Follow-up on domestic discipline--see my previous question.?

Question

So, I finally talked to my sister. She called and said that she'd just needed some time to think. She said that she was sorry she'd blown me off and that she understood that it must have been scary for me to see what he'd done, not understanding domestic discipline or their relationship. She said, "I consented to this. He didn't force it on me."

I said, "You consented to being whipped across the back? On top of a sunburn? You told him that it was okay for him to do that?"

And then she finally admitted that she hadn't consented to that part specifically, that she had actually asked--begged him not to do it, but that he'd told her that he had to make sure she didn't "forget this lesson." And she said she never will forget, that she'd never felt pain like that before. My blood was boiling at this point, but I did my best to follow the advice I got on my earlier question, and just listen. And then she finally said it, "I know he means well...but he just went too far."

I asked her if she'd told him that and she said not yet. I so wanted to tell her to get out of there, at least for a while, but I held my tongue and I just told her that I'm here for her. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. For me, if he was just spanking her, maybe I could accept it, even say that if it truly makes her happy then good for her, but this is like taking someone with a broken leg and kicking them in the shin. Injury on top of injury, and as someone mentioned, the possibility of organ damage on top of that.

I have to make a confession---my 4-year old daughter is not my husband's biological child (he has adopted her). I was with her biological father for 2 years. And he was an alcoholic who shoved me around and slapped my face on a regular basis, and beat me senseless on more than one occasion. It took finding out I was pregnant to get me the h**l out of there. I made it out alive and I'm grateful for that. And as crazy as it sounds, I credit him with helping me become who I am now--a woman who will not be intimidated. If you back me into a corner, I will fight back with everything I have. So yeah, I'm obviously biased when it comes to men beating on women--consensual or not--but I still don't see how this could be okay. Does anyone really think it is?

Is there anything else I can do? Or should I really just let this go? What if it's something even worse next time?

Answer 1

Dont let this go. I dont know who told you that was the way to deal with it, but it's not. Your sister is a grown woman, she doesn't need to be beaten  to be taught a lesson, no one does. When you talk to your sister again, encourage her to report this abuse. They can call it whatever they want to, but it is abuse, and it's illegal.

I am a lot like you, my first marriage was abusive, I was almost crippled and had to have surgery on my spine after I left him. I'm fine now, and a lot older and wiser. I'd never let another man touch me in anger.

Answer 2

I didn't read your previous question, but I'm still going to put my two cents in.  While I don't know how extreme the punishment given to your sister was, I would have to ask if there was blood or welting.  If not, then I'd be hard pressed to judge her husband too harshly, as I too am in a consensual spanking relationship that includes discipline, and punishments aren't meant to tickle.  If they were, then they would be indistinguishable from playtime spankings, and would serve no true disciplinary purpose.  As long as no longterm damage was done to her, I would say that pain alone isn't abuse in such a relationship.

I always sigh in disgust when I read questions like this, because the answers invariably will call any such relationship abusive and misogynistic, despite the reality that the female is usually the one that initiates it.  I have never spanked someone that didn't come to me first for that sort of treatment.

That being said, while they consented to the relationship, they don't consent to the immediate punishments.  In our relationships, we have what we refer to as "consensual nonconsent."  This means that they consent to being disciplined as part of the relationship, but may not directly consent to any individual punishment.  In other words, they want to be punished for wrongdoings, but don't *want* the punishment when it's given.

As a spanking fetishist and enthusiast, I find accusations of abuse to be tasteless and ignorant.

Answer 3

Until she sees this for what it REALLY is, ABUSE, there is not much you can do, except love her, and be there for her when she needs a friend. She is willingly letting him beat her, so it's consensual on her part. How d**n sad!!! Excuse me, but it makes me angry....all in the guise of "discipline".....I feel sorry for her, and don't even know her. How pitiful!! She "loves" him...he sure doesn't love her. Just love her, and be there to pick up the pieces. Good Luck.

Answer 4

Abuse is a very serious issue..that a person needs to address themselves..people must realize how serious domestic abuses are..and address it if they are being abused and leave the relationship