For adopted persons: Have you ever searched for your birthparents?

Question

And have you found them? Was it everything you thought it would be?

Answer 1

My good friend was adopted and when she turned 18 she got in contact with her birth mom. She seemed normal at first, but constantly talked about how she had depression and was bipolar. Then within a few days she become literally obsessed with her daughter to the point where she would call, text, email over 30 something times a day. Let's just say that relationship didn't end or start very well.

Answer 2

Yes, I found my family many years ago.  Was it what I expected?  I don't think I had many expectations, I was too scared to 'hope' for anything.

It's complicated.  It's crossing over into another world.  You will find that it, no matter what the result, will make you a stronger person.  What you learn about yourself will make you more whole, less hollow-feeling.

I remember someone once telling me that reunion was 'two damaged people who are related more closely than anyone else embarking on a relationship that is unknown by most' and that's true.

I think when adoptees search, that act of courage makes them able to accomplish more in their lives.

Answer 3

Nope!. i love my adopted parents and they love me too. i was given away and thankfully my adopted parents are good people.

i have a cousin also adopted. her parents aren't like mine.  Yet she too doesn't want to know her biological parents.

Answer 4

Have you ever searched for your birthparents?

Yes.

And have you found them?

Yes

Was it everything you thought it would be?

Actually, it was more.  Very glad I did it.

Answer 5

I was adopted at birth by wonderful parents, but still wanted to know "my story", so I search in my 40's.

Bparents were very reluctant and didn't want anyone else to know about me.  When I did contact other family, bparents refused to have further contact with me.  I don't miss them at all.

I always knew that my adoption was a success.  Now I know what a fantastic, one-in-a-million success it was.  I don't regret searching.

Answer 6

Yes, I looked for and found my birthmother (my birthfather passed away when I was a baby).

I had a good relationship with my adoptive parents, and was not looking for a replacment.

I have a good relationship with my birthmother. She is like a good friend. I also have two little sisters who I adore.

For me, finding my birthmother was a good experience. It filled a void and answered alot of questions for me

Answer 7

I know who my biological mother is, I've always known. I don't know who my biological father is and i don't want to. He had plenty of chance to be involved and never bothered so what would be different now? Too many adopted people try to find their parents expecting a fantastic reunion and to be welcomed with open arms. The reality is that the biological parent/s probably have another family that know nothing about you and they don't want the disruption. You're opening yourself up to be rejected all over again. I'm happy as i am but i can understand that some people feel they need to know where they came from, just don't expect hearts and flowers because it doesn't always work out like that

Answer 8

Why would I want to search for my birthparents when I already have a Mom and Dad who have raised me with all the love they can give!

Answer 9

as a private investigator i have located the natural parents of many people. all i can say is - these things do not tend to work out very well. i believe the level of expectation is often too great, and people are generally disappointed when their enthusiasm to meet their natural parents is not reciprocated. of course, there are some happy endings, and these can often justify the effort.

For everybody looking for their natural parents i would say this - don't expect them to have the same enthusiasm as you, and be prepared to be let down. After all, it wouldn't be the first time they've let you down!

Answer 10

no way would i want to know i like my family just fine the way it is.

Answer 11

I was adopted by my biological grandparents. So, I know my birth mother. I know my birth father's name, and have considered looking for him. I am not ready. I don't know if I ever will be.

Answer 12

No I have not searched and I don’t plan to ever search.  Do I sometimes wonder things and have questions? Yes.  However it’s not to the point that I feel a need to search down biological family.

Answer 13

I have searched for my birth parents.

Searching doesn't mean I didn't love my adoptive parents.  It doesn't mean my adoptive parents didn't love me.  Searching for my birth parents had nothing to do with my adoptive parents.  It had to do with knowing where I came from, with knowing something about my history, my origins.  

It's true that not all searches have happy endings, but a lot depends on what your expectations are.  If you are looking for the perfect parent, you will be let down.  If you are looking for answers, even if your birth parents aren't as excited as you are, searching can help provide some answers.  It's filling in the gaps of identity that adoption helps to create.  

So far, my reunion with my birth mother goes well.  I have not yet contacted my birth father, but that comes soon.  Is it everything I thought it would be?  I don't know.  I went in with as few expectations as possible.  That seems to have been very helpful.