For Those Who Have Left Their Baby's Fathers or Been Left?

Question

I left my son's father when I was just pregnant like between 6-8weeks.

I needed to go home to my mum I couldn't live with him or his nan and pop any longer. And Brad (Jayden's dad) didn't have a job or anything good going for him. I didn't want to break up by going home to mum but he said if I went it was over.

Brad changed his number so I couldn't call or text him. Finally got his new number when Jayden was born called to say I had him and asked if he wanted to sign birth cet. He declined and said he wasn't the father. We fought for mths and finally had to hand in paperwork for birth cet, no father on it.

Anyways haven't spoken or anything in over a year and he has never seen Jayden (17mth)

I've been crying because he guy I fell in love with wouldnt have done this.

I have never denied him seeing Jayden.

Do you ever get over leaving your child's father and him not being involved?

He says it's my fault Jayden will never know him. Is it really my fault

Answer 1

No it is not your fault at all. My ex was abusive physically, verbally, mentally, emotionally, in every shape. We were together for nearly 5 yrs. Had 2 little girls together, and he denied the 2nd one. Now I am married to the most wonderful man in the world, who wants to adopt them, and we have a daughter together.

I tried to force the sperm donor to be a dad, but after a while I just said tha heck with it. He didn't want to be there for them like a father should, so he is not there for them at all. We were not married so he has no legal rights whatsoever to my kids. It has been over 3 years since the last time he saw them. Word has it that he is trying to locate them, but you know it is so hard, living in the same small town! If he really wanted to see them bad enough then he would try (my parents live 7 houses down from his grandmother for crying out loud!!)

Anyways, my point is that if you have a man in your life who is willing to be his dad, then let him. Your ex is blaming you because he is so guilty and yes you will get over leaving him. Don't even worry about your ex. He will regret it one day..... PROMISE!

Answer 2

I never knew my father. Mum didn't even try though. Get his parents involved (I wish that's what mum had done). Your son is their grandson as much as your ex is his father. There's always the whole paternity test thing too. Perhaps the grandparents can talk to him about that if he really DOES have doubts.

Answer 3

Why would it be your fault????   You've done everything you can to get him involved, but he's just not interested.  I think, personally, that he's trying his very best to avoid having to pay child support and that's why he didn't want his name on the birth certificate, won't see him and denies he's the father.

Answer 4

Dont blame yourself for what happened. The father of my baby left me at 18 weeks and now i'm 21 weeks. I dont think you ever do get over the father, you might.. but you will always know who the father is and that might be rough and not easy to get over.

My situation is that the father was super excited to have this kid with me.. and he swears up and down its his and he'll do anything for it.. except he has not gotten a job. Now that we have broke up.. he isn't claiming it anymore.. not even a little excited.. and doesn't want anything to do with it.. I heard after we get a paternity test to see if the babyis really his, and it is.. hes going to leave the state... and all this is because his mother told him to do it...

I think about it all the time... I wish he was still here.. but things happen for a reason. Dont blame yourself, and sooner or later maybe the father will come around.

Answer 5

You know what, move on, you have Jayden, more than likely the best thing that has ever happened to you, you are able to make it with your parents, leave the loser alone, stop the crying, stop reaching out to the loser, don't be the one the pity party is for and you raise your son, the best you can and believe you me, one day and I am not talking about tomorrow, that piece of c**p you had that angel by will want to be his father and you know what, at that time, it might be too late, but the best part of it is, you will have been there and you would have been a Mother and a father, so don't stress it, it will work out, but you have to stay strong, you have to stay focused.  Oh and the skin color thing, leave that to the losers as well, nothing can divide a family like the skin color "thing".   God Bless.

Answer 6

I didnt know my biological "father" till i was 16 (actually my birthday he rang) my mum got together with my real dad wen i was 6 months old n nothing was ever mentioned to me. I believe i would of been better off not knowing becos my biological "father" isnt that great a guy while my dad is the best person i know n i truly admire him and love him to bits.. This may not be the right thing for u but i got to make my own mind up about him and if i wanted him in my life.. In the end he is missing out on ur child becos of his own stupidity while ur partner now is being fantastic and getting to share the joys of ur son with u.. Its not ur fault at all..

Answer 7

Don' beat yourself up over this. It's not your fault. If he wants to be so immature - let him. After all, he's the one who misses out. Just don't say things to your son like "daddy left us" because he will resent him.

My sons dad left us when I fell pregnant. His words I believe were "you're a s**t, the kids not mine". Yeah, I wasn't but anyway. I have said to my son if he wants to look for his father he can when he's 18. Talk to your son as he gets older about his dad. Don't cry, there are better men than that out there who would treat you better than this guy could even try to.

Answer 8

It is not your fault!! I left my ex when I was pregnant, he said the baby wasn't his so I said Fine it's not, he came around and pretends to be dad of the year every so ofter. It is his fault if he dosen't see him. You are allowing yourself to be victimized by him so stop. He's a loser who didn't want anything to do with you or the baby so forget him. You DO get over it. You learn to be self supporting and self dependant. Your baby has you and you have witnessed so much with his first steps, first laugh and that is all you need. If you need anything feel free to e-mail me. It's hard to just let it go but you have to. Move on with you and your son and show him you don't need him for anything. I wouldn't call or write or stop by with the baby. It's his baby and if he wants to see it then he will but in the meantime you focus on you and Jayden, all you need is eachother!!! Never feel bad for standing your ground, that is one thing you did right! If mommy is not happy then the baby will not be happy! I am engaged to be married to a guy I met when I was 4.5 months pregnant and now my life is perfect. He was in the room when I had my baby and he got to cut her umbillical chord. Dont' mess it up with a good guy because of the baby's dad. If it was horrible to deal with before nothing will change, it will be even more horrible with a baby involved.

Answer 9

it is not your fault that his birth dad has not had the guts to be a dad!!

If he is saying you cheated on him then go him for child support after all that is the child's right to have, then maybe he will have to except that you where faithful to him and wont to see the child if he is losing part of his pay.

Sorry to say this but he is the same guy you know just that he hid that side from you!

your new partner from what you said is the real dad to your child! the other one is no more then a Sperm donor please try to see it that way as really latter on it may course tent-on with your partner as it takes more then just s*x to be a parent

Good luck

Answer 10

Just let him (Brad) go. You've got the right person. Why bother thinking about the past?  Wait until your child is old enough to let him know what had happened (if you think the truth helps him). If not, live for now and the future and don't even mention it to the child.  Only God and you know that you did not cheat in the last relationship.  So, do not take false accusation inside to hurt yourself over and over again.  Cute little Jayden needs a happy mom!

Answer 11

I have a lot of trouble getting my head around any of this. I don't understand why women get pregnant to someone when they obviously don't want to be. My wife of 12 years ran off with another bloke when she was 7 months pregnant. The baby hasn't been born yet and I am at a lose as to what to do. She now lives 1500 kilometres away and i feel like my heart has been ripped out, and I dare say Brad feels the same. What is a man suppose to think when you get pregnant, run away and then before the bubs born your planning on marrying someone else, WTF. Of course the mans going to question whether the baby's his or not, thats why Maurie Povich is rich, because this sort of thing happens far to frequently. I think the women needs to prove to the guy that the baby is his, by organising a paternity test. Ask yourself, if the shoe was on the other foot how would I feel? Women are so selfish...............I'm not saying its your fault, but it is something your going to have to live with forever. Consider how the fella would be feeling and understand this, that hes hurting big time, in his mind he has lost everything. Like me, I lost a wife, unborn child and 4 pets, which were stolen away whilst I was at work. You have to prove he is the father if you want him involved with the child. Its not about child support, although no man is going to be happy being used for financial gain, which this situation could also be viewed as, "A Golden Ticket".

Its not only that, your going to have to field questions later in your sons life about what happened. Your going to have to sort this out, sooner or later, for your sons sake.

Hope I've shed some light on this subject for you, no offence meant. Cheers