First moms and Myspace?

Question

First moms, if you had access to you childrens adoptiove parents myspaces, and could (and did) look at it often, what hids of thing did, do you feel?

How do you feel about family pictures, vacation pictures, and blogs about the family including the your child?

Would you miss your son/daughter more?

Would you be happy that he/she was getting to enjoy him/herself?

Would you like being able to drop in and see what's going on without feeling invasive (even if you are welcome to visit anytime without even a phone call)?

Is there anything that would just break your heart and would hope not to see (like mentioning a surgery and the outcome, wishing you could comfort him/her)?

Would you like to let other members of the family know how the baby is doing?

Would you like to post pictures of him/her on your own site, but don't think it's okay with the afamily? And if it is okay with them, would you do it?

KEEPING SITES PRIVTE OF COURSE!

I would love ANY insite

Answer 1

I have to agree with Spanky. I would kill for something like that. It was actually in the agreement that the APs make a website similar to that but it never happened. (Go figure)

It wouldn't make me miss my baby more because, frankly, that is impossible. I can not miss her more than I do. As with any mother it would make me happy to see her enjoying life. Its a bittersweet happiness though. It hurts to see what I am missing but I would rather know. It will always hurt but this would help some.

I'm not really sure there is much I wouldn't want to see or know. The only thing that would break my heart is if they were talking badly about me or if my child was unhappy.

I think its a really good idea. It would allow the first mom some control which is something we seldom have. She could decide when she feels strong enough to go get the pics and updates. It also lets her have privacy to react. She can cry if she feels the need or laugh at silly pics without worrying about other people around.

I hope this helps some. My thoughts are all over the place tonight. Feel free to email me if you have questions. I'll try not to ramble

Answer 2

it sepends on your adotion contract does it allow you to have contact witht he other family, the thing is as a mother its never gonna leave your heart you gave up your child and i understand at the time is wwas for the best perhaps you could genuinely contact the parents and let them know how you feel and if it would be alright if contact started between you and your child some may retaliate but in the end its onyl an adoption they are never secure and a mother can always gain the child back ut fistly look at your own situation, are you in a position to love your child and give it a good life

Answer 3

The aparents that adopted my baby don't have a myspace, that I'm aware of at least, but I do receive about 100 pictures a year of her- at least once yearly, if not twice a year.   I also get letters with the pictures.

Of course her parents are pictured in at least some of the pictures, as are other family members- grandmas, cousins, etc.

I actually am put at ease when I see these pictures.  Part of why I gave her up was my financial situation.  These aparents are quite well off.  I see her taking swimming lessons, dance lessons, going to NYC to the American Girl doll store, kayaking, going to the beach, summer camp, etc., etc.- most of these activities are ones I would have not been able to offer her.  So my decision is affirmed.  

I am happy to see that she's happy.  She now also has a little sister, and I'm happy to know she's not an only child and has a sister like I do.

No, I would not be able to look into their family without their knowledge and not feel uncomfortable.  That would feel really snoopy and wrong.  I am fine with them choosing what I see and what I don't, and what I hear about, and what I don't.  They are her parents, not me.  They make the choices for her life, not me.  When I chose them to be her parents, I knew this is what I was choosing, so I made sure I picked the right ones.

I show my mom the pictures right away when I get them.  I also bring all of my albums each summer to our family reunion.  My aunts and grandma especially enjoy looking through them.

I'm sure the aparents would be fine with me sharing my photos- they have met my mother and my sister (when I was pregnant and after) and usually wish them well when I hear from them.  My mother has a large frame in her kitchen that she puts black and white photos of her grandkids in- she rotates them to keep them current- she always makes a point to include one of her (this is her idea, not mine).  I would include pictures and mentions of her on my myspace if I had one, as she is part of me and my history.

The ONLY thing that bothers me in all of this is that they've changed her name.  I named her Hannah.  In her letters and on her birthday cakes, I see 'Laura'.  Her name will ALWAYS be Hannah to me, and she's been renamed Laura.  Those close to me call her Hannah.  If I reunite with her someday, I will call her Laura, if she wishes, as that is her name.  But in my heart, she is Hannah.   Hope that makes sense and that my story helps.

Answer 4

God I would kill to have even a small internet window into my son's life.

Just to see what he looks like.

I'd give every single thing I have to spend 5 seconds looking at him, even at a picture online.

Answer 5

I do have access to their facebook page & I look often to see new pics of my daughters.

I enjoy the fact that even though the amom has decided that for now it's best that I not have contact with them (their 16) that I can at least watch them from the sidelines, and can see just how beautiful they're becoming

Answer 6

Forgive me if I am answering this question and wasn't supposed to. I couldn't tell from your headline if you meant that it was addressed to first moms or just about first moms.

As an adoptive mother, I would be interested to see if my son's first mother had a Myspace account. If she did, I would use it to talk to her about our child (hers and mine) and show her pictures. What a great idea! Thanks. I am going to go look now.

Answer 7

I'm an AP and honestly I guess it depends on the situation.  I don't see the harm in looking a pics and things and anyone with any sense wouldn't put up too much private info on those sites anyway.

We know our son's bio parents and have chosen that they not be involved right now but I don't think it'd hurt anything for them to look at our myspace page if they chose too.  I wouldn't add them to my friends list or anything but if they wanted to take a look at the pics I've posted or video's just for their own pleasure then that'd be alright.