For closure, I need to know if these instances were rape

Question

For closure, I just need to know if these instances were considered rape or attempted rape. They all took place years ago but I think still affect me. They all took place in Missouri. I know that none of this was that bad, but it really bothered me.

Instance #1. I was 16, he was 18, I did not say no but struggled and tried to get away, vaginal penetration, but he did not finish, it was a lot about power I think, he later bragged about taking my virginity. Rape?

Instance #2. Same guy and ages, he held me down I was saying no, I think I was crying, he told me to shut up and was laughing, kept trying to force it, then at the last minute backed off, seemed satisfied I was scared. He was a boxer and it isn't hard for a boxer to hold down a 16 year old girl, even if she is struggling. Attempted rape or not?

INSTANCE #3. Different guy, I was 19 he was 20, he told me if I did not perform oral s*x on him he would leave me where we were, miles down a gravel road in the middle of the night. Does oral s*x count as rape?

The first instance I barely remembered for three years, I wasn't sure if I was even a virgin or not because it seemed unclear, and the second I didn't remember at all. Then three years after those events I remembered suddenly. I looked up on the national s*x offenders list last night and found out he wasn't on it. I was in shock because I know that he was an extremely violent man who was in a major gang. I know that he has killed people, and I'm sure raped a bunch of women, abused pregnant women, he is just a sick twisted guy. He never even hit me or anything but for some reason when I realized he never was caught it bothered me A LOT last night. I went to his myspace page a year ago and saw a paragraph he put on there about how if women get raped then it is because they want it and asked for it and it isn't his problem. It was almost like an advertisement. Then he had a link I clicked on and it was an upclose picture of his p***s, so obviously I never went back to that page. At that time he was active duty Marines. I don't know how he is still in the military and not in prison.

Are any of these rape or attempt of rate? I don't know why it matters, but it does, to just know one way or the other, for closure.

Answer 1

Rape has different meanings in different states.  So it's tricky.

If you say "no" and he keeps going, then it's sexual assault.  Some places require penetration to call it rape.  Other places don't have the word rape on the books at all, preferring to call it assault.  As if all he did was punch you.

You need to see the movie Lipstick with Margaux Hemingway.

Answer 2

Incidence #1: You "struggled and tried to get away" which suggests you were saying "no" to the act, so yes, that is rape. If you do not want him to do what he is about to do and he does it anyway, that is rape.

Incidence #2: That is probably some degree of sexual assault, depending on the state you live in and what he actually did to you, but not attempted rape. When push came to shove, he didn't rape you, so there is no attempt that was thwarted. But if he fondled you or came into sexual contact with you--even if it was just rubbing against you--and it was against your will, that is sexual assault.

Incidence #3: This is a tricky one. Theoretically, you could just get out of the car and say, "s***w you." That suggests that it was not sexual assault if you do actually perform oral s*x on him. Again, consult your state's laws. Many states have laws that suggest that if some type of coercion exists, it is still sexual assault even if the girl never actually says "no."

Really what is most important here is that you are getting therapy. You’ve ended up in a lot of dangerous situations in your life and you have been taken advantage of repeatedly. Whether these scenarios were legally acts of “rape” or not doesn’t matter; they were still instances where you were victimized and made to feel helpless by men you thought you could trust. The certain legality of each situation doesn’t change the fact that it was morally wrong for each of these men to do what they did. So there’s your closure: they are b******s who did terrible things, and you need to move beyond it.

Answer 3

you need hard physical labour  

Answer 4

To me all 3 are rape 1 & 2 definatly, they knew you didnt wanna do anything and they took advantage of you, thats the thing thou they make it look like it was your fault but it wasnt, it was their fault they should have backed off, obviosly if your crying or trying to get away but dont use the word no, they knew you didnt want to do it they just didnt care.

As for 3, that to me is like a mind game kinda rape, or black mail. How dare he put you in that position!!

All of your reactions are perfectly natural, everyone reacts differently to memories of abuse, i do hope you have someone you can talk to about this abuse you have been subject to, i would get help professional help if i were you, because i too have been repeatly abused in many forms growing up, i am now 30 years old with 2 kids and a husband, but because i didnt get help years ago i now have PTSD post traumatic stress dissorder among many other mental illneses, my husband and i dont have s*x anymore because i feel like hes raping me, but hes not. Its just how my body is reacting to certain things. So yes i now am getting pro help. Please do not think that the way you react to wearing certain clothes is "not bad enough to warrant that reaction" you know your body, and you will react to situations differently to others, but that will have alot to do with the trauma you went through. I hope i have helped some way, good luck with finding peace within your self.

shaz x

Answer 5

im so sorry that happened to you. but i would say 1 & 3 are rape. but # 2 is just assult i think. I would tell someone.... or even the police. but if you think he would track you down if he found out you told im not sure what you should do.