Finding biological parents..?

Question

i was adopted at 3months old it was a privatet adoption b/t my bio mother and my parents. i'm wondering if there is a way to find her without asking my mother and father... i would really like to obtaian my original birth certificate... do i go to teh town hall where the adoption happened? i guess i'm stuck and i don't want my parents to know because i'm just wanting med. histoory, because i have lupus and i want to know what else is genetic in my family. any advice would be great

Answer 1

It depends upon the state in which you were adopted.  Some states have open adoptions, that allow you access to these records, and some do not.  However, you should go to the capital of your state and ask these questions.  Not the town in which you were born, but the state agency which handles vital statistics.  I know in my state, I can access that information online through my state's website.  Good luck to you!

Answer 2

i would go on the internet to find them

Answer 3

You need to be honest with yourself first.  Is medical history really the only reason you want to find her?  If that's it, then I would let your parents know and they can help you get medial information and you won't have to meet her.  If it's more than that, which is totally normal.  It's simple curiosity for where you came from.  It doesn't mean you love your parents any less.  If you're under 18, then you will need your parents to get any information.  If you're over 18, then you can legally get the information if it's not sealed.  Call your town hall and see what you can do.  You don't have to give them your name.

Answer 4

Hi Heather....Heather here.  I was 51 years old, when I found out that I was adopted at birth.  Shocking discovery, to say the least.

I petitioned the court in the city and state where I was born, to find out if my birth mother and father left any "medical background" for me.  I gave the courts an extensive list of reasons for wanting to know this information.  One of them being that I suffer from several medical conditions, which knowing my genetic background; would influence how the medical staff would ultimately treat me for those conditions.

I got lucky, in a sense.  Since both of my birth parents were deceased, the court gave me the names of both of my parents.  I never was able to get an "original birth certificate," though.  I do not know the laws concerning this, where you live.  In my instance, very little information was actually provided by the courts.

As far your adopted parents knowing of your desire to abtain this information; trust me on this one...they know already that there would come a day, when you would want to know more about your birth parents.  You being upfront with them about your desires, would not surprise them in the least.

When you tell your adopted parents about your wishes, remind them how much you love them.  I can see from what you have written about them, that you are concerned that they will consider your quest as a kind of slap in the face.  I do not believe that they will feel this way at all.

Be prepared, Heather...your birth parents may not have left any medical information at all; as it was in my case.  This really hurt my feelings.  Didn't they care enough about me, to leave me such information?

Nevertheless, knowing your genetic background will not change how the doctor's treat your Lupus.  My Multiple Sclerosis treatment didn't change, just because it was discoverd that I was adopted.  The one thing that benefited me from having the information that I was adopted; meant that I no longer was treated for possible medical problems, that were suffered by my ADOPTED parents.

Be honest with your adopted parents, Heather.  They have prepared for this day, ever since you were adopted.  Trust me on this one.  And girl...I DO wish you the best of luck in your search.

Answer 5

let your parnets know. If its for medical history, its important you know all the details, and they will have lots if info to give you. Good luck

Answer 6

Maybe you should talk with your parents. Be upfront and honest with them and assure them that they will always be your parents and you love them (I hope I'm not reading too much into your question).  Tell them you would like to know more about your medical history  if possible from your birth family. Since it was a private adoption they probably know and it may even be a relief for them to get it off their chests. Be prepared to face your birth family. Adopted children often fantasize that their birth families were quite wonderful and can be sorely disappointed if they are not. Also, they might not want to communicate with you if you are a deep dark secret. (It can turn out wonderfully, too. Just be realistic in your expectations.). I still think honesty with your parents is the best answers. Otherwise some courts take medical concerns as a good reason to open records. Good luck!!!!!!

Answer 7

You don't state how old you are and what state you were born/adopted in.  If you were born in one state and adopted in another, the state you were adopted in holds the court adoption records.  Each states laws are different regarding the age you can request information (non-id) and only 4 have open records, AK, KS, TN, & HI (these states allow you to receive your original birth certificate once you reach the required age).  Other states are very easy to search because birth indexes and databases are readily available online or many search angels have access to them.  They are  KY, TX, OH, CA.  

Your parents are however your best resource.  They are expecting these questions from you.  In many adopted families it is like walking on eggshells when approaching this subject.  Give your parents a little credit and be as reassuring as you can be that this has nothing to do with your relationship with them.  You do have a right to have the information regarding your heritage.  It may hurt them a little and that is to be expected but keeping this secret from them may be more hurtful than having the conversation.

Good luck.

Answer 8

you could call the agency who did the adoption...depending on if your bio parents agreed to give you the info you, then it will be no problem

Answer 9

Best of luck to you in your search. I'm so sorry you have lupus, but your issue may help you if you need to petition a court.

I don't know what state you are in, so I can only direct you to broad general searches. If you drop me a note with your state, I'll be able to point you further.

First off, if you haven't done so already, you should register at ISSR in the chance anyone is searching for you. You can find the ISRR website FAQs at

http://www.isrr.net/faq.shtml

Also, you can register here as it is a pretty popular site.

http://registry.adoption.com/

You should also register at any state run reunion registries if available. You'll also need to file waivers of confidentiality and check the the laws of the state the adoption took place in. I don't know what state you live in, but this site has a state by state listing..  and laws.

Some states have mutual medical history registries, where if adoptees and their families of origin for whatever reason don't want contact, at least they can file medical information.

http://local.reunion.adoption.com/

Be sure you have a good support base to help you with the ups and downs of your search. There are a number of good online support groups, but you're going to want to find one specialized for your state, as each state has different challenges. You need to get your original birth certificate, if possible, and your non-identifying information from the state. You'll also need to petition the county where the adoption took place.

A support group can help you with that. You can try going to Yahoo groups and searching for adoption plus the state you live in to get a listing. If you don't have any luck, this group is really supportive and can direct you:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SoaringAng...

There's a lot to go over here, and there are more tips in the link below. This is a huge free ebook on searching.

http://www.ultimatesearchbook.com/

Good luck! Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need more help.

Answer 10

In some states you need an attorney to contact birth parents.  If you know their names then you could look them up on your own.  Believe me I know what you are going through.  I was separated from my family when I was 18 months old and now being a mom of 3 I would love to know what I have genetically passed on to my kids.  I was able to find out some of my medical history and have met my parents.  I wish you luck in your search and hope everything goes well.

Answer 11

Private adoptions still have papers.  You have a right to your medical history.  I don't know what the laws in your area are, if birth records would be sealed.  You'd have to check wherever you were adopted.  They have to keep stuff like that in county records.  But sometimes records are sealed or just sealed until you're18.

Answer 12

Talk to your mom and dad.  They have to know somewhere in their hearts that this day would come and that you would have questions.  As an adoptive mom, I know that I've thought about that day a million times (and my son is only 4).  No matter how I will feel when the time comes, there is one thing I do know.  I would rather my child come to me and ask my help than to try to do this on his own.  

If you really truly can't talk to your parents, you might want to contact the town hall where they adoption was finalized or perhaps where you were born.  Depending on the type of adoption it was and how long ago it was, they "might" be able to help you.

Good luck.

Answer 13

hey i was adopted and know about my bio parents so im sorry but i cant help.

Answer 14

If your were adopted through a privite adoption then everything is sealed and you can't get it. And if you are under 18 you have no right to anything. Then again adoptees have no right to anything of their bio passed!  

Not Fair!!! :o(