For Parents Only!!! Question from a Father?

Question

I will try and make this short, I am a Father of Four and divorced. I am with my children daily to pick them up from school,homework etc...

I don't have much of a social life because of the time that I want to spend with my children. I do have women friends and this one wants to have a serious relationship. I have told her that my children come first no matter what and I will never have a serious realationship again because I could never give someone Unconditional Love and She just don't get it. What my question is: As a Father should I give less time to my children because of a realationship or should I continue with my life being Happy the way it is?

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Am I wrong to feel this way?

Any comments are appreciated

Answer 1

My daughter told me one day that she does not know what real love is about and has never seen it.  She was referring to my marriage with her father.  She knew we were unhappy and wondered why we were still together.  I finally filed for divorce.  When I remarried, she now knows what real unconditional love in a marriage is all about.  Now, she wants the same thing for herself.

Question is, what kind of example are you setting for your children as a role model for them to look for in a spouse?  Do they know and understand what real love is all about?  Are you depriving them of being in a loving home with a father and a mother even if she is a step mother?  Don't you think your daughter will need a "mother" in the home when her hormones start making her a little screwy?

While you are depriving them of the role model, you are also depriving yourself of happiness.  You deserve some too, you know.

Answer 2

If this girl friend is really interested in you and a long term relationship, can't she do things with you and your children together? It is awesome that you are such a great dad, because they depend on you to take care of them physically and emotionally. This may make it difficult to have a social life, but not impossible. Any woman who falls for a man with 4 children should expect there to be time limitations on your part. maybe you just have not found the right woman yet. Maybe  the right one can blend into your exsisting family and then you could give her the same unconditional love you give your kids. Good luck, beautiful kids!

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear of the divorce. That word ugh-it's such an ugly one. And to finally come to a part in your life where you feel that you are ready to begin dating shows signs that your are on the road of recovery.  

Unconditionally you will always love your children. I'm sure they understand that but, do you? It sounds like you have no plans to remarry anytime soon. But, consider the situation..if you do plan to remarry. Will you be willing to put your new wife before your children? I often hear of homes where the children rule the roost  end up in chaos. A new marriage in despair over the kids. It's a hard decision-divorce was almost a decision I made in the past.

I'm happy that we made it through that.

I would say continue with the dating scene and caution it since you do have kids. It's important you take care of you so you can take care of the kids. Men and women were made for one another. Trust yourself..inside you know what's best for you and the kids with the other woman in mind. To me it even sounds like you are still in love with the ex. Maybe, just maybe the divorce is what you need to find you still care. You have already vowed to love no other woman the same as you did her... ( I will never have a serious realationship again because I could never give someone Unconditional Love ) unless I am mistaken. I think it's quite nice that you still have a good relationship with the ex.

I know I jumped around a bit on the advice but, I hoped it helped. Best of Luck in finding happiness.

My advice reflects from "Marie's" advice. The advice from a person who grew up in such a situation.

Answer 4

I know you said for parents only, but as a child (I am grown up and married) of a Man who has been single and miserable for a long time, you're attitude and feelings will be reflected in the way you treat your children. We lost my mother when i was 11 and my dad started dating women when i was around 14. He would never commit and thus drive women away. he always says i come first, but because he was so miserable, I really came second to his emotions. He is a great father and is in a relationship with a woman now for 5 years. They are not very close because she lives sort of far away, but they see each other as often as possible. Having someone like that has made my father a better man and father. (but make sure your kids like her because i really dont like my "step mom")