Finding your biological birth parents?

Question

I was adopted when I was 5 days old. It was a private adoption performed by a lawyer. I have spoken with the lawyer but he is unable to provide me with any names of my parents. I do know that my mom was 16 and I know the date, and hospital, but that is all. My adoptive parents are not willing to help and I can not obtain any information from the hospital so I feel as though I have hit a brick wall. Does anyone have any information they can provide that will assist me in finding my birth parents? It's difficult when there isn't much to go off of.

Answer 1

You don't indicate how old you are. Over the past few decades, "Open" adoptions have become very common. I know of adoptive parents who have never given their children the letters and gifts sent by the birth mom in spite of it being an open adoption.

Before we stone these adoptive parents to death, though, try to put yourself in their shoes. They just wanted you so much and lived in fear of the birth parents taking their place in your heart. There is an article in Oprah Magazine [April or May, 2007] about an adoption reunion that is written from the perspective of the adoptive mother. It can help you break down the barriers that your real parents are putting up to keep you from finding your biological parents.

Answer 2

Why the persistent desire to find your biological parents?  What's wrong with the ones that raised you and cared for you and loved you ?

Answer 3

There is a movement meant to help people find each other. It is here in Quebec, Canada. You can try :

http://www.mouvement-retrouvailles.qc.ca...

Also, you can go to that hospital where you were bornwith the info that you have and they might be able to find info for you.

Good luck

Answer 4

I was adopted when I was 2 weeks old.  And this was back in the 70's when there was nothing but closed adoptions.  All I knew was my birth mothers age, height, what hospital I was born and of course my birthday.  

I put an ad on www.adoption.com in their registry section with all the info I knew.  A few years later I was contacted by one of my birth sisters.  End of story.

I highly suggest registering with adoption.com

When I was growing up my parents did NOT support my curiosity with finding my birth parents.  It wasn't until I had kids of my own that my dad started to realize it was important for me to find them mainly for medical background if nothing else.  I didn't reunite with them til I was 33 but I feel it happened when it was supposed to.

Good luck on your search!

Answer 5

My husband searched for over 20 years. He's SUPER computer savvy, etc. and could NOT find the b-mom. He only had her name, her state and the hospital where we was born. The lawyers were all dead and had told his parents the adoption was airtight, meaning the mom would never find him. First off, the hospital has no info. The info is in your adoption records at the courthouse in the county where your adoption was finalized. Depending where you live, you can petition the judge to give you what's in your file. It's free or cheap. My husband was adopted in NY and when we petitioned, the judge said no. You can go online and register with Soundex...if your mom is looking, chances are she has registered there or will find you registered there, Finally, after 20 years, my hubby contacted Kinsolving. They only charge you if they find the mom. It's about 3000 dollars. However, they DID find her.......fast and EVERYTHING about her....even with so little info. The birthfather too. It's CRAZY. Fortunately, my husband's b-mom was very receptive, Prepare yourself, many of them are not. Good Luck.

Answer 6

You don't mention your age or state of birth/adoption.  Each state has different laws regarding adoptee's being given information.  4 states have open records, KS, HI, AK, TN. (meaning that once you reach that states required age you can request a copy of your original birth certificate).  Many other states have birth records that can be accessed by many search angels (TX, OH, CA, KY)

Your first step should be to register with International Soundex Reunion Registry.  http://www.isrr.net/  This is a free reunion registery.  Not to be confused with isrr.com (paid service!)

Next request your non-identification information from the state since your's is a private adoption.  

Next register with any state sponsored reunion registries.  The state may also offer, for a fee, a confidential intermediary service.  This service is where the state appoints an approved intermediary that opens the court records and locates and makes contact with the birth parent to determine if there is mutual consent for a reunion.

I would also recommend registering with as many online registries as possible.  Here is a list of some of the most widely used sites I have come across and assist on.

G's Adoption Registry home Page

http://www.aci.net/schaefer/page60.html

adoption.com

http://registry.adoption.com/

Find me

http://findme.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=M...

also register with any other privately run state sites.

When listing on the site please always be consistent with how you post your information.  Always place your info in this format to help others who are looking.

ISO  BM F 01/01/1900 NY

(in search of, birth mother, female, birth date, birth state)

I would not recommend using any of the paid search organizations such as US Search, Omnitrace etc.  They do not have the right to open records in any state and will not be able to obtain any more information than you can provide to them.

Answer 7

I went through my county social service agency to find my biological parents.  Do you know who the lawyer was?

Answer 8

I was adopted as well although my adoptive parents aren't quite like yours. What you can do is go to one of those adoption sites and post a profile with your name, who adopted you, and your picture. I've done this and it's really helpful. I'm not really looking for my parents but it's a good site to go to.

And you don't need any information from your adoptive parents.  Can you find an old  photo album or something to help you find more information?

Answer 9

Maybe they don't want to be found.

Answer 10

contact the adoption agency. that will be a good start for you.

Answer 11

My husband has found almost all of his birth family through an organization called Midwest Adoption Service. It is completely free. The only thing is they help you find 1 person (birth parent, sibling, grandparent).

Good Luck!!!

Answer 12

You could go to the city's main library and try to find news papers in that year and date you were born to see if you were listed. If you get a last name or something you could maybe do a family tree thing.

Answer 13

I found my biological mother after 17 years (I was adopted when I was 3) by using the internet. But I had a little more information. I knew her name and the area that she lived in.

I've had more difficulty finding my biological father though.

There are services that can find this information based on your social security number and other info. But you should be careful to use a reputable company.

I'm assuming your old enough to give someone permission to use that information to find them.

In my case, it was important to me to do two things. First, I let my adoptive mom (adopted dad died) that I wasn't trying to replace her. I was very happy with my childhood. This was just a hole that I needed to find the peg for.

The second thing was that I also expressed this to my biological mother. I wasn't trying to establish a mother/son relationship, or to replace anything that was missing. I just wanted to know the circumstances. I wanted to know my family history. Medical history. I wanted to know if I was going to be bald when I got old!

Maybe comforting your parents (who are, afterall, your ReAL parents) will make them a little more forthcoming with the information you need.

I might even say that would be a good gauge of when they're ready to let you move forward with the search. If they're not giving you the information, they're somehow insecure about the whole thing.

That's your job. Make them understand that it's okay, and that you know who your parents will always be.

Answer 14

Why can't you get any information from the hospital?  They have a legal obligation to give you your own records.

Answer 15

You are in the EXACT situation I was in!

I was adopted at birth, my biological mother was 16, I know my birthdate, and the hospital I was born in.  My parents gave me no help.  And I didn't even have the name of the agency or lawyer they used.  

I went looking online, EVERYWHERE!  I registered in aout 4 or 5 adoption forums and made posts in several threads once a month.  Simple posts like "looking for bio-mom, 01-02-85, Newark, NJ"

The strangest thing happened though, I got a message in my Classmates.com site with the subject "I think I am your birth mother."  Crazy.  I think I read it a dozen times before I realized what it was.  Since then we spent years e-mailing back and forth, filling each other in on our lives, and getting to know each other.  We even met in person.  And she contect my bio-dad.  I found out both are happy and healthy.  She has 4 children and he has 1.  It's such a good feeling to know where you came from.  

Whatever the outcome of your search is, whether you find her or not, whether she's in a good place in her life right now or not, just remember that she loves you so much.  She loved you more than you can imagine.  To carry a child and go through what she did at such a young age, and then to have the heart and brains to realize that you needed someone else to take care of you, that means she really cares for you.  Good luck with your search.  

Remember, just keep posting in different forums, keep your birthdate out there for searching mothers.  And keep your eyes open in those unusual places as well.  You never know how you two will reunite.

Answer 16

The International Soundex Reunion Registry might be useful, especially if your birth parents want to be found and have registered.  There are other registries too.

http://www.isrr.net

And the adoptee-rights group b*****d Nation has a lot of ideas on the subject:

http://www.b******s.org