First moms, have you told anyone that you gave up a child for adoption?

Question

i haven't told anyone and no one knows except my family and my grandpa. i'm not sad. and i hardly think about it. i'm just going on with my life. it was 4 years ago. has anyone else just gone on and not told anyone ever?

Answer 1

you must not have a heart not to think about your child not knowing how hes beign treated i feel sorry for you you really dont have a heart and i dont call you anything else cause your not worth a penny

Answer 2

I tell pretty much everyone I am close with.  We have a very open agreement, so I see him a lot and get new pictures all the time.  I always show them to my friends and family and co workers.  I don't want to pretend he never existed.  I couldn't do that.

Answer 3

Your family, your grandpa, and everyone on the internet.

Way to go, Slick.

If I had a kid I'd put it up for adoption and never tell anyone who didn't see me pregnant and wonder where the baby had gone.

Answer 4

Mind if I answer on behalf of my first mom?

She was told by the agency to just forget about me, to get on with life and forget I ever existed.

So she didn't tell anyone about me until I found her - which was a total surprise to her, because the agency also told her that I would never want to know who she is, that I would be "happy" with my family and probably not even be told I was adopted.

So when I did first make contact (through the agency), she had to tell everyone - my full brother, her current husband, everyone who wasn't around at the time of my birth and didn't already know.  

She carried that secret with her for 23 years and stuffed her pain, her guilt, her anguish, and never had anyone to talk to about it.  And it took a toll, because a year into reunion she had a huge shut-down, she couldn't face me and we had a 10-year silence where her guilt prevented her from speaking to me.

We are finally back together.

Adoption destroyed her, but she had nobody to turn to, because she was led to believe she should just bury it and pretend it never happened.

How unhealthy is that???

Answer 5

Well, I must say you are the first person I've heard say they are not sad. You must be on some strong meds.

They only nmoms I've met that don't discuss that they placed a child are the ones that were forced or coerced into doing it.

Too many people like to mislabel them as junkies or alcoholics and its just to painfully devastating for them to explain it over and over when nothing can be done to help them see their children because of crappy laws protecting the ap's rights to raise someone elses child.

Answer 6

My mother has never pretended that I don't exist.

To do so would validate that I am not real.

I am her flesh-and-blood. I was a part of her once. She does not forget that.

Answer 7

Well like you I can say that I have got on with my life after giving my eldest daughter up for adoption 30 years ago.But,unlike you I have never made a secret of this fact.When my two other children were old enough I told them of the reasoning behind why I did what I did and also told my husband well before we married and they have been nothing but supportive to me.I also have never made it a secret to the many close friends that I have had over the years.My natural mother,yes I am an adoptee as well,I believe never mentioned me in all the years since she gave me up and this hurts.I have always found it beneficial to me and the people I have spoken to about my life that it helps to be able to talk about things that affect the way you view life and why your experiences can help others.I hope that,in years to come you will find this as well as it doesn't do anyone good to bottle things up and it can eat away at your mind.