First time mom, potty training question?

Question

My daughter is 23 months old, and I am potty training her. She knows what she is doing and she knows that what she needs to do. I praise her every time she does go pee on the potty, but she hates going pee on the potty. She screams and just doesn't want to sit down. I've tryed bribing her with every candy I thought she's like, and I've tryed bribing her with toys ad oter things but nothing seems to work. Am I doing something wrong? Should I not be potty training her now? I don't know. All I know is that she is smart enough to know when she pees and where she needs to do it, and she can hold it for hours on end. advice?

Answer 1

Ok Mom just take a deep breath, I promise you will both live through this. Plus this is lots easier than dealing with her first boyfriend!!

Don't beat your self up about this is my first bit of advice. I made myself (and everyone else) crazy trying to train my first one. It was so NOT worth it.

If she doesn't like to sit down to potty is it the toilet she hates or a little potty? Try the big one if its a potty seat or the other way around. Also one trick that worked great for me was sitting them on the potty facing the back. I started with the boy so he would'nt pee over the front and my daughter was thrilled to do it that way also. It a big deal and not like the grown ups, only special kids can do that.

What some one said before also is good. Take her to the store, let her pick out big girl panties. Ruffles, pictures whatever she loves. Tell her she has X amount to wear for the day and after she wets those 2 or 3 she has no more until tomorrow. She'll have to wear a diaper or training pants. The deal with pull ups for me is that they cost too much to be used as diapers when you know for sure they are going to not try and keep them dry.`If she's making an effort to go then they are great but if she doesn't want to potty don't waste your time or money. The excitement to wear Dora or whatever worked well for us. Plus knowing she only had so many for a day made them special.

If she is really not interested in training, stop for a week and then ask her if she's ready. This could just be your first battle of wills with a girl who knows what she wants. in this and all other things with her, pick your battles. She may feel your really pushing her so she's pushing back. Even though she can't explain it. Thats why a break may help. Take the pressure off both of you. My pediatrician told me none of his kids ever went to high school in diapers and I should chill. It was good advice that I used with my next 2 babies and my grandkids.

So good luck Mommy, you are doing a great job. She will be ready soon. Sounds like she has a lot of tenacity. That makes for a brilliant career but a tough childhood. Not for her, you. But its worth it, I promise.

edit....BoSox said it better than I, ditch the pull ups in the day time. Wet training pants are the key to knowing that she is responsoble for going to the bath room.

Answer 2

Intelligence really has nothing to do with it.  There are plenty of smart children who potty train late.  Skip the bribes, especially candy.  Just take it slowly, and let her tell you when she's ready.  I would ease up on the potty training for a few weeks, tell her it's there if she needs it, but don't push her to use it.  You can push potty training all you want, but the bottom line is that they just won't do it until they're good and ready.  If you try to bribe them and push them to use it, it can delay the process even further.  

Just a tip: when your daughter starts to initiate using the potty on her own, make sure you ditch the diapers AND Pull - Ups.  Pull - Ups are nothing but "big kid" diapers, and make it way too easy to have an accident.  Instead, get some cloth training pants.  They're basically cotton underwear with a little extra padding to catch leaks.  I found some in the cloth diaper section at Target when my son was 22 months old, and they worked like a charm.  Combined with a little boy who was truly interested in using the potty and wasn't pushed into it, he potty trained in just a few days.   By the end of the week, he was able to trade in his training pants for tiny boxers.

Some smart kids potty train before the age of two, while other smart kids don't potty train until closer to three.  Some  take a few days to get it down, while others take weeks.  But as I said, they'll do it when they do it.  Good luck.

Answer 3

follow her lead.  this is a control issue for her.  although she can go, she won't unless this is on her terms.

try a book/video as already suggested.  also try a timer every hour or so and make it potty time.  (she can get urinary tract infections from not peeing enough if she's being so stubborn to hold it in for hours).

Answer 4

Have you tried picking her up a potty training book, they have ones for little girls and boys.  They also have charts that she can put stickers on each time she goes.

Sometimes taking a break for a few days and then trying again can help.

Answer 5

Definitely a control issue. You can do either of two things. One, keep forging ahead, underwear only, and just be cool about when it goes awry. Or, you can just stop for now and wait a bit. My personal point of view is that once you start, you should just keep going. As soon as she understands that you are relaxed about the whole thing and she's really much more comfortable when she doesn't get her underwear wet, she'll start going.

Answer 6

This time of year you can have her go without a diaper at home--just big girl pants.  I was fortunate that we had wood/vinyl floors, and just let her experience weting herself.  Just stop getting diapers at home, or switch to cloth( less $$ more work, but she will feel wet...let her be in it a few minutes, wet and uncomfortable..not torture , just feeling the consequences..that might help.  Do you have any friends with children her age already trained? peer pressure/good role model might also guide her to getting on  with it.  Good luck.

Answer 7

We had a similar problem with our daughter. We got her a sticker book, and gave her one sticker if she peed on the potty because we told her it was time, & two stickers if she told us it was time to go. Then we made a really big deal of showing off her 'big girl' sticker book to anyone who came over. You might be able to adapt this to fit your situation. I learned that the worst thing you can do is stress her out over this, it will (or has) become a control thing. Relax and ease up a bit, if she feels like she's in charge of when and where she goes to the potty, it will be easier on both of you.

Answer 8

I just went thru the same thing with my daughter.  The problem I had with her is she didn't care if her diaper was wet or full of #2.  Plus she's just to busy to take the time to sit on the potty.  When I started with bad back problems, I realized one of my triggers was lifting her on to the changeing table.  So I walked in her room to get her after her nap.  And sat her on her changing table and told her very matter of factly, that she is simply to old for diapers.  That she is a big girl now and she will start wearing big girl undies.  From then on she only wore the undies.  Of course we did have some accidents, but much to my surprise not many.  I guess it's different for them to feel the pee run down their legs.  I dont know I wish I could get in her head.  But this is the only thing that worked.  I too tried the bribing, the sticker chart, the "treats", the potty movies.  I will say going to www.sesamestreet.com and letting her watch Elmo's Potty Time, also really helped last week in understanding avoiding accidents.  I hope this can help you.  I know how frustrating it can be.  Important thing is once you start her in pull ups or undies DO NOT go back to diapers.  It will confuse her and only make it worse for you down the road when you go back to using them.

Answer 9

Time to stop. You just need to take her in with you when you have to go. Just talk to her about anything but potty training. Soon she will go on her own. Lead by example. I did this with my boy and he went on his own before he was 2. Then when his aim was not that good, we gave him a tree outside.

Answer 10

My youngest was around 31 months by the time we got potty training sorted.  My eldest was 22 months, so they were quite different.  But with youngest, she just wasn't into it and so each time I tried, I'd give it a day and then put her back in nappies and carry on as normal and then try again in about 2 or 3 weeks.  This happened 3 times and then on the 4th time, she just did it, really quickly and was dry day and night from then on.

So I think if you forget about bribing with toys and things and just see it as her own personal goal, then that would work much better in the long run.  For some kids, they can go past 3 years and still be in pull-up pants and sometimes it is the going to school and everyone else is in proper underwear that gives them the desire to potty train.

So don't despair - she'll do it when she's ready, you just have to be very patient and very, very laid back about it (never make it an issue, or she'll realise that she's got some kind of hold over you).

Good luck