get married to your fiance.  It sounds like he has commitment issues and possibly abusive issues if he doesn't want you hanging around your friends.  Sorry to tell you this, but you're going to have to pull the plug on that relationship if you ever want to see light again.

Your best friend just needs time with her new relationship.  She'll come around.  Until then, keep hanging with your gal pals.  You are on the right track taking therapy..perhaps you should talk to him/her about this situation?  They probably wouldn't suggest getting married either.  You want to save that for the man you love who loves you back!

Good luck!