For Husbands and Wives: Do you think after you got married, your spouse expected you to change?

Question

For instance, guys if you went out every Wednesday with the boys, but now that you're married, you wife wants you home. Ladies, did your guy expect you to be Suzy Homemaker when you've never even boiled water?

Answer 1

I got marred for the wrong reasons and then she got pregnant and I stayed in it for the child. That was a good and bad decision to do. I have lost allot of years in a bad marriage, but I sure have allot of catching up to do when I meet the right one.

Answer 2

Nope, not at all. We dated for 3 years before we got married and we knew each other pretty well and knew exactly what to expect.  

Answer 3

The way it works. .is

A women marries a guy and expects him to change, but never does

A guy married a women expecting she won't change, but she does.  

Answer 4

I think my wife took me 'as is'. Naturally as the marriage progresses there is behavior that you may see surface that you might tolerate or not allow any license. Granted I'm not talking about wild stuff but things that one does to 'put him or her to the test' so to speak.

On the whole I don't think I'm terrifically different than when I was single 25 years ago. Lets remember, age, maturity and the common sense not to tweak the tail of the dragon keeps you in check.

Answer 5

I have been wanting to change my wife for many years!  The problems is: she is extremely closed minded which contradicts to me, in being extremely open minded. I talk to my marriage conselor about this and the conselor says, its possible, but in small baby steps to be able to change your spouse for the better, for the best interest of each other.  Like for example.  Trying to spice up the marriage after many long years of being together.  

Answer 6

No.  My husband married me for the woman I am and vice versa.  Everyone expects some type of change, change for the better as in, becoming more mature or realizing you are part of a team now and not a single unit.  But other than that, no.  Somethings should just change.  I use to go to the club all the time when we first started dating and when we got serious, I stopped going.  But other than things like that, no changing.

Answer 7

After we married, he started finding fault. I would have been happy if he stayed the same. No matter what I did to please him it was not enough. I told him his anger and criticism were damaging my feelings for him and guess what? That made him angry because it was a terrible thing to say to him. I read books and articles, went to counseling both individual and marital. He says he's the only one who makes effort to change.

Well, 20 years later, I have changed, I have stopped loving him and hoping he will learn empathy. I think my last big change will be divorce and I bet he won't approve of that either.

Answer 8

Let's see..yes and then she complains I am not the same person she married...I don't get it..1st they like who you are then they change you to what they want and then complain that you changed and not the same person....(bangs head on table)

Answer 9

Nope.  Easy question.

Answer 10

Well, that is not the typical marriage, honestly. Yeah, I mean there are some marriages where the husband loves to party, and the wife can even boil water, but' it's not the norm.  

With us, my husband and I both partied, and we both eventually outgrew that stage. We DO still party, but it's nowhere near what it used to be.  As for me...I have always loved to cook. I started cooking when I was like 7 years old, and my husband cooks, too. He's a pretty darn cook, at that!!

But, to answer your question...neither of us "expected" the other to change, but that is what happens when you are married. You grow together, and learn how to please one another. Learn how to compromise. ALL of which is important to making a marriage thrive, not just survive. =)

Answer 11

When we first married, we made a mutual agreement that we were each others friend.  Neither of us ever had any reason to "go out with the boys or girls" after marriage.  Both of us had jobs and at our jobs we had mutual on the job friends there.  Sometimes those friends would come over for a visit, but very seldom.  We enjoyed each others company so much that we did not need friends.  We did things together.  Now, with saying that, things did start to change after our children got up older.  We kind of grew apart from our friendship in the last 5 years (17 yrs married) and started talking to others on the cell phone and such.  I guess it's our age now, but we still sit on the sofa and talk when we are both off from work.  He just has other folks he talks to now more so than then and I do too.  The only thing I expected of change is his addiction to Budweiser.

Answer 12

actually, we were both young and dumb, not expecting either of us to change...years continued to pass as we got frustrated that each of us were changing, and we didn't like that at all, i think because it meant we were growing up.  now, we expect change as often as the seasons. it's not just about staying at home, or cooking and cleaning...it's also about two people growing, sharing their lives together as one, to create a sense of stability that our parents tried their best to make for us.

Answer 13

I nevert expected my wife to change, and I would know of her kitchen skills long before I wed her

Answer 14

i know a guy who hung out every wednesday, friday and saturday night. after he got married, he still hung out every wednesday, friday and saturday night. after he and his wife had their first baby, he still hung out. personally, i think he is a jerk. why bother getting married in the first place if he is going to continue with his 'single guy' routine.

bottom line, they should do things together.