Question:

For Wives: What would you do if?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

I found out that my husband has been having an affair for almost a year. His phone speed dialed my phone while he was talking to the woman on another line. His conversation to her recorded on my phone and when I confronted him with it, he was very defensive and finally admitted it. We have been married 21 years and I would have never thought that this would happen. WE have 2 girls that are very disturbed and have expressed their anger toward their father. He doesn't seem regretful. He has been justifying his actions as a result of past arguments in our marriage. What would you do?

 Tags:

   Report

19 ANSWERS


  1. Yes, cheating is awful and yes, you should leave and get child support (if your kids are still underage), but I just dont get the whole 'take him for everything' stuff. Wouldnt it feel so  much better to get out of the relationship, start over and do it by yourself, not needing to take 'everything' ? Maybe its just me, but I have pride and would tell him to go to h**l- and to take his stuff!


  2. Divorce him for adultery and get half of everything he owns and then get a nice big fat child support and alimony check from him as well.  

  3. Although my first reaction would be to say kick him to the curb I also know that there are marriages that do survive infidelity. Some are even better but it takes a lot of work and you will go through a lot of pain. And more importantly the cheater has to want it to work and be willing to withstand some very difficult times. He does not sound like he is ready to take responsibility for his actions. Nor does he seem to truly understand the depths of hurt his betrayal has caused.  Is the other woman also married? Is being with her even an option? One of the fastest ways for an affair to lose its magic is to actually live together and deal with the real world instead of the fantasy. But even if he leaves her can you live with that betrayal? No matter how bad your relationship got it does not justify him cheating. That only made the last year that much more difficult for both of you. If it was that bad he could have asked for a separation or divorce. He made that choice to be deceptive and betray you all on his own so do not accept ownership of that. Only you know what you are willing to accept as his treatment of you. You are also sending a powerful message to your girls so think about what message you want to send. Please for your own sanity, find a counselor or someone that you can talk to. This is extremely difficult and you have some big choices ahead of you. But if you choose to leave....know that it WILL get better. You will survive and you will be happy again. Good luck.

  4. you guys have been together for 21 years.and just like any other couples there are ups n downs too..good and bad moments and yet look at u now still together...because there's love still...

    ...i would say fight a good fight!!!

  5. I would Divorce him and sue for child support-fuq him

  6. What I am doing with my last one ... divorce the bum and take him for everything you can get.

    Have you ever seen the new std's out there?  He put you at risk and could have destroyed your life for ever.  Don't take that garbage from him, throw him out.

    Cheaters make good liars and liars make good cheaters.  Your last 21 years just might not be as good as you think they were.  

  7. Of course he is justifying his actions by using insignificant things from the past.  In 21 years of marriage, there are going to be disagreements and arguments.  I would have to tell him to go.  If he's been doing this for almost a year and shows no regrets, I feel he's no longer the man you married.  If he had problems with the marriage, he should have come to you before things went this far and tried to work things out.  I am so sorry you and your girls are having to go through this.  I suggest you see an attorney immediately for the sake of your girls, and have him leave.  I don't feel you will ever be able to trust him again.  I know I couldn't.  Do what is best for you and the girls.  I know this has to be very hard for you, but he has chosen his path and it's now time for you to take control.  Good luck to you and just let the girls know how much you love them.  You will all need each other more than ever during this time.

  8. Take him for everything you can get.

  9. Personally i would send him packing...After that many years married he will pay dearly for for what he did in alimony for the rest of your life.

  10. kick his a** while he sleeping and than take him for all he has in my eyes cheating is the worst thing you could do to someone in a marriage i hope you can find strength to leave him because he will do it again especially if hes trying to justify his actions

  11. Tell him to get the h**l out. I would not be putting up with this. If it is so bad he can leave.  

  12. Thats what cheaters do, they try to blame the partner in hopes they don't look like the a$$holes they really are....there is no way to justify cheating no matter how hard you try..

  13. this is wrong, and even the Bible says that the only reason to divorce someone would be if they cheated on you. so if youre religious, you can go for that out. and even if you arent, if the Bible itself says that divorce is acceptable in this matter, then it is obviously a big sin in a marriage relationship.

  14. I would divorce him thats what i would do.

  15. I think the whole take him for everything is cruel. I know he cheated and thats wrong. It is also wrong that the daughters have to be apart of this all. I would try to NOT include him in this whole mess. They are the ones who have deal with growing up. They don't need this right now. Im not going to say it isn't wrong that he cheated because it was wrong..But you guys did love each other at one point.or still do.....so the person who said to take him for everything is completely wrong. What I think you should do is talk to him about what is gong in his head. Ask him why, if he still loves you or feels like he is done this marriage. If he is completely unreasonable and doesn't give a c**p...Leave his azz....Its wrong what he did..but after 21 years you guys have to come together and figure something out. Your came together for 21 years didn't you? If its one against another. JUST FORGET IT. Time heals  all!  

  16. My husband says if it was reverse he would kill me.

    i would be deeply hurt, i cant even imagine.

    I have been married 4+ years and i have a clam wonderful relationship and if i found out he was cheating i would wig out. honestly i think i would cry and cry and cry...but i dont know that i could ever trust him again based on the fact that i have been cheated on in the past by other men and have found it to be reoccurring, like i forgave once and so he did it again....

    But i don't think i could live without my husband. so i would be in a hard spot... was your marriage good other then that? do some soul searching, and talk to him about how much he has hurt and offended you and your love for him.

    again, people can say dump him or what ever but only you know how much you love him, how much joy is in your life because of him, how good your friendship is, so only you can react to this...

    Good luck. I pray you find happiness no matter what you do.

  17. You have been married for 21 years, you need to ask yourself is there anything worth saving.  If you can remember the best in him and you can find the strength then with counseling and time your marriage can get thru this but if you don't think you have it in you then cut your losses and move on.  On a side note, SHAME on you for involving your daughters.  They do not deserve to be brought into this.  It is between you and your husband but now you have scarred both of them and may affect their future relationships with men and you have definitely damaged the relationship they have with their father.

  18. i would get a cast iron frying pan & beat the fool out of him!!

    but thats not so great, Only you really know your husband even if you feel right now that you don't, & you know your marriage. The question is do you really love him? does he still love you, even though he has cheated? Its now out in the open you know about it. He is going to be defensive & try everything to not make it his fault but he's probably ashamed of what he's done. Im going to say this if you think there is still hope for you & your hubby of so long then fight for your marriage & your husband.  I suggest talking to him without screaming which right now may be very hard & see what yall are  going to decide to do together if he hears you don't want a divorce & may want to work it out, he might actually open up & say ok if he realizes that though angry & hurt you still love him & want to be with him. It can work out but it will take more heartache & forgiving & healing. I don't know your husband so i can't tell you what to do, we can all give you advice on here but its up to you & if you can still put your heart into it. God can do wonders believe it or not, my marriage has been through some hard times as in cheating & it hurts bad, so bad & i hate that you have to go through this, but my husband gave up my (situation very different than yours) & he honestly thought i wouldn't love him anymore. I proved him wrong, i wasn't letting go of him. I made mistakes also with my hubby after what he did to me & i truely regret it, revenge isn't sweet, especially not in the long run.The only reason though was God i believe thats why im still married to my hubby, through alot of prayer, & i thank him for that. my husband is a good man a wonderful man & he screwed up real bad but now we're happy together & sometimes things will pop up & it still hurts but thats called healing. If you love him & think it could work then try it out & give God a try, i hope you figure this out i really do. Our experiences differ but i know that pain of betrayel & anger & all the crazy emotions but lean on God, lean on friends & family. what he did is completely wrong there is no justifying it & it may take him sometime to come to that, he is probably just trying to make his guilt subside, i mean his daughters know thats gotta suck but he put himself there, pray for your husband. I can't tell you to stay with this man, i can' t tell ya to divorce him. Its so easy for everyone to say divorce him now but its not their life, their 21 years, the man/woman they love. I just don't say divorce because i know that a marriage can make it through things, my marriage has, & its better then before because of God, its possible but ultimately its your choice, if you quit your hubby does completely, if you don't just maybe there is that chance but are you ready for it, is he willing? You have to do what you feel is best. I wish you the best.

    You have to admit the frying pan sounds great, but you don't want to go to jail, bc i imagine once you start beating the fool out of him you might not stop.  

  19. Most people will say File For divorce. That seems to be the easy way out.

    If my husband cheated on my today, we would be over. However you and your husband have 21 years of history and 2 daughters.

    Honestly I would try to get to the end of it. Find out why he was unfaithful. I am sorry your going through this. If you husband refuses and will not change and he keeps being unfaithful, I would file for divorce.

    Good Luck

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 19 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.
Unanswered Questions