First moms and open adoption

Question

If you had the option for a completely open adoption with your child's adoptive parents, what are some reasons that would make you decide to keep it closed?

Answer 1

It can be very painful to watch your child grow up in someone elses care.  Some women would choose to have a closed adoption so that they may move on with their lives and try to regain some sense of normalcy.  

If may also be that she doesn't want the child to know her reasons or circumstances and doesn't have any desire to explain it to the child when they get older

Those are only a few of the ones I can think of right now.

Answer 2

I had a fully open adoption with the parents as well as their extended family.  I felt that this was fair & being adopted is not a dirty word.  We still have ties & close contact with the grandparents however the parents have had ties severed due to their inability to put the child before their own needs & wants. (I guess drugs can make you do & say stupid things)  As long as the child's well being is put first that is the most important thing.

Answer 3

I love it when Aparents speak for first moms. No bias or prejudice in that?.

Answer 4

Who are first mom's ??? which one is considered first...the one who gave birth...or the one who gets to see all the child's firsts?

I think closed Adoptions are far better....how confusing for some poor child to have various people claiming to be parents , grandparents, aunts uncles etc.

The people who legally adopt the child are the parents. The ones who created the child are the Biological relatives.

I think any child has the right to know they are adopted and in some cases the circumstances. But for the sake of normality throughout childhood there should only be one set of parents. Biological parents can be updated on how the child is doing by sending letters once a year or so but any more then that just seems unnecessary.

Answer 5

From an adoptee and an adoptive mother's point of view, I actually have quite a few reason why I thought I'd prefer the adoption to be closed, but when I typed them up in black and white just now they all seemed really selfish to me...

Neither of our adopted children's birthmothers wanted an open adoption, and I'll admit I was a bit relieved by that. I think they both wanted to have a clean break and put an unhappy part of their pasts behind them so they could go on with their lives.

They were both very young though, and it may have been that if they were older and more mature, they might have chosen differently. One said she just wanted to finish school, go to college and be a normal teenager again, the other said she wanted no connection to the father who had left her high and dry and wanted to move away to start a new life living with relatives. It was obvious niether cared about what may or may not have been better for their babies in terms of keeping in contact, but in all fairness, these really were very young girls.

t does make me sad to think they might regret the decision some day. An open adoption just leaves the abilty to communicate open... it doesn't mean you must have regular visitations or be a big part of the child's life. It could mean as little as a birthday card with a meaningful note once a year! I was adopted myself and I know that would have made a huge difference to me.

Answer 6

My son's first mom and I just talked about it yesterday.  for several months, she hadn't come to see our son.  She told me that she had been embarrassed about having to place him, and the fact that she had done a dose of meth before he was born.  Luckily, it had very little effect on him, and he is thriving, both physically and mentally.  We are now working on more openness, communication between the 2 of us.  She also had been told by mutual "friends" that it wouldn't be a good idea, and that I wouldn't want her around, which was just the opposite of the truth.

Answer 7

Nope Nope Nope. Im a birth mom. I NEVER would have done an closed adoption. I want to know what is going on in my sons life.  I love him more than life itself and im not going to just forget about him.  I support open adoption. NOT closed.