For parents who didn't use the cry it out method...?

Question

at what age were your children able to put themselves to sleep or fall back asleep on their own if they woke up in the middle of the night? This isn't a debate on whether crying it out is right or not. Everyone keeps telling me if I don't start letting my 9 month old cry it out, she'll never learn to self soothe and put herself to bed and she'll continue to wake during the night even when she's older and need me to put her back to sleep. I don't need a lecture on whether it's right or wrong, I just wanna know from parents who didn't use the cry it out method if their children had trouble sleeping on their own when they got older. Thanks.

Answer 1

I don't honestly remember exactly when they started sleeping through the night on their own.  But, we co-slept until the youngest was about two, so I don't know if I could really answer accurately, anyway.  Their self-soothing was influenced by the fact that we were right there, anyway.  

But, once they got into their own beds, they did pretty good.  Some nights they come to our bed in the night.  Some nights they sleep on through.  

But, my take on self-soothing is that it's not necessary for an infant or toddler to know how to do that, anyway.  I don't even know if that's what they're doing, when they realize that no-one's coming when they're sad, scared & lonely, so they just give up trying to ask someone to come.  I think they're just giving up & being sad, scared & lonely until they fall asleep.  That's not the same as 'soothing' to me.  There is no confidence in that, only resignation.  

And, well, there are all kinds of things that my kids will need to learn how to do in their lives, eventually.  I'm not planning on expecting them to figure it out on their own, though.  And, I also don't plan to teach them how to do them until I know they are cognitively & emotionally developed enough to learn those skills.

Answer 2

My husband and I tried this ONCE and only once when my youngest daughter was about 5 months old. We had her in the bassinet and then she would cry when I walked away. We waited 3 minutes and I would go in and say," It's Okay, Mommy's here." But NOT pick her up. Then repeat. It lasted about 15 minutes and she cried herself to sleep. I cried the rest of the night and vowed that I would never do it again.

I rocked her and sang to her until she was 3, every single night before bed and I don't regret that, at all. I wouldn't trade those moments for the world.

Now that my kids are older, I read them a book before bed and they fall straight asleep.

They are only little once. I say rock them if that's what they want.

Answer 3

you're supposed to know the difference between a cry that needs you and one that doesn't. if you don't learn you'll never find out. sometimes your child will fall back to sleep on their own after a bit of a whimper or whatnot. if its loud then they need you...its also their tone of voice. Usually start doing that once they sleep through the night, my son started sleeping through the night at 6mths and 90% of the time gets himself back to sleep... you just have to learn what your baby is crying for.

Answer 4

Hasn't happened yet and they are teens.  

When they are grounded for trying to sneak out, or IN when breaking curfew,  I let them cry themselves to sleep.  I also take their phones and toys.  Usually takes about 3 to 5 days to get them back.  They wail, pout, shout, whine, mutter and cry. I put my fingers in my ears and say "I cannot hear you."  LOL!  They hate it but it works.

Answer 5

Always let them know that you are there, but let them cry, sounds weird. but If they know there not being left for good, when they grow they wont be scared, and if you let them cry , cry ,cry and never let them know your fine, just night night time then they will be ok

Answer 6

He started doing that around 7 or 8 months I think. My son is very independent though, he always has been like that. He just turned a year old last week, and sometimes he just wakes up to be changed or be comforted. Babies don't understand night and day though, so it's not like they wake up at night to bother us. They wake up because they need something, whether it's food, a fresh diaper, comfort, or to be covered, among many other things. I have never let him cry himself to sleep and he is a very good sleeper for his age from talking to other parents with babies his age. Good luck. You are a good parent for looking into this.

Answer 7

Fortunately my kids never really needed that, but by 9 months i do indeed think teh cry it out. Though of course if your baby is too distressed, then act on that, but you should know a "mummy come and get me" from a "mummy I really need you" cry by now :) Best of luck

Answer 8

as your child is 9 month you should be able to understand her cries. most the time she just cries for attention, and you should be able to distinguish this cry. Let her cry intitally for about 5 minutes than go settle her dont pick her up, than 10 minutes and do the same. If the cry is now frantic pick her up to settle her than repeat process. she just needs to know your there, we even layed beside the cot to let her know we are still there when se was restless than snuck out. slowly she will realise, crying gets me no where, i am still stuck in my cot, too tired to keep this up so i might as well go back to sleep. PS while you keep tending to her she will keep it up. good luck only you can break this habit she is in. The habit should be broken within a week if you keep to it every night, repeat repeat.

Answer 9

My sister in law didn't use it....I am not either....I can't tell you my story, because...I still have a two year old in my bed...but, when we do put him in his bed after he falls asleep in ours, he does wake up and come to our room.  My sister in law, didn't let my niece cry it out, and she slept in their bed until she was 3, but then my sister in law went and bought her a nice bedroom set, with Bratz dolls all over it, and she has slept in her room ever sinse.  She stays in her bed all night.

Answer 10

Mine only ever cried from the time it took me to walk from my bedroom to the nursery. I didn't let them scream of a night, because my Husband has ears and worked strange hours. I don't let my younger 2 cry out now, as our toddlers will wake.

Mine slept threw the night at around 6 months, and then if they woke I knew something was up.

My elder toddlers turn 3 in 2 months, neither have problems sleeping. It's the opposite actually, we have trouble getting them out of the bed.

If they wake up, I go in and cuddle them, and they tell me what their problem is, and go back to sleep. I don't think they need to cry about something, while Mummy can still fix it, they'll do that later in life.