First/Birth/Natural Mothers - what would you tell your daughter who wanted to adopt?

Question

For your non-adopted adult daughter, who is now experiencing infertility. Would you encourage her to adopt and be supportive? What would you want her to know about your story?

Answer 1

if it was me I'd want my mum to try and advise me but support me through what ever my decision was. your obviously a very caring mother who will be able to do the right thing even if it isn't necessarily what you agree with

Answer 2

Seriously, are any of the people who answered so far birth/first/natural mothers who relinquished children for adoption?!?!  QUIT SPEAKING FOR US!  =oP

Knowing my own history of relinquishment, and my great-grandmother's history with forced relinquishment, I'd tell my daughter about the loss that the biological family has.  I'd remind her that even in the worst circumstances of relinquishment, that compassion can be shown to the biological family.  I'd mention that no words of condemnation should be used to describe the biological family because the child would internalize that as a reflection upon themselves.  I'd encourage open adoption.  I'd move heaven and earth to encourage an ethical and moral adoption situation...

And that's just off the top of my head without time to really think about what I would say.

Edit to add - (((sarah)))  I at least recognized you as answering other questioned aimed at mothers like us.  I think we clicked post at the same time though, lol.

Answer 3

Be honest and supportive. She's an adult now - be her friend

Answer 4

I would act just as enthused as I would if it were her biological child. I would let her know anything she wanted to know about me and my experiences. I would also promise to love and care for the child as it were her own.

Answer 5

yes it is a great thing when a child finds a good permanent home there are some many without families that despratly want one to feel loved and secure im mean how would you feel if you were a child with no family sad but so many ppl have kids and dont want to be responsible for them. its awful that ppl who would make good parents tend to not be able to have children and others who could care less can its not that fair but what in life is so yes give a child the gift of love

Answer 6

I would tell her to go for it.  I would tell her that God has a child out there for her and that adoption is a wonderful thing.  Being a mother is more than giving birth............children can grow in your heart too!  I could share my story of my beautiful son but if she were my daughter I wouldn't have to because she too would know that our life would have never been the same had we not adopted her little brother.  Not born in to our lives the traditional way but brought into our lives in the form of a true blessing.

Answer 7

DITO: to Magic Point Shoes.

Answer 8

As an adoptee, a birthmother and mother to an adoptee and a non-adoptee, I would say:  Do what your heart and life lead you to do, and do it in the most responsible way possible.  And I would be supportive and happy for her and our family, no matter what she decides to do.

Answer 9

My mom and my bmom are both very supportive of my desire to adopt. I intend to adopt Internationally, and when I first showed them the information they were both very excited. My bmom offered to write one of my letters of recommendation. They did encourage me to go with a country that retains bfamily info, so that my child can trace his or her roots if they so desire.

Answer 10

The TRUTH....thats always the best way to go. I would support her in any decision she made....

Answer 11

As an adoptee & a birthmother I would feel that I would have to tell her emotionally what she's in for, every nasty little detail. Honestly, I think I would try to discourage her.

Ultimatly though that would be her decision to make, and I would be willing to stand beside her & love the child

Answer 12

I would  support her just as I would support her in anything she wanted to pursue.  I really am not sure how my previously having a baby that was relinquished would have anything to do with this current scenario...  perhaps you're thinking that birthmoms would encourage their daughters to be supportive of their children(s) birthmoms?  I don't think my previous experience would have much to do with what my daughter might be going through.  It's her life, and at that point, if I had done a good job raising her, she'd know what to do.  I'd offer advice when asked, of course.  But she will have already known "my story" entirely, as it's her story, too.   Hope this helps~

Answer 13

I'm both a biological mom and an adoptive mom.  My husband and I chose to adopt our second child even though we didn't have fertility issues; we just thought it was a great way to grow a family.  The first time my mom held my son (who was adopted) she had no less joy and the same amount of tears of joy as when she held our daughter (to whom I gave birth).  I pray your mom will be supportive and if she isn't on initial reaction, give her time.  She will come around if she isn't immediately enthusastic, I promise you.  Best wishes!