For adoptees only... because no one else can answer it......?

Question

do you find christmas the most depressing time of the year? how do you deal with it? and ddid your efforts wok?

Answer 1

Christmas was and is allways a good time of year for me. I might have been adopted, but i am a normal person with a mother and father who love me. I dont see why people on here are saying c**p like "birthdays is just a time when we were seperated from our birth mothers" YOU CANT ******* REMEMBER IT!!! 4 GOD SAKE!!. whats with all these bitter adoptees!!

Answer 2

I'm not adopted but I feel for you. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I have 3 children and they have children(all but one) so we are a close family.

2 years ago my dad from a different state was told he was dieing so I left with my husband and youngest to go see him, My other daughter was married so she had family she could go to. My son on the other hand was looking forward to seeing his little girl but what did the mother do go out of town without telling him so he sat out side her house and cry ed.

  After a neighbor told him they were gone he said since i can't see her or his son (she put him up for adoption and he's been fighting to get him back but See's him every month but not on Christmas) he decided to stop feeling sorry for his self and try to make the most of it.

Our neighbor is a single foster mom and he went to her house and helped put the gifts together and played with the children.

when I got home all the children told me they had the best time playing ball and riding bikes and etc with my son and to thank him.  I was so proud of him and told him and he said they made a sad Christmas happy now every year he spends a couple of hours with them his daughter enjoys it to. Become a big sister to someone.

Answer 3

No I never felt depressed at Christmas as child like for most kids Christmas was my favorite time of the year I loved having family over or visiting them. Always loved it when my nephew and niece would come up (or we go there)  when we were younger, their only 5 and 7  years younger then me so we always had a blast when we spent the hoildays together. Or really  any time we got to visit.  And still do.

As far my birthday goes no again I never felt depressed or unhappy on my birthday when I was younger this was one of the few days that I thought of my birthmother.  But its not like she was on my mind all day. Or i was depressed because i wasn't with her. Mostly i just wondered if she even remembered she had me.  As I’ve gotten older my birthday has become no big deal to me honestly it just one more year older. Time seems to just fly by seems only yesterday it was my birthday and here i am 5months from it.

Kaluah are there any close friend you could spend the Christmas with?

Answer 4

Actually, I love Christmas, it is my birthday that makes me sick.

Answer 5

I agree with Sheanna. I'm not adopted but I HAVE been there and now my entire family is gone except for my elderly mom and my 8 year old little girl. You might go to a retirement home or Salvation Army's soup kitchen and help out. Also if you like animals, you might want to help at a pet shelter. They are usually understaffed at Christmas. It's been proved that hugging and petting animals is good for the heart.  I know it's not much consolation but it does take away some of the loneliness. Is it possible that you and Sheanna live close by and could all be together?

I'm sorry for both of you and wish I could do something. I really do wish you both have a Blessed Christmas.

Answer 6

I don't have that problem but if your family depresses you then you need to find somewhere else to spend Christmas.  If they're that mean to you, who cares if they're offended when you don't show up??  Or maybe invite the family you DO get along with to your house but don't be mad if they only come every other year, sometimes you just have to accept.

Answer 7

The most depressing time of year for me is my birthday.

Everyone tends to want to celebrate birthdays and for me it's devastating. During my childhood I didn't understand why, unlike everyone else I felt so sad (but I hid it so I wouldn't hurt the ap's) I acted like a "good girl" and went the the motions of pretending to enjoy the party.

Now I know, for an adoptee, a birthday is the anniversary of separation from mom. How sadistic to expect us to celebrate, and act as if it's a happy day. It's sick and sad.

Answer 8

Christmas is the second most depressing time of the year.  The most depressing is my birthday.  Unfortunately, one follows the other within a month or so, so there is some cross-over.

My adoptive family is a bit...  scattered.  I don't mean that they don't live near one another.  But emotionally.  Everyone is involved in their own things.  Getting together, the rare times it happens, doesn't often feel like a family getting together.  Around the holidays, what I want more than anything is a big, loving family.  Well, we're big, and we're loving.  But the emotional connections are a bit...  tenuous, sometimes.

How do I deal with it?  I withdraw.  I take whatever emotional support I can from them, and then start shutting down.  Things have been better since I've been married.  My in-laws are a really small family, but they are a bit more hooked into each other, and I feel more like a family.  

Before I met them, I just assumed that I was crazy for wanting something more.  Now I realize I'm just different enough from my adoptive family to feel a little lost in the chaos.  

I don't know that that helps you.  I think finding friends who are supportive and understanding can be helpful.  But they may have commitments that prevent them from being available on the holidays.  I wish I had more to offer.  Maybe it helps knowing you aren't alone?

Good luck.

Answer 9

I think it would be more depressing to be a foster child than adopted. A family loved you enough to make you one of their own. Feel blessed.

Answer 10

It is a very hard time for me.  This time of year was always special for my amom and me, but since my aparents' deaths 11 years ago it has been especially hard.  That coupled with my tenuous reunion, and seeing the close, loving interactions of my n-family and knowing that no matter how long we're in reunion, we'll never be able to "get back" the lost years, it's a sad reminder of EVERYTHING that I've lost.

Every year for christmas I have my brothers over and we make my grandma's recipe for homemade soup.  Right down to the hand-made egg noodles.  We laugh because the noodles never turn out, we reminisce about our childhood, and enjoy the antics of the kids.  (We can't believe that we are parents ourselves...we feel so OLD lol).

I don't know if my n-mom will ever get to a point where we could actually do christmas together, but I keep hoping for a time when we might be able to celebrate the holidays together...but for now, I celebrate with her in my heart.

Answer 11

i havent been adopted but i have gone through the whole "not being home with a family" for christmas before. i have been in foster care for years. almost 12 now. i really think that the best way to get over it. is to do something for the community. i know that doing something for others helps me get my mind off of it

Answer 12

I dont feel depress and I am adopted and was in fostor care. To me its the best time. I have my husband and my daughter and I have a family that loves me not matter what that is my adopted family. I know my bio family and dont think one thing about them this time of year. Just be thankful that you are in a home. Think of the kids that are out there that dont have a home. Be thankful.