Financial Aid Appeal Letteer?? What do u think?

Question

Financial Aid Appeal Committee,

Hi my name is and I’m writing to appeal your decision on putting my financial aid on cancellation. I received my AA degree at BCC then transferred here to UCF. This transition was a big step for me especially because I had to learn to live on my own, manage my money, and get use to a whole different style of learning. On top of learning this new way of life I got into two automobile accidents which caused my back to hurt. In order to treat the pain I went to a chiropractor multiple times weekly to receive treatments. With all these events happening I began to feel really overwhelmed. During spring 2008 I dropped two of my courses because I was not feeling confident and didn’t want to risk staying in the class and then receiving a bad grade. I received a final grade of a B in both classes I didn’t withdrawal from.

This Summer I’m currently taking six classes and have been doing really well. I’ve learned how to balance out the many stresses that come in my life and it reflects on the quality and effort I put into my school work. The back pains that I was experiencing from the car accidents have definitely been improved and do not affect me so that I cannot function properly.

I will be a senior this upcoming August, but without the help of financial aid I will not be able to obtain my degree. I’ve applied to many scholarships on fastweb.com, hoping from some assistance from them as well. Obtaining this degree is extremely important to me. When my son is older I want him to see all that I’ve accomplished to show that the sky is truly the limit. I hope that you see the will power in me in decide to give me another chance. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Answer 1

go for it its very well written.

Answer 2

take out the part where it says "caused my back to hurt" and add instead "caused injury to my back"

saying it "caused my back to hurt" sounds kind of juvenile.

good luck!

Answer 3

Too informal and there are some troubles with the English. This is better:

"To whom it may concern,

I would like to appeal your decision on canceling my financial aid. After receiving my AA at Bellevue Community College (or whatever it's called) I transfered to the University of Central Florida. Transitioning from community college to a university and learning how to balance home life (with my __-year-old son) and school life was challenging. I was in two vehicular accidents, which injured myself enough to require I visit a chiropractor multiple times for pain management. I dropped out of two courses in the spring of 2008 for fear of not having the time at hand to devote to them. For the two courses I didn't withdraw from I received a B as a final grade.

This summer I enrolled in six courses and currently am doing well. Through my previous experiences I have now learned how to balance the stress that can come with life and also no longer feel crippled by my back pains, which are now improving nicely. This August I will be a senior but without financial aid obtaining my bachelor's degree will be difficult.

I humbly request another chance. Thank you for your time and consideration,

First and Last name; student ID number."

When sending it in make sure it's double spaced and has your last name and student ID at the top right of the paper.