Follow-up q: What's so wrong with this?

Question

I'm really introverted and don't open up to people. I just answer their q's, ask about them, show interest, respond/give advce.

Answer 1

i wouldn't consider it impolite to not want to talk about yourself.  i don't think not talking about yourself is a problem if you don't do it with everyday people but you should be able to talk about yourself to people you're close with.  also, you shouldn't be opposed to talking about yourself.  if you don't want to talk about yourself, you either don't want to because it isn't amusing to you, other things are more amusing to you or you have things that you are hiding.  i think it's all three, you have a lot to hide so talking about yourself stresses  you out because those things might come up which makes it more amusing to you to talk about something different.  you shouldn't hide anything.  if you are hiding something, that means that you are embarrassed/disappointed/ashamed about the things you are hiding.  because of the fact that you said you don't like to talk about yourself and that you didn't specify by saying you don't like talking about a certain quality or area of yourself, that tells me you are extremely embarrassed about something(s) that the general topic of "yourself" makes you nervous that your secrets will be exposed enough to not want to talk about that whole general category.  

so i guess my answer is that not talking about yourself is o.k. but the things that you are hiding aren't.

Answer 2

You know... I'm just gonna come right out and say it:

It's okay to enjoy spending time quietly by yourself. You don't have to absolutely LOVE everyone. It's all right to roll your eyes every now and then, or to have that snarky inner thought or experience an exasperated *grr* moment over those "it's all about me" people. Some of us are just more cynical than others! (Gah! I hate getting caught in those loopy, one-sided conversations, so I feel your pain.)

BUT (and everyone has a big 'BUT' don't they?)...  [feel free to snicker]  you HAVE to have something else going for you.



I'm not much of a chatterbox but I enjoy conversation with a purpose. I engage fully when required. I volunteer my time to good causes. I have MANY hobbies so it always surprises people that I know about so many things. It's fun to surprise people. It's entertaining. It keeps them (and you) from focusing so much attention on themselves. No one likes those drama divas - they're boring! It's all "me. me. me. wah."  

I have a co-worker that some cannot pry 2 words out of no matter how congenial the conversation is. She's not a snob or surly or rude. She just doesn't enjoy idle chatter or blather. -BUT- she is into art and photography and the theatre and she sews and knits and makes jewelery... okay? She is very artistic and talented. It's stuff she enjoys doing alone and thus when she has a conversation, it's interesting.

Anyway, I'm stepping off my little advice box now. You sound like a nice person that's just stuck in an uncomfortable place right now. Also, try keeping a journal. (It can contain anything at all - not just writing.) It helped me.

Think of how great this time of your life will work to your advantage when you're writing your book! ("It was a dark and stormy night... but all I could hear was my friend yapping about how her boyfriend doesn't pay enough attention to her for the millionth time - grr!")

Hang in there.

Answer 3

It sounds like you're having a pity party for yourself.

Answer 4

I don't understand your question.

Are you boohooing about people being nasty to you online?  If that is the case, get over it.  It's just yahoo answers.  Hopefully you enough self esteem to put this in perspective.

Answer 5

If that's how you want to live, then by all means.  But it's a shame if you let a few sour grapes ruin it for the entire bunch.  Not all people suck.  But I feel you, I hate those few that do.  But if you'd like to find more friends, then just try to be more tolerant of people.  Maybe people are rejecting you because they pick up on the vibe that you don't care much for them or to be around them... Why should they bother putting any effort into a friendship if that's the case... and honestly, maybe they are just as insecure as you.  Just tear down the wall, go out and make some friends... Enjoy life and everything it has to offer.

Answer 6

The point is in sharing – like having a two-way street in a relationship. It’s one-way only at present for you. You are being a good friend to other people, giving unselfishly to meet their needs...But, what about you? You don’t seem to be getting any returns; there are no replenishments for your own health and well-being.  

These others get into the habit of not considering your wants/needs, taking you for granted. You also help them do so by stating nothing at all about yourself. That eventually makes you feel ‘used’, neglected and bitter.

Introverts do find it difficult to open up, to communicate feelings. That is what you need to learn to do. Start talking about you too. (Just take care that no one person monopolises the conversation, and ‘traffic’ moves both ways!) It may feel a little awkward at first but do keep at it. When the conversation appears to wander away, don’t give up in frustration. Try again after sometime – the process of sharing will require a bit of practise to happen smoothly.