First bub due in 5 weeks, what to do?

Question

My partner and I have been together for 2 years and our first baby is due in October. We have always spoken about marriage but the other day he told me marriage just isn't him. He said he is happy just how we are.

I was holding onto maybe one day he would propose but now i know he just wont do it. He said he is only trying to be honest and i know he is but this has really hurt me. I feel i have chosen him to be the one i marry but he hasn't chosen me and wont choose me. Marriage to me isn't just to say we are husband and wife its a sense of security and true love that person is showing you.

I've said that I'm worried I'm just not the right person for him maybe that's why he doesn't like the whole marriage thing and he said it has nothing to do with that. He said he has chosen me and I'm the best thing for him and he doesn't want to lose me. So maybe he just isn't the marring type but why would we talk so much about it and now a month before bub is due he changes?

Any advise on how i can just get used to this? We aren't fighting but i find I'm crying all the time and yes this is probably due to being pregnant too but i just dont know what to do.

Thank you

Answer 1

don't forget the old saying that you can't change someone. if you ever get in a relationship thinking that, it brings pain and dissapointment. and yes, some of this is hormones. trust me, i just had a baby and made huge deals of the siliest things all the time.

Answer 2

marriage is just a piece of paper and sometimes people go through phases where they feel marriage is just something that complicates and otherwise happy relationship. maybe this phase will pass, maybe not, it might take quite a few years but i bet he'll eventually change his mind. as long as your happy, is it important enough to you to marry to be unhappy?

Answer 3

i have the same problem lol and the same beliefs but my fella doesnt want to know.....we have 2 kids together and slowly im twisting his arm lol ive been with him for 8 years and he believe marriage breaks a relationship and it only last for a few years when your married. men a? hes probably just having a little doubt and worrying a little because the baby is due soon....u never know he might be saying he doesnt want to get married and might suprise you once the baby is born.

Answer 4

As long as you're happy with him I would let it go until after you have the baby. Your hormones are raging and believe it or not, fathers go through hormone changes too. If up until this point he has wanted to get married, then chances are that after everything kind of settles down, he'll bring it up again. He's probably scared to death of really messing up, and he could be afraid you might think he just wants to marry you because you're pregnant. Take baby steps and take them one day at a time. As much as your emotions are putting you through, he's probably going through a lot too and men are not as good at expressing and dealing with emotions as we are. Follow your heart and whatever is supposed to happen will happen.  

Answer 5

Believe it or not, some people actually get along better when they are not married than when they are.  I know me and my hubby did and if I had it to do all over again, I would not have gotten married.  Things change a lot when you get married.  I know from experience.  Dont get me wrong, I love by husband but he still has a lot of growing up to do (as do many men out there).

You can still be "married" without a piece of paper saying so.  It is the love between the two of you that matters and you should not worry about whether he loves you or not.  He loves you.  He has chosen you since you are the bearer of his child.  The important thing is that your bub see that mummy and daddy love each other very much and they love me, too.  

Answer 6

Aww girl I feel for you!!! I will never understand why some men get like that about marriage. I think he may just have gotten cold feet. Keeping an open dialogue works well with guys like that. I have been married for almost 10yrs and it was a VERY rough start. So far we have 2 kids one on the way and we are happier now than we have ever been. Give yourself a break with the hormones, but make sure he understands how it makes you feel and why marriage special to you. He may come around yet, but if he doesn't I have neighbors that aren't married and have been together for over 20yrs. It just depends on what works for you. Good luck and remember there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. They all come with sacrifice and compromises as well as love and understanding. =)

Answer 7

I would try not to worry about it too much at this stage as you are not in a place to be stressing about this right now there are hormonal influences and you are about to have a baby. Give it a bit of time, and when you are hormone free and calm have a good long hard think about what you want. Are you willing to accept what he is offering or are you always going to want more. You may need to re evaluate your relationship, but I just don't think now ios the best time to be doing it, for either of you, remember he is facing becoming a dad too so you're both in a very hard place at the moment. Have a good talk with him down the track a bit when everything has settled down and let each other know what's important to you and what's not and where either of you are willing to compromise. Good luck and congrats on bub, mines due around the same time yay it's exciting!!!