For other poets, a room with a view, comments and critique?

Question

ABANDON

An empty room and barren table

There is mold on the dishes in the sink

The water doesn't flow through the scale clogged pipe

Because like the utilities it has been cut off

The radiator clanks, but does not give heat

The atmosphere of yellowed smoke

Clinging to walls and windows is oppressive.

The room is not really empty,

Although no one has swept

The cobwebs from the ceiling

Nor done anything about the greasy roaches

That crawl on everything.

There are two souls there,

But they too young it seems

To put food upon the table.

Although one has stolen bread and beans.

This is living with abandon,

Abbadon it should be for there is no out

Nor in to it, no rescue nor release

The parents there not seen for days and weeks

Until the hangover drives them no place else

No cash remains to drown it and so

They abandon that for those they have abandoned

To beat them for their many faults

And abandon them once more.

There's nothing for it and but one thing

At earliest opportunity each soul must one day do

ABANDON!

Answer 1

This has much to say but needs more of your keen eye to fine tune. I found some lines begging to be shortened, given more impact.  

Empty room, barren table

dishes in the sink with mold

faucet open, no water flows,

utilities not been paid

abandon living, although

abandonment it should be

but there is no out, nor in

no rescue... nor release

Each person obviously has a style in writing.  This is how I would work with your words.  This has merit and a message and I like the word abandon and how it is used.  Some additional tuning in my opinion is what is needed.

Answer 2

This is excellent poetic description by which you engage the physical, emotional, and moral senses. The scene you describe is very common in America and surely in other parts of the world. We see the results every day on the Poetry and other Internet sites.

I like the way you ironically use "abandon" with its double, opposite meanings.  

Answer 3

oh My god. this is hardcore poetry here. this is really good. not a rhyme but thats perfectly okay because its a free verse wonderful. trust me id know. personally im getting a poem of mine published. keep writing its fantastic.

Answer 4

Too much truth and too much pain for secret keepers.  Thank you for exposing this, for those who cannot.  And by your last word many cycles

have been broken.