For my last question.. how to support a hubby unrealistic dreams?

Question

ok.. say "tom" likes to play footbal.. he is constantly at practice... games are always way.. he even considered on playing on my birthday. and then meet me later. i am always at engagements by myself.. doodling to by time. and when everyone asks where's tom.. i say he had practice.. he had a game.. and it hurts me.. last night i asked him either me or football. no doubt he said " im not quiting football". it makes me feel as tho im not equal to football. he isnt passionate about us like he is for that. when he needs new socks.. cleets...or athlete tape.. he rushes out the door for it. But when WE need fixn.. nothing but sarcastic answers and rejection. i have only been to one game. and before that i threw hima small party in which he was ungrateful for. to show my support in this. even on my birthdayhe kept complaining.. i wish i was at the game.. when he found out they lost. he had a fit! If this was something he was getting paid for.. id have to shut up.. but he isnt! there is no possible chance he going to receive any pay. this is jus recreational. please help

Answer 1

Hon, I understand where you are coming from.  My husband isn't nearly as bad as your "Tom" but it still is very irritating. I hate to tell you but from the info you've given in your question, it sounds like "Tom" has completely immersed himself into football/friends. It sounds like you have NO place in his life any longer. Why don't you move out (if you're together) for a while just to see how things go?  If he doesn't try to fix things, then you've made a wise decision.

Answer 2

I think this isn't just about football.  You are not coming first in his life and your feelings and needs are being ignored.

If there were no such thing as football after tomorrow,  he would find something else to absorb his energy, time and interest.

It is very painful to realize that someone we feel a commitment to is actually indifferent to us-- indifference is colder than resentment or dislike or anger.  You deserve to be valued.  You have tried to be a caring person to him.  It doesn't seem to be working very well.

Why don't you find someone to be a sounding board in your life and get their input on this situation?  You need friends and allies beyond your husband,  who is not really there for you in any meaningful way.