Follow up to the follow up to "Why do I have no friends at all/am I a loser?"?

Question

I get how easy it is for people like you to tell people like me to 'just stop eating' or 'just go out and meet people.' I have met people and I always keep an open mind when I do but I am ALWAYS disappointed when they don't want to hang out with me. I have an eating disorder. Without certain types of food I am overcome with tremendous anxiety. Even when I looked like I did in this link: http://www.hotornot.com/r/?eid=R8KQRUE&key=VQM no girl who was even remotely attractive liked me. NEVER!!! I've had tons of first dates, and I go to all of them keeping a positive attitude, but no second dates: NEVER!!! I also have nothing to talk about with other people. Everything I like: movies, music, tv, politics...everyone else likes types of those that I don't. I can't tell stories about myself because I have none. What else you got?

Answer 1

You really need to stop for a moment and CHILL. I feel anxious and suffocated just reading your posts. I can sense your desperation hundreds of miles away and it is a major turn-off.

People with inferiority complexes are as self-absorbed as narcissists. If you've had tons of first dates and no second dates, you must be turning them off! I saw your pic: it says Nashville. Are you liberal in politics (you mentioned having different views)? TN, I am sure, is pretty conservative. If so, perhaps you need to move to Chicago where there is more diversity and open-mindedness. And here's something else I took from your remarks: the phrase "everthing I like." Perhaps that is the crux of the problem: you are going on about yourself instead of letting the other person do most of the talking! Why not take a backseat on your next date and see if the girl feels listened to and wants to see you again? Maybe you're a bore who monopolizes the conversation.

Answer 2

I reiterate my previous answer, you need to find a community clinic that will treat your depression for free and get yourself together first, the friends will naturally come after that.  You seem to have a real aversion to doing anything for yourself, that may be why you have no friends.  No one likes someone who's perpetually helpless and then demanding at the same time.

Answer 3

Don't feel bad about having tons of first dates!  There are lots of people who never get first dates!  Congratulations on your plethora of first dates!  You aren't a bad looking person, and even if you were, trust me when I say that a stereotypically ugly person with a great personality is far more appealing than an attractive jerk.  

Maybe you need to work on finding groups of people who enjoy the types of movies, music, etc... that you do.  If you like eating perhaps you should find a social dining group.  If you like Jazz, go to a jazz club.  If you like horror movies join a horror movie chat site and find out if there are going to be any local screenings that the group will attend that you could go to.  

If you have a specific eating disorder, there is probably a support group for that in your area where you could meet people with the same eating disorder.  There are dating websites that are devoted to all sorts of ailments and disorders so that you can find someone to date who understands exactly what you go through because they go through it too.  

As for getting the second date...  Think back to your plethora of first dates.  Focus on one at a time.  Think about how you were acting and how the other person was responding.  Was the other person happy in the beginning of the date and leaning into the conversation?  Did you at some point say something they took offense to?  Did you notice when their body language changed?  Pay attention to body language.  There's a ton of books on dating body language.  Go to a bookstore like Borders and check out the self help section.  There are millions of books on body language and dating etiquette.  You might also want to get one on improving self confidence.

You need to be comfortable with who you are and accept yourself for who you are before you can expect anyone else to do the same.