For better or WORSERER!?

Question

I spent Sunday evening in the hospital with some spotting at 8 weeks pregnant. I had a follow up on Tuesday with the OB she and the radiologist showed me an ultrasound of my unborn struggling to survive. The tiny little heart stops and restarts and stops and then struggles to go a little more. It was the most horrifying thing I have ever seen and I've been in combat! I cried and cried and cried, not so much at the loss I was about to have, but over not being able to help this poor darling little baby and watching her struggle for each beat of her heart. I immediately called my partner and explained the grief I had been through and told him I was coming home there was no way I could continue this day at work. It was his day off and he was in the woods hunting. I thought he'd be waiting for me...he showed up four hours later! He never spoke a word about how I feel, never asked what he could do. So I just kept quiet thinking that he is maybe grieving as well. When I finally mustered up the confindence to begin to speak about my ordeal, I told him I would really need him to go next time and he said...I'm not going, I don't want to see that! When I got upset and began to cry he told me to stop being a bi$%ch about it.

Are you F$%^ing kidding me! I don't want to see it either, but I have to live through it. I have to walk around for days at a time knowing that my baby is going to die inside me, there is nothing I can do about it but just sit and wait. What ever happened to "for better or worse" some best friend huh?

Answer 1

I'm sorry ,both about the baby and about your partner .When I lost a baby at 20 weeks ,I called my dH and asked him to meet me at the hospital ,he did not come ! ,then my daughter who was 12 called him and he did not come ,then the nurse ,by then I had lost the baby but I did not want to tell him on the phone ,he still did not come and I ended up ringing him just before I went into surgery to tell him on the phone that his baby was dead ...this was 6 years ago and I do not think I have really trusted him to be there for me since ...I know he grieved the loss too ,I know it was hard on him but he let me lay there alone bleeding while he stayed at work 5 min drive away ...It hurts and it hurts the relationship ...if he wakes up and realises what he did it will still take you a long time to trust him again...again sorry I do understand ...

Answer 2

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I lost two babies but am honestly very thankful because I was married to a jerk!!! I didn't need to have that man in my life for the rest of my life.

Please be strong and if you are a praying woman do that as well..It helped me get through that time.

I wouldn't bother to speak to your partner about it. Not now, if he's already verbally attacking you for your needing his support then realize he's not your support at this time.  I wish I could give you a big hug.. but I'm sure all of us on here are sending good thoughts to you right now. Be strong and best wishes.

Answer 3

Oh my goodness... First of all I'm so sorry you had to watch that. I'm sure it was devastating to say the least. Your partner sounds like a complete jerk(no offense to you) and very insensitive. This may be his way of dealing with things but he has no right or reason to speak to you that way.

Sit him down and calmly discuss it. Men tend to get angry when they are upset about something. He just may not know how to help or what to do and may be angry because he CAN'T do anything about it. I'm definitely not trying to make excuses for him but men don't grieve the way women do.

Answer 4

I am so sorry for what you are going through. My heart skipped a beat just thinking about what you had to go through alone-and you cannot do anything about it. Again, I am so sorry.

Sometimes people do not know how to react to things and react..well.....really selfishly. However, that is no excuse for your partners actions. There should be much more empathy for you.

On another note, your partner does not seem very supportive at all, and I would consider this a warning sign for things to come. You need someone who will be there for you, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Putting you and your situation on the back burner is not the works of a good partner. I hope you will re-evaluate your relationship with this character. Seems like this person is someone you do not want to deal with during emotional hardships. Seems like the type to rub salt in a wound. I wish you luck. For your own good, think about what this relationship really means to you and if it's worth the aggravation. My guess is it's definitely not helping you at all.

Good Luck Sweetie.

Answer 5

I am so sorry about your baby. You say for better or worse but I think this applies in marriage vow. Some guys are sweethearts and some aren't.

You may have to reconsider why you love this guy. You don't have to take some callous no caring guy.