Flower poem????????????

Question

Reaching for the sky

The sun is too high

For saplings to touch

They haven’t grown much

Nourishment is a must

Nurture with trust

To insure maturity

And secure a sense of serenity

Until the drought

Causing their determination to come out

To not be uprooted

To not be booted

From the soil

Despite the turmoil

And continue to grow

And continue to show

That this plant is strong

And will remove its weeds

That lead it to do wrong

Ever since it was a seed

And when it has finally grown

The flower will glisten in the light

That has always shone

And will be the most beautiful sight

Any feedback welcome :-)

Answer 1

i guess its ok. but u can improve :)

Answer 2

Up until you mention the plant removing its nearby weeds, which I don't think real plants actually do, the poem seems to be a metaphor.  This line spoils the metaphor, however (unless I'm wrong about what plants do with weeds).

Otherwise I think it's a great start and congratulate you.

If you wish to refine it further, you could try giving more structure to the poem by making the lines all have a uniform number of syllables.

Good job so far though, congrats again.

Answer 3

hey i like it i give it a 10 =]

but thats just me

hope this helps and keep writing  

Answer 4

i like it

you clearly have a talent :)

keep it up

Answer 5

I told you once, This poem sounds more like a nursery rhyme. You'll give it a more mature voicing if you write in regular meter. And that is just because you've chosen to rhyme. If you want to rhyme then you have to summon it's comrade as well. your theme is good, your words are good, it's just the rhythm that I find disturbing. rewrite this in tetrameter (lines of 8 syllables) and then It'll be a worthy poem.

Good luck,

Lulle