First attempt at poetry after a long time. What do you think?

Question

Swept Away

How could I know when we met so randomly that day

Your charm and wit would slowly have me swept away

You stole my heart with no warning I could discern

Started a fire like no other that would brightly burn

Burning so deeply into my soul day and night

I lost all reason of what could be wrong or right

You said forever and I believed,wanted it to be true

You put your needs first, I just did what I had to do

So sad and bewildering this turn of events

Things you failed to understand, I could not prevent

Swept away as no one before had ever done

Looking back now should I have run?

All that time,all those moments,all the love and heartache

It was amazing and I can't regret or call it a mistake

Even now that we are apart what can I say

as the shattered remnants of my heart are swept away?

Answer 1

Wow, That is realy good. Very use of nouns prnouns and other grammer. Keep up and you could be the next Shakespear

Answer 2

that is good! But try bigger words. You are off to a great start!

Answer 3

I cannot criticise the form of the poem, or your individual word choice, or your meter (or your spelling and grammar come to that)....so, what will be the sting in the tail?....I'm sorry to say you haven't said anything which hasn't been said a million times before (I know because on A!Y Poetry alone every time I randomly read around I see the same stuff (not as well written, but the same stuff as this).

So, take the talent you so obviously have - find something which will grab everyone's attention and go for it.  The end result will be fantastic since you have all the tools necessary to make it so.

Sorry....but, you did ask.

Answer 4

First, you obviously have some talent. Enough that you could become a pretty d**n good poet.

But if you seriously want to be considered a good poet the two things you need to focus on are structure (learn the basic principles of poetry, from poetic meter to structure, etc.) and expanding your vocabulary.

What you're saying in this poem has been said thousands of times by thousands of poets in just about the same language with the same word usage. By expanding your word usage you can come up with a refreshingly unique way to saying what you want to say in your own original voice.

Answer 5

That is REALLY good! I am also a writer and I really did enjoy this! Well done!

Answer 6

not too bad!  however, i am tending to like poems that don't rhyme more and more as i'm maturing... for future poems, you might want to try that!

edit:  I should clarify; I enjoy some poems that rhyme, like, if it's a story or something, but for this kind of poem, rhyming sometimes detracts, like, your trying too hard maybe.  Please continue writing poems on here, I love seeing them!

Answer 7

Alittle rusty in your flow....but considering you haven't written for awhile, it's nice.  Coming back to writing is like being out of shape.  Once you do some more writing you'll be a fit writer in no time!

Answer 8

Eh...it's sub par. Sounds something like a 15 year old would write for his/her language class. You should work on poems that don't rhyme; they sound much more mature.

Answer 9

I liked it.

I too used to write poetry, but haven't in a long time.