First poem/ letter I ever wrote to anyone, help if you can!?

Question

I'm 18, and I never wrote a poem to anyone before in my life but I had my 3 year anniversary with my g.f. was last week and I kind of forgot about it. I'm a Jerk I know, I've been told that a million times in the last week so, I'm doing this because I never did this c**p before and could really use some help/advice to see if it is good. Thanks.

Heres what I got so far:

Every minute seems like forever when your not there

My love for you overwhelms me like its too much to bare

I will be always be there for you, even when you don't need me

You still make my hands sweat and my heart beat; always and forever I love you EMILY

Took me a lot of time on this and it came straight from ME! So please don't be too harsh on me =( I want to keep the message the same but I just can't think of better wording! For the record, her name is Emily

Answer 1

First off I'd like you to know that your poem has a form--it's called an Acrostic Poem, b/c it spells out a word with the 1st letter.

For a first attempt it's not bad, but it's uneven in it's flow. And you're missing Emily's 'L' line.  I would adjust it like this (a suggestion):

Every minute's like forever when your not there

My love for you overwhelms me--its too much to ^BEAR^

I'll always be there for you, even when you don't need me

**Loving you, loving me makes me feel complete**

You still make my hands sweat, my heart beat.

Always and forever I'll love you, EMILY

You need to take the last bit of line and separate it as I did b/c it doesn't really fit with the name or flow.  Anyway, It seems more important on its own.

This **....** line I added in as the L line that was missing. Feel free to use it or make your own.

Hope she likes it and forgives you.  

P.S, Get a CALENDAR & USE IT!

Answer 2

I liked everything but the last line, it didn't really flow well. Also it would be bear not bare.



You could try something like:

Every minute seems like forever when your not there.

My love for you overwhelms me, almost too much to bear.

Even if you don't need me, I'll always be there for you.

Because always and forever, Emily, I love you.

I really don't like my last line either but it's just a suggestion.

Just remember to keep it real to your personality because after three years she will know the difference.