For all you posting answers on the adoption section how are you effected by adoption?

Question

I see so many people here hating on the adoptive parents. I am curious how are you are all involved in adoption. Are you adoptee, birthmoms, adoptive parents. what makes you an expert. This is not ment to be rude by any means I just want ot know who is out there asking and answering theses questions.

Answer 1

I'm an adoptee, one who feels that adoption was a good thing for my life.

I'm in the process of looking for my birth parents.

I have recently gained custody of two related children and am moving towards guardianship.

Answer 2

I'm a birthmom and had my daughter in 1972. I hoped I was doing the best for her. I'm not an expert in anything, but I've lived the life of a bmom, which means the heartache and the depression of living a lie and keeping a secret. I can't talk for anyone but myself. My bdaughter had a great amom, but even with her amom, she still has issues with abandonment. We have both been in counseling and it has helped some but I still have plenty of guilt to live with.

Answer 3

I am a firstmom who was promised an "open" adoption and then it was closed.

I hate the adoption industry and the way it is practiced here in the United Sates. My experience, as a friend said, could be written as a book and be put in the True Crime section of the bookstore.

I don't hate AP's. There are many on here who I have great respect for. I DO have issues with the AP's of my daughter, "Lauren".

Tish pretty much said the rest.

Answer 4

Adoptive mom via international adoption.

Thanks for asking.

Answer 5

i dont believe adoption is a good thing. i figure u either have the baby or dont have it all so when the baby gets older the child wont have to worry bout where its mother is at. vice versa

Answer 6

I adopted my first child out when I was 16 a typical  play up fall pregnant story. I had to think with my head an not my heart as there were no such things as pensions 39 yrs ago. Knowing I could love him , wasn't sufficient to feed and clothe him, so I made the hardest decision of my life and signed the adoption papers. It  broke my heart but knew it was the best thing for him at that time.I always  got through by thinking one day I will see him again but wasnt easy not a day went past that I didnt think about him and when birthdays were there it was  sooooooo hard! But I have a  happy ending, We found each other 13 yrs ago and have a very close relationship, as we are both alike our birthdays are a day apart. I have 2 other children who are his full brother and sister as i married the babies father later. We are now divorced and have been for a long time. All of my family  get along  great , so I  am blessed with  being one of the fortunate ones that has a happy ending. It is not an easy choice to sign your child away believe me and one that needs to be thought of long and hard! I also get along fine with his adoptive parents well only his Mum is alive now as his Dad passed away some years ago now but we did meet, they were actually the ones who instigated the search not knowing that  My family was  about to do the same thing. Oh and I am Mum to him and Nanna to  my grandchildren and have been since the  first meeting. It was his choice!

Answer 7

I am the legal guardian, in the adoption process. I have had the boys for almost 4 years now. I am by no means an expert but have spent a few years dealing with the foster care and adoption system.

Answer 8

I am the mother of a wonderful son who we adopted through foster care - family adoptions.

My grandmother was adopted way back in 1927 or so.

My best friend growing up through church is adopted, but unlike most adoptees does not have a desire to find birth parents.

Answer 9

I'm an adoptive mom.  When I first came to this site, I thought the same thing--wait! Why does everyone think of me as the bad guy for adopting?  But, as I kept reading and listening, and hearing some real stories from real adoptees, and real first moms, I began to understand the anger we read in their messages.  The anger is really about a system that is far from perfect.  A system which is WAY past the time for some major reforms.  There are LOTS of illegal adoptions taking place, which all of us SHOULD hate,  But, even in the legal adoptions, there are some unethical things that are still happening in 2008!  After all these years, you would think that we would have made more progress than we have made.  So, I join in with all those who express their anger at a system that needs changing.

Answer 10

my mother gave up a son to adoption when i was 2, my aunt gave up a son when i was 4, i thought about giving my daughter up when i was pregnant with her, my husbands mother was adopted, my husband and i have custody of my sister and thinking about full adoption of her, and we are also soon to be foster/ adoptive parents...

Answer 11

I was adopted and it saved my life. I would of ended up worthless like the sperm donors. But my MOM, who adopted me is the best thing that happened in my life. I have a baby now as well and she spoiled rotten, I love her to death she makes me cry. My life was saved and now i FINALLY have my blood running through someone who is close to me.

Answer 12

I am an AP but in no way do I consider myself an expert.  I have learned a great deal here on Y!A which I had not expected when I first started here.  I am just here to share our story about our adoption journey because it was very different than most.  Our bio family found us to proceed with a private adoption.  Our son was in kinship care with his grandparents and was told by the state to find a family to proceed with a private adoption if that is what they chose because our son had medical needs that they did not want to place in foster care.  Once the bio family found us and we began proceeding with the process, the state stepped in and decided (in their words) that our son was a "hot commodity" because he was a Caucasian infant and they wanted to put him in the foster/adopt program so the state could get the money for placing him.  

We do not have an open relationship with his bio parents, but we do have a wonderful open relationship with our son's grandparents.  They have become a part of our extended family as if they were my own in-laws.  

We have experienced both the coercive side of adoption as well as the positive side, so I feel that I am able to contribute here from a different perspective than most.  But the thing that we all have to remember is that everyone's situation is different.  What is good and right for one person, may be a horrible nightmare for another.  We just need to be open to all points of view and leave the rudeness and insults out of Y!A.

Answer 13

I'm a PAP, adopting through foster care in Oregon.  I wouldn't say I "hate on" AP's, unless it's pretty obvious that their adoption was unethical.  But I do absolutely "hate on" adoption as a whole because I've learned a lot, and most adoptions are unethical, as far as I'm concerned.  I think adoption should be a last resort, and only when absolutely necessary due to abuse or neglect.

Answer 14

I'm an adoptee and I don't hate my adoptive parents :)  I'm quite fond of them, in fact

I know how it feels to grow up adopted and not know who I am and where I came from.  I know how it feels to be told 'your birth is none of  your business' and all the other anti-adoptee tripe that spews from the mouths of people who have never experienced growing up adopted.

I also know how it feels to see a bunch of people who have no experience of being adopted trying to tell adoptees how they 'should' think and feel and get their panties in a real bunch when an adoptee is strong enough to speak out against the lovey dovey adoption is a win-win for everyone c*ap

Answer 15

i am "affected" by adoption in many ways. and i think the term "expert" is misleading.

-i've dealt with years of guilt, paranoia and fear because i made an adoption plan, yet changed my mind.

-i've witnessed the industry d**n women who changed our minds; and call us all scammers.

-i've become angry at how f-moms and experiences of pregnant and birthing women are marginalized and co-opted, such as "post-partum (adoption) depression, "labor without an epidural" or tacky as$ t-shirts, which purport that "adoption is the new pregnancy"; just to benefit those who can't biologically reproduce or are adoptive parents.

-i abhor racism in adoption.  every time i read a posting, advertisement or website that refers to black children as "hard-to-place", "special needs", or "available for a lower cost"...i cringe; and my heart cries. black children (including the child that i almost placed) are worth MORE than that!

-i don't like how young white girls are treated like human incubators.

-i also know wonderful aparents (IRL an on-line) who didn't try to pretend the child had no first-parents, didn't fake pregnancy, labor and breastfeeding by purchasing pills, pumps, tubes, stupid little t-shirts, or claimed the diarrhea, menstrual cramps or nausea during the f-mom's labor they had was "labor." yet focused on providing a loving and nurturing environment to the children they have adopted.

my "credentials" are that i have made an adoption plan, i have changed my mind, i have been pregnant and know first hand that "adoption is NOT the new pregnancy"; and empathize with those who have been lied to, coerced, had their children taken or lost their children and mothers through adoption.

your move.

Answer 16

I am a first mom, bullied into giving up my son.

I don't hate a-parents.  I hate the fact that white girls are lied to in order to provide babies for a-parents instead of a-parents providing homes for children in need of them.  

My bf and I are on the fence about having children due to some recurring med problems I've had (he has 3 already).  If we adopt, I have to go out of country since we wouldn't be allowed here (I have a brain injury). Fortunately, my injury will not prevent me from adopting in my chosen country. I also appreciate the fact, that unlike domestic adoptions, this country checks up on adoptees until they are school aged. Had the state done the same thing, my son wouldn't have been raised in a home with 2 alcoholics.

Answer 17

Natural mom and reunited adoptee here.

Answer 18

I am a birthmom to a 1 year old little girl. She was born Feb. 19th 07 and her parents are the best! I chose adoption because I then was a young mom of 1 already. Its not that i couldnt love her and care for her, but her dad was a crazy person. He would have done anything to see us in harm. Even my 1st daughter, I did it for the best of her. She now lives in Arizona and has the best life I could ever have wanted for her.

Answer 19

I am a birthmom that ALMOST lost my rights to my daughter, and she was almost adopted by her foster parents. They loved her alot and I dont have ANY hard feelings toward them at all.

Answer 20

Adoptive parent of open and closed adoptions.

Answer 21

I'm an adoptive mom.  I know i don't have a lot of advice to offer just opinions.  I come here to learn from adoptees so i can be a better parent to my daughters.  I also come here to learn from first mothers.  We have an open adoption with our oldest DD's First Mom, I love her so much.  I want to better understand adoption from her point of view, so i can be there for her and support her in any way i can.



Even if i don't agree with someones point of view I can appreciate where they are coming from.  I will not tolerate rude and hurtful comments towards adoptees or first moms on Y!A or IRL.

Answer 22

I'm adopted.  I've lived adoption most of my life (since age 2.)

I'm also a former county social worker who worked directly with families in crisis, with ultimate goal to reunite/keep the families together.  I worked with a number of children in foster care, some for whom adoption was going to be the final outcome.

I'm also an active advocate for the rights of all adopted citizens.  

I don't "hate" AP's.  Heck, I was RAISED by AP's!

A lot of the AP's on here are very cool.  

Some of the biggest problems I have are if a PAP EXPECTS a child, and if an AP isn't honest about the adoption to his/her adopted child, or isn't supportive of the adopted child if s/he should choose to search later.

Have no idea what you mean by "expert."  All I can do is give you my experience with adoption, both personal and professional.

Answer 23

I'm an adoptive parent. I'm here to listen to the POV from all sides. I'm not an expert.

Answer 24

I am a firstmom.

I speak with firstmoms when others try to answer for us and do not know what we are going through.

Answer 25

I am the adoptive mother of two siblings...

I am the biological mother of two siblings who have an adopted father....

I am the best friend for 30 years with my former sister-in-law who is adopted.

I have 7 cousins who are adopted.

and my Uncle Eddie who grew up in an orphanage and waited but was Never Adopted.....

Answer 26

I am an adoptee.  I have always believed that my adoption was a success story.  After searching, I now know that my adoption was a chance-in-a-million success story!  One of the many reasons that searching was so worth while!

Answer 27

I have adopted a sibling group of 3.

My husband has two older bsiblings that were adopted Just found out and reunited with one their looking for the oldest.

Answer 28

I have three teenagers, two by birth and one by adoption.  I was also pressured to give my oldest son up for adoption by his father's parents. I found out that my son was in high demand thanks to his beautiful blue eyes and blonde curls. At least this is what the THREE social workers that came to the hospital after he was born told me. I will forever be grateful to my Mom for throwing them (almost literally) out of my hospital room and giving me the support I needed to keep my child.

My youngest son came  to live with me when he was 5 years old as a foster child. He was removed from my home and placed with his grandparents and then moved to another Foster home all within a year and a half time frame before he came to live with us permanently.

I strongly believe out Foster care system needs change. Foster families need to be screened better. Foster care Social Workers need more training, but they also need a smaller case load. My sons worker did the best she could, but she was supervising 50+ families. (not children, families) The Social Workers are overworked, stressed and most of them don't last more than 5 - 10 years in the field. Those that stick it out become desensitized. So, I am all for Foster Care Reform.

Answer 29

I am a PAP / foster mother.  I am in no way an expert (except at making PB&J...hehe) I just offer my opinion and give advice based on my experiences.  I do learn alot on this site from all it's the bashing I can't stand.

Answer 30

I have adopted 2 little boys.

Answer 31

I'm neither an adoptee, adoptive parent or birthmom. My cousin who is eighteen recently placed her daughter for adoption this past Feb. After taking her to all the adoption group meetings, taking her to meet the aparents and being her bith coach I have become a supporter of adoption, adoptee's, birth mothers and adoptive parents.

I was shocked at how many people are not educated about adoption and they see it in such a negative light. I can proudly say birth mothers are the strongest girls/women I have ever met.   :)