For everyone who has ever been married?

Question

My husband cheated (admitted to it) and i just dont see him the way i used to...i mean i still love him but i've completely lost my s*x drive... how do you know when love is lost, how do you know when its over?

Answer 1

gosh thats a really hard one to answer. I am going through something very similar situation minus him cheating. I just think that you know in your heart when its over. Dont listen to your mind its only going to try to rationalize what could be.

Answer 2

Its like trying to put a broken egg back together, pretty d**n hard. Only you can say when its over for you. Just be calm when you make that decision.

Answer 3

It's sort of like when you fall in love.  You just know.

If he's not bending over, putting his head between his legs and kissing his own ***- just to make it right with you, he's not worth it.  

Answer 4

When youre on Yahoo Answers asking complete strangers if it's over.

Answer 5

First off, don't equate s*x drive with love. Second, no matter whom you're with, there will be times when you don't see them "the way you used to"; every relationship has its ups and downs. Third, figuring out your own emotions is something you need to learn to do; only you can make the call whether or not you want to be with the person and work through whatever difficulties you might be having at the moment. You need to think through things and learn to be a better judge of your own feelings as well as the feelings of others. This skill can come from experience, from contemplation, or from a combination of both. Maybe you could find a good counselor who could help you make sense of your emotions. Right now, the problem isn't so much that he cheated or that you lost your s*x drive - the problem is, you hit a bump in the road but you have no idea how to deal with it; you're flying blind.

Answer 6

a great book that can help you is" after the affair ". you can find it in libriaries or barnes and nobles . it helped both of us a lot . that is all i got to say here is a link and a preview  http://books.google.com/books?id=mF7VTkP...

Answer 7

You're going to have to dig deep for your answer. You're only going to get opinions of people on here. If he cheated, you must find it in your heart to forgive him. Many on here will tell you to get rid of him for hurting you in such a way, but that's not always the right answer. You have a life together, a past and hopefully a future. Talk about it with him. He broke the trust with you, he's got to build it back up. You wil find yourself doing things you never dreamed you would, checking his emails, his phone records, his phone, his texts, his everything. Smelling him....I know it sounds odd, but come on he cheated. You will lower yourself to find out if he did it again. I can't give you any advice but to find it within to forgive him. You will never forget but you can forgive him. If you want to make it work, then the TWO of you will find a way. Good luck.

Answer 8

You know when there is no more trust in him/her. Always wondering if he's out there with "her" when he goes out. Feeling badly hurt about something that you never deserved. Many others....but I think you know better than me.  

Answer 9

For the jerks who put in the smart as* answers - sometimes you have to put up with the coal to find the diamonds...

I can't imagine how hard that is for you, not only did he have an affair but also produced another child.  And just a month after you were pregnant as well.

A key part of intimacy is the mutual trust you have with your partner.  You want to think that they only have eyes for you and you're in it together for the long haul.  This is really the definition of marriage is it not?  Now he's taken that trust and shattered it between you two.  

No wonder you see him differently and don't have the same feelings for him sexually.  Now you have a child together and he has a child with another woman.  Now what do you do?

First I think you need to ask yourself if you can ever forgive him,  if you think it is simply not possible maybe you need to take that painful step sooner rather than later.  It will be harder on your and your daughter the longer you continue if there is no way you can ever forgive him.

Second, where is his head at with all of this?  And what of the other mother and his son?  Like it or not it's all part of the ugly situation and needs to be dealt with.

Third, if you are not in counseling now and you are both committed to making the marriage work if you can - you need to be.  Many places have programs that can help subsidize the costs, but a good counselor is well worth it if they can help you repair your marriage and restore a loving home for your daughter.

I'm very saddened at the place you are at in your life right now, I hope things work out for you either path you take.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry for you. I can't think of a bigger betrayal than that in a marriage. I think you're feeling this way because he has let you down- he's not the man you thought he was. Probably you're a little disgusted by him-he's touched another woman.

You have to really ask yourself if you think you can forgive him one day. I guess you need to look at everything- are there kids involved? Sometimes people can move on and grow from infidelity. But many can't get over it ever.

I don't envy you this decision. Good Luck and I hope you have someone close to you to talk to.