Follow up to Kate and "Why are the homeschoolers so..." question?

Question

I asked "What are the Cons of sending your child to school." in the primary/2ndary ed. forum:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/;_ylc=X3oDMTE1djgwdWY4BF9TAzIxMTU1MTcxMTgEc2VjA2Fuc19ub3QEc2xrA3N1YmplY3Q-;_ylv=3?qid=20080403083436AADlp9k

Seems schoolers don't jump up with lists of cons either. Like HSs, they see

- a lifestyle choice

- it is what you make of it

- the good comes with the bad

Does this mean people who school kids think they are better?

Maybe it just means that pros and cons for a major lifestyle are not as clear-cut. They are personal... people who like HSing, or schooling, are not going to find cons with their lifestyle, at least none they consider serious considerations or unavoidable, while other people who didn't want or like that lifestyle might.

So the follow-up questions are (for anyone)--

what is wrong with that?

And why does people loving HSing make it so suspicious while people loving school are just being positive?

Answer 1

Good points!  I have always felt that unschooling is a way of life, it's not just about the schooling.  And, honestly any con that ever crossed my mind has been of little consequence, like any other thing in life with which I have to cope.

I don't think there is anything wrong with being happy with your lifestyle choices and sharing that joy with others.  

The thing is that homeschoolers choose the path less travelled, and the people on the main path get a bee in their bonnet about it.  

I just wish there wasn't such an Us vs. Them mentality on Y/A.  I have never run across this in real life, so it has shocked me that there is so much prejudice.  It's sad.

:D

Answer 2

I think in general and on whatever subject people tend to down play or not recognise any cons of their situation either because they've given it serious thought and don't see the cons as relevant or even cons at all, OR they haven't and don't want to think about it for fear of discovering something that would require them to change.

Is there anything wrong with that? No, at least as long as they don't feel the need to attack anyone who is happy with a different situation.

Some of the anti-HS posters seem to be almost evangelical about it, as if they're SAVING poor defenceless children from the horrors of HS! HS is no threat to the PS system, unless simply existing as an alternative is seen as that subversive. It's a bit of a puzzle why we get so much venom from people who'd think must be deliriously happy with PS. Why do they care what anyone else is doing?

Answer 3

I think some of it comes from bad homeschoolers (horror stories of abuse), some comes from pretentious homeschoolers (people who suggest it's the "only" choice if you care about your kids, instead of ANOTHER choice) and some of it may be transferred guilt. (Parents of traditionally schooled students like the IDEA of schooling at home but worry it'll be too much work or that they'll do poorly at it.)

Not every public school is bad, neither is every homeschool good. Every situation is different. I think the bad perceptions on either side usually stem from a "one size fits all" stereotype of public schools and homeschools.

Answer 4

I think what Kate was referring to is the prevailing attitude on this forum, which I have been subjected to on more than one occasion. If only it were possible to have discussions instead of being attacked right away, it would make this forum so much better for all concerned. As it is now, it is a closed private forum and anyone who intrudes or disagrees or asks a question is attacked by virtually everyone,l with a few exceptions. Nothing is wrong with homeschooling, it is the people who are so defensive and intolerant who make it seem so untouchable as a topic.  And no one finds it "suspicious" unless they are not familiar with it and honestly, if more people on this forum would take the time to explain it without personal attacks, that would go far in establishing a common ground and elicit more acceptance and good will all around.

EDIT: Bravo Glurpy; well put, you have great insight.

Answer 5

This is really an excellent observation.  I grew up in the 60's....when people spoke their mind and took the consequences of doing so.  Some didn't want to hear what you had to say, but the buzz phrase was "I don't agree with or like what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."   Now it seems that this period of pervasive and ridiculous "political correctness" has surreptitiously eroded our rights to freedom of speech and the concept of pursuit of happiness.  The new unspoken motto seems to be "Shut up and stop thinking as you do.....you make ME feel bad and after all, it is all about ME isn't it?"

      People seem less likely to "live and let live" and more likely to attack that which is different even as they do so under the banner of tolerance.  It is disturbing.  

Public schooling is great for some, not all.

Private schooling is great for some, not all.

Homeschooling is great for some, not all.

No one should have to defend their choices if they are honestly made in the best interests of their own child.  Perhaps we are on the cusp of a great revival in personal choice and personal responsibility for those choices.  Wouldn't that be a novel thing?

Answer 6

I think the problem is that people get suspicious and cautious of things that they know very little or nothing about. There are a lot of people who post comments without having done any research on the topic. Therefore it is solely the opinion of the poster.  There are also a lot of people who post just because they want the points for posting and in doing so tend to offend a lot of the people in this board. The ones that I have seen offend the most are the ones that just say something unintelligent about socialization issues. The fact is that a good majority (not all mind you) have zero problems with socialization. There are so many programs availible to hs'ers these days its almost impossible to not socialize them. There are the occasional few that dont because of what ever reason, but that's not the majority and that's what bugs people. Those posts make it seem like its impossible to socialize a child in any way unless they go to a ps. So those who seem to be attacking the people who post a negative are probably just defending themselves as they get attacked on this board quite a bit by those who dont know much about homeschooling.

Answer 7

Those who judge most are the most likely to feel judged by others. That's how I've come to see it in here. Our perception of what has been written is going to be filtered through our experience, background and personality. Someone can say, "I just feel it's the best thing for my kids," and you'll have one person think, "Wow, that's great that they are looking out for their kids so much!" and another can think, "What, so I'm not giving the best to my kids?" or "You think you know so much! Don't you realize the harm you're doing to them?"

With a written forum, unfortunately you don't hear tones of voice, don't see facial expressions, don't see any form of body language or just feel the energy that someone else is using. We process things through our own expectations and feelings. I might interpret something as being hostile when it isn't at all. We can keep trying to have these forums be like discussions, but the fact of the matter is they can never be and will always have more misunderstanding than being face-to-face. (Of course, that's another aspect all together, that people say things in here they'd hopefully never say to someone's face!)

Answer 8

You make a good point.

No, it doesn't necessarily mean they think they are better.

I love your last question.  Don't need to answer it as much as just say I agree.

Answer 9

Three posters responded to your question and two cited cons.

ONE prr-school person failing to post cons of schools is hardly a pattern.

I don't have a problem with people loving homeschooling, I have a problem with people jumping on people who post POSSIBLE problems (challenges if your prefer) of homeschooling.

There is a difference between being positive about your choice and being intolerant of other people's opinions or discussions of issues that can arise.

Answer 10

The bottom line is: We like our lives and that infuriates people who do not like theirs. Can anti-HSers not accept that we cannot list cons that do not exist? I find it spooky that they want so badly to find something nasty about homeschool. The more they look and find nothing, the more determined they seem to become. It is clear that they have no qualms with just making up negatives about homeschool.

A con is different from a challenge. I relish a challenge. A challenge has a solution within a given situation. Challenges are personal, not universal.

I saw the answer by the teacher who clearly felt threatened by homeschoolers. I find it funny that she did not find herself to be a "fascist" for thinking she could teach a class full of other people's children, but thinks we are for having the confidence to teach one or a few of our own. I am certain there is a personality disorder behind that sort of thinking. When I see all this melodramatic talk of “No descent”, “fascism” and “stabbed in the back” I begin to seriously wonder what these people’s real life experiences must be. How can anyone have such a strong response in oposition to the simple statement: Most of us are doing a great job educating our kids and our kids are happy and well adjusted? It is nothing short of madness.