Fighting with ex wife over veganism for our kids. She's vegan and I'm not.?

Question

I'm not a vegetarian or vegan. I eat meat, lean meats, nothing processed or fried. Whole grains, no sugar very little salt. I share custody with ex wife of our 2 girls...13 & 10. My ex first became a vegan a few months ago, because she wanted to eat healthier. It's now turned into an obsession about how animals are treated. Our daughters have no interest in becoming vegans. They know they have to spend every other week with mom and will abide by her very strict eating habits while they are there, but hate the fact that mom is forcing this lifestyle down their throats. She takes them to rescue farms, shows them slaughterhouse videos. I'm trying to explain to her that in her efforts to open their minds about animal abuse, she is pushing them away. They've both told me that they no longer want to be at mom's house. The sad part is, the ex is ok with that as long as she sticks by her new beliefs. I need advice on how to handle all this. I don't know how to....

Answer 1

This isn't really about food is it? My niece is 16 and having been raised by her vegetarian mother has recently decided to try some meat, not a lot - she doesn't really care for it that much. Some of our family are vegetarian, some are not. Some have other dietary requirements for other (health) reasons. Whether these choices are made through principle or because the doctor said so we all do our best to understand why and accommodate them when we eat together. The point is to enjoy each others' company and accept we do things in different ways.

If you stay calm and open minded you will be setting your children a good example. Don't put your ex wife's choices down. She has every right to make them - as you do your own. I can understand that putting her new belief system before her daughters is hard to take but if you are non judgemental and there for the girls they can make up their own minds - which they will anyway.

I hope this is resolved in health and happiness.

Answer 2

deal with the fact you are different

you're children need to learn to have more tolerence and be accepting

Answer 3

Well you should let her know that your concern is for your KIDS more so than or own personal feelings about it and that she as well shouldnt be selfish in forcing the kids to be vegans if they dont want to and let tham be what they want to be since its there lives but if that doesnt work atleast the kids still comeover to your house to eat how they feel

Answer 4

Sometimes it is hard to weed out the trolls from the real askers in this area. We get so many people that make up fake scenarios to try and give veg*ns a bad name, and the sign usually is that they just joined and have not other questions.

Your wife has every right to feed your children the way she sees fit when they are at her home, the same as you can feed your children the way you believe is right in your home.

There is nothing wrong with a vegan diet if it is properly panned and balanced. You are not going to find credible sources that state vegan diets are unhealthy, just people giving unsubstantiated opinions. The American Dietetic Association and Dietitians of Canada state that a vegetarian diet is healthy for all stages of life(this is the world's largest organization of food and nutrition professionals)

It is a shame that their mother is pushing her children away with her new found beliefs, but I also have to be a little skeptical about the whole situation. Have you talked to your ex? or are you just relying on what your girls have told you? Is she really forcing her views, or just not cooking special meat filled meals for the children? I find it hard to believe that any mother would be ok with her children not coming over.

I think that the taking children to sanctuaries is not a horrible thing. They should realize that there is more to their food than chopped meat in the supermarket. I will, however, say that showing slaughter house videos is not appropriate. I myself am disturbed by these videos and avoid them at all cost. With that said, I highly doubt she is tying them down and making them watch.

I think you need to stay out of the situation(as hard as it may be). Do not take sides, instead encourage the children to talk to their mother about how they feel. They may have to come to the realization that their mom is not going to cook special meals for them b/c they want to eat meat, so while they are in her house, they eat what she cooks. They do not have to become vegan, when they are with you they can eat meat.

I think you need to support your ex a bit more. She may not be married to you, but you need to provide a united front with the children.  You cannot bad mouth their mothers eating habits or call her obsessed in front of the children(I don't know if you do this, but it would be hard to believe that some of your thoughts about her being vegan has not been discussed with the girls. Even a simple "I feel bad that you mom is forcing her choice on you, but there is nothing I can do." is enough to make her sounds as if she is the bad guy and you are not).

Is there any impartial mediator that can help everyone discuss this together. Possibly a counselor, psychologist, etc can help everyone(wife and children) talk this through and come up with a workable solution.

Answer 5

does she want to spend time with her children or is she trying to recruit new members for Peta??

needs to get her priorities straight...

her hobby is not their hobby, put a lid on it or the lawyer will...

if they do not want to go tell her straight out and we will try again next week , your choice and the girls are old enough to tell her also...

Answer 6

IF your scenario is true (and you have to know we get a LOT of trolls here, claiming all sorts of vegan "abuse") the only concern is the fact that slaughterhouse videos are probably not appropriate for kids that age.  A rescue farm is a bunch of animals that aren't going to be killed, and their mother has the right to determine what foods are allowed in her house and what foods aren't (just as you have the same right in your own house.)  Have you actually spoken to her about this?  Told her the kids are uncomfortable with the information she's giving them, and asked her to cool it with the videos?  The fact that you say your ex- is OK with her kids not seeing her makes the whole scenario sound pretty unreal, or at least terribly biased.  But if that's true, maybe don't send them over there for awhile; their mom might be willing to compromise when she realizes what she's missing out on.

Answer 7

Wow!  I think the best thing for you to do is speak to your lawyer.  There's really not too much you can do, but if you go through the courts you may have a chance of making her stop, if it's proven that her behavior is detrimental to your girls.  That's very sad, and I'm sure it's hard to be in your situation.  There's a lot that my ex does when it comes to our kids that I don't agree with, but nothing that serious.  Good luck!

Answer 8

First off, you probably aren't going to be able to influence her yourself all that much (most people don't consider their exes to be the most influential persons in their lives - or else they wouldn't BE exes, would they?).  If you know a relative of hers that you are still close to that she respects, maybe that's an avenue.

However, I'm taking all of what you wrote with a grain of salt, too.  You are her ex, so you may be making her out to be a lot worse than she actually is.

Answer 9

They are old enough to make their own decisions regarding what they eat, so don't worry about them going vegan against their own wishes.

Encourage them to stick to their own opinions and interests, and to take their own viewing material to mom's house.

So the question becomes is it better for the (imaginary) children to be with the (imaginary) vegan, or with the father who is a troll?

Answer 10

Do whayever it takes, spend whatever it costs, get your kids away from that sick b**th ASAP.

Answer 11

good luck!

because if you guys are still together, this is never gonna end

I KNOW!!!!

noon 'till 3 go on to AM640(radio)

it is doctor laura and you should call her

seriously, if you do that she can help you

Answer 12

get legal advice asap,

this is the v&v section and the fanatics will advice to accept her choice for your kids. you have as much to say in this as she does but since the kids already expressed their desire not to be vegans, then the weight of is on your side.

those videos are not suitable for anybody unbder 13 years of age but still require parental supervision when the child is 13. so at least one of your children is suffering from parantal abuse. th older oone,with your help, can get legal restraint from watching those videos.

this is a very complicated matter at best and legal assistance is called for if you are that concerned with your children's welfare.

if money is an issue you can get help from the United Father's of America or a local free legal service group.

Answer 13

First off you need to establish whether or not the kids are getting a healthy diet. If she is showing them slaughterhouse videos, you both need to evalute if that is doing any kind of psychological damage to either of them. I'm shocked that she's o.k. w/them not wanting to be at her house (of course we're only hearing your side of the story). If they've never been on this diet and are all of a sudden being forced into it, of course they aren't going to dig it. I'd have you all sit down and discuss your expectations and hear what your kids have to say about it in front of their mother. Just please (and I'm sure you do) remember that divorce is so hard on kids, even the most resilient ones, and you don't want to add insult to injury.

Answer 14

Too bad the ex is forcing the videos and stuff.  I don't care if you were still married, it shouldn't be forced on them.  As it stands, they should be able to eat meat when with you and if she refuses to let them have meat I guess they have to put up with that.  If she doesn't care to have the kids with them, she isn't much of a mom.  So, I would try for custody.  That is a hard thing to be a single dad, but your poor girls are having do put up with a lot.  I LOVE meat and would hate to have to watch those videos...   Good luck to you.