For parents who adopted from foster care How if at all do you keep in contact with the bio family?

Question

My wife and I are doing foster to adopt. While the child in foster care we are expected to keep in contact with the bio parent while they try to work their case plan. If they don't complete the plan and the state takes custody the foster parent is asked first if they want to adopt. You are not required to but you are encouraged to maintain some contact with the bio family. Obviously not visits especially with the parents who lost custody but with the extended family. After reading post on here I know how important bio family is for the child so we do plan on keeping contact. I am looking for ways people have done or you can think of doing. We have talked to other foster parents who invite the bio grandparents over for special days. They were not able to raise the child for what ever reason they felt they were to old or just did not have the space etc after they were taken but want to be a part. As long as they are deemed suitable by the state I would like to do that any other ideas.

Answer 1

How nice of you! Treat them like you would anyone else who is part of the family. They are grandparents and they will spoil them and then send them home for you to retrain. It's not a "bio" thing, it's a grandparent "thing".

You have such a big heart! Just be you, you'll be fine. I have a feeling you'll know how to handle everything just fine. There will be bumps, as there are in any relationship. Best wishes.

Answer 2

While I have no experience or true knowledge of foster to adopt, I would say that once the relinquishment is final, the state cannot tell you who the child can and cannot see.  I think its wonderful that you want to keep in contact with the extended family of the child.  Why should the state say who is fit and who is not, especially when it comes to extended family?  Keep in contact, allow visits, ensure the child that they are loved by all involved.  Don't worry about special days or stuff like that.  Have sporadic visits.  Kids love that.

Answer 3

I've heard varying thoughts on this, mainly because every situation is different.  One family uses only email (with a separate email from their usual one, no identifying information attached to the account).  This way, they are able to monitor contact, and take breaks when needed.  The mom in this case has fairly severe mental illness and has cycles of severe behavior.  So, when she is in a bad space, the aparents are able to stop contact for awhile.  Others that I know of have phone calls or even visits with family members - some even overnight visits.  Another family I know of uses the agency they went through to screen all contact (i.e. all letters and phone calls come through the agency to the family).  It's up to you and the caseworker to determine the appropriate type and amount of contact.  Good luck!

Answer 4

Of course each child is different, but if it is in the best interest of the child to have contact, then letters and phone calls are appropriate. If approved, maybe visits. My son received letters and cards and gifts from an aunt for awhile. His birth mother had died and he was afraid of his birth dad and had behavior problems and nightmares after phone calls, so we cut off contact with him. If the extended bio family are okay people who just couldn't raise him, then I would have no problem with relationship development. The more people who love and sow good things into a child the better. However, it really depends on the child and the situation and what kind of people the extended birth family are. You wouldn't want them saying things that could confuse the child or interfere with your relationship with the child. If you do maintain contact, there must be ground rules with the understanding that you are the decision makers on what is said, done, given as gifts, etc. Hope this helps.