For everyone who is in reunion?

Question

N-parents; how has your spouse/partner felt about your reunion with your relinquished son or daughter?

Adoptees; how have the spouses/partners of your n-parents reacted to the reunion?

Have they been supportive? Stayed in the background? Was it easy for them to adjust to having this new family member?

I'm curious about how reunion affects the non-bio's who are still very impacted by an adoptee-parent reunion.

Thanks in advance for your answers.

Answer 1

My nmother's spouse is a really nice guy.  He has been very accepting of me and my children.

He doesn't understand why there has been so much angst in our reunion and wants us just to be one big happy family.

It's weird how supportive he actually is.

My nmom married a good one.

Answer 2

My husband just left and is spending nine days with his bio family.He has two half brothers one older and one younger.His b mother has 14  bros and sis plus spouses. plus cousins and their kids.

they are all together right now and he called to say it's hugs not handshakes. It's like he never left.

He was put up at birth due to unfortuate circumstances and finally met his brother in2002. He talked to his bmom shortly after and have finally met the whole darn family!

This was a Oprah moment not Jerry Springer.

His dad is fine with it and so is his mom but she was a little set back at first. They bio mom lives two days away so that does help her but they are an amazing birth family and we couldn't ask for anyhing more.

Answer 3

Well my husband doesn't worry about much of anything. He just goes with the flow. He hangs in the back ground I would say. When we all get together he talks for a while and then does his own thing, then comes back. But we pretty much made that an option by meeting in parks that have things going on. He isn't jealous, he knows he's always accepted, and isn't expected to be there every second, but like this last visit, he had to work so I went with a friend.

IRISH: Your an awsome man. Sorry your situation is so awkward.

Answer 4

Well, I wish that my ndad was more like Irish.  My nfather's wife was jealous immediately of my mere existence.  He told me that they were trying to have a baby but she had some hormonal problem that was making it difficult.  She was jealous of me because HE had a child and she couldn't. (?!) So, he told me he couldn't ever talk to me again because it caused too many problems between his wife and him.

I just found out last night while doing an online search that they DID finally have a son who's now 12.  He's my only blood sibling, but I doubt I'll ever meet him.  

My nmom's mother and sister were very accepting of me from the start.  I haven't yet met her husband because I haven't visited her in years, but he doesn't have any issue with me as far as I know, lol.  She never had any more children after me so I'm her only child.  I hope her husband is ok with me, I'm going to visit them in the fall.

Answer 5

My n-dad's spouse has been fantastic (so far) about the reunion. She and I emailed a lot before I met them all, and she welcomed me into her home very lovingly. It was a fantastic experience for me.

Though I'm uncertain about the future and how she will handle it if I want to hang out with him without the whole family around. He works close to my apartment and I would love to go out to lunch sometime when he's off work, but I'm afraid that she will get jealous of me wanting to hang out with him alone. I certainly don't want to cause marital problems! (and yet, I want to hang out with n-dad without children running around and a wife lingering in the background).

N-mom's partner isn't really in the picture so much, but then again my n-mom isn't really 'withit' as she's on many substances and wasn't very present mentally in our reunion anyway. Perhaps that will change in the future (crosses fingers)

Answer 6

My ndad's wife was great about me contacting him. She even sent me a welcome email. She wasnt threatened in the least. I am still a dirty secret on my nmother's side though.

Answer 7

I met my birth mother again when 19 years old. She's unmarried, so a partners reaction was not an issue.

Her father and step mother knew about me ( was adopted at the age of 6 and knew my grandfather well) BUT the step-mother (step grandma) would NOT let my grandfather see me or visa versa, she was very angry about my return. (very jealous) He died a number of years later, without us ever meeting again.

She (birth mother) sees me as her 'dirty' secret, so though she brags about my 'big' family, they are NOT allowed to know, I was ever born. She also proudly speak of how, a matron had caught her trying to kill me, by smothering with a pillow, soon after my birth. 'Mother dearest' thinks disabled babies should be killed at birth and sees nothing wrong with that. (apparently I breathed strangely -heart defect)

Dispite that, we still have a relationship, via cards, letters, and occasional phone calls-everytime she mentions telling the family about me and changes her mind in the next breathe. lol I believe she has a mental 'disorder' of some kind, so let it ride.

Birth father...  found him this past April. We email most days, but have not met yet. He told his son, straight away- my half brother had never been told about me....but says he's pleased and we are slowly getting to know each other.

My fathers spouse, has been supportive and friendly. She's written and been more than kind. They come as a package deal and I respect that.

My birth mother, does not know, I've found my birth father, she'd not like it and other family members would cause trouble. But i'm getting used to secrets. ;)

Answer 8

I'm not married, but I have told a few friends about my reunion and they mostly seem supportive, but not willing to talk much about it.  They usually ask about it as an afterthought.

I guess those who haven't lived adoption in one way another just can't fully understand the impact it has on one's life.

Answer 9

I am a biological father who reunited with his daughter two years ago. My wife has remained hostile toward my relationship with my daughter due to her insecurities and jealousies, but it has not deterred me from a relationship with my daughter. I have to live a second life, but you know what? I will live the second life as long as my daughter wants to as well till the day I die.

Answer 10

I met my 1st mom in 1983.  Her husband was very open & accepting of our reunion.  I met a 1/2 brother that I instantly clicked with.  Adored him right off the bat!  That was an unexpected event. I hadn't thought about the brothers & sisters I'd meet.

I met my b.dad in 1986, along with his wife & their son. They divorced a few years later. However, I've had an ongoing relationship with their daughter (my 1/2 sister) who has always lived with or near her mom.  Her mom is like a mom to me, even introducing me as her "step-daughter" or just her other daughter.  I love her dearly!

At one point I was lucky enough to get together with my first mom, my b.dad, his brother (my uncle), a 1/2 sister (mom's side), her children & spouse, myself & my 2 kids.  All TOGETHER in one place. I even have a picture.  

On another occassion, my 2 1/2 sisters (same b.dad) all traveled to Las Vegas to meet up.  We had lunch one day with each (1/2) sisters' moms (my b.dad had 3 serious relationships), the 3 of us, our significant others and our children.  My 1st mom had passed away.  Both my 1/2 sister's moms were warm, loving & welcoming.  It was like being in one extended family!  And the one 1/2 sister who's step dad was there, accepted us all as extended family. It was really quite magical for me!  

My adopted mom never accepted my children as her grandkids & "unadopted" me 2 days after my a.dad died.  So, to have people lovingly embrace me as extended family has been very healing!

Your question reminds me that I need to call my sister in law, whom I'd lost touch with...the one who married the 1/2 brother I met in 1983.  

Isn't life strange?  =D

Thanks for the question!

ETA: I have a friend who's a 1st mom. She met her daughter several years ago. She & the girl's father went to search for her together. Her husband is very supportive. However, she isn't "out" with everyone in her life about being a 1st mom. She told me b/c she heard me talk about my reunion.

It's sad that 1st moms still carry the stigma of having been unwed & forced to relinquish.  I'm honored that she's shared her story with me.