For adult adoptees that are happy with their adoptive <span title="experience/life/family.....?">experience/life/family......</span>

Question

I have heard a lot of adoptees express themselves with such anger about thier adoptive expereince(s). I can understand that not all aspects of ones life is perfect (and especially at the same time), however, can you tell me why your adoptive experience/life/family is positive. What did your adoptive parents do that made your life such a good one. I am adopting a child in the future and would like to know how to allow my child a life of happiness even they they were adopted.

Answer 1

I would respond but I was told yesterday I was not &quot;really&quot; adopted because and I cannot relate to how an adoptee feels because I had may mother, That being abandoned by my father, not even told, never met my 4 older brother or their families, not knowing and not being raised as Native American so I missed out of a lot means nothing.. I am sorry but I don&#039;t count. Also I wonder why that person suddenly removed their post from my question.. Reported or knows they were wrong..

Answer 2

i was adopted by my grandparents who i called mum and dad as too me they were my parent(they passed away 4 years ago)although they were quite alot older than my parents shouldve been they were the best parents anyone could wish for,they were loving,caring and my best friends as well,i could talk to them about anything,they would always go out of there way to help me,i couldnt have wished for better parents,if i had stayed with my birth mother i would of not had the love and care that a child needs,all i can say to you is love and care for your child that you are adopting the way you would want to be loved and cared for and then your child will love and respect you they way they should,good luck too you for the future and for the adoption.

Answer 3

My wife and  I used to foster children and my brother adopted a son and daughter. In order to make your child happy  you need to focus giving them love and security, support and build their confidence. There are so many birth parents that fail , you are the childs second chance. The best outcome is that they grow up happy and confident with you helping with every life problem that lands on your door step.

Adoption is a great comittment on your part, value the positives .

Answer 4

This is on behalf  good friends of ours who have an 18 year old adopted son, who was adopted to them when he was 3 days old. He has spoken VERY openly about how happy and positive his whole adoption experience has been, his adopted mother (who has only ever been known as mom) made him very aware of the fact that he was adopted from the youngest age, giving him child-friendly books on the subject and showing him how his birth mother gave him the ultimate gift in letting him be adopted to a family that could offer him so so much more.  He is now just grateful to her for giving him that gift, but has no desire to meet her - as his family are only his adopted family, and there is nothing more than needs to be said, in his mind.  He is happy, sucessful, grounded, and an absolute shining example of how adoption can turn out wonderfully.

Answer 5

Hello,

I am 45 and was adopted at 3months old by Wonderful Parents.  I grew up in the suburbs here in Upstate NY, and when I was 18 months old they adopted my Brother Brian.  We grew up with anything a child could ever want or need.

Both My Parents worked for Eastman Kodak here in NY.  We went on Wonderful Vacations, Visited relatives regularly, Spent time with family friends, cousins, picknics and I can&#039;t find one thing they did wrong.

Oh Certainly we had our Moments as teens, where We thought our parents were evil.  But that was all part of growing up.  We lived in the same Home till we moved out, attended great schools, and for the most part had a great life.

I realize this isn&#039;t the norm for some adoptees and I feel sorry that their experiences wern&#039;t like ours.  But I Love My &quot;PARENTS&quot; with every ounce of my being.  I have never once questioned where I came from, why or how.

We were told at a very young age that we were chosen and a gift from God.  We were always loved, accepted and treated as if we were their own children.

This is how adoption should be.

If you choose to adopt, remember to never treat your adopted child different than a birth child, answer all their questions honestly and completely, Give them a life where they feel safe and secure.

If when they are older, they ask about their birth parents, Freely give them all the information that you have.  Don&#039;t feel hurt that they asked about it.  They are only searching for their heritage.  Not to hurt you in any way.

The more open your relationship is with your child, the better your lives will be.  

I hope that you are blessed with a child when the time is right.  Adoption is a blessing.  and I was blessed to be an adopted child.

Lisa from Upstate NY.

Answer 6

I got lucky, just as non-adopted people get lucky if they have good parents.  My adoptive parents told me early on that I was adopted, which was great, but I think the best thing they did was let me be myself, rather than expecting me to grow up like them.  

The only thing I&#039;d recommend that they did not do is to bring up the subject of adoption with your kid once in awhile whether s/he acts like s/he wants to talk about it or not.  The fact that my adoption wasn&#039;t discussed much because I didn&#039;t bring it up much added to my feelings of shame.  You might also benefit from reading books by  Verrier and Lifton about how it feels to be adopted.  I know this would have helped my parents a lot.

I&#039;d also either do an open adoption or expect and cooperate with your child&#039;s eventual birthparent search.  Don&#039;t feel threatened by that.  The kid does not want to replace you, just to complete him/herself, which you can&#039;t do for him/her.

In fact, it might help for you to let go of the idea that you can give any child, adopted or biological, &quot;a life of happiness.&quot;  You can make the conditions for that outcome good, but you never have complete control over the outcome of another&#039;s life.