For parents with ADHD/ODD kids only..how did you get your child to make more friends and be more social?

Question

i have a 7 year old who will be going into gr. 3. He is currently on adderall and doing great on it. He gets good marks in school (a's and b's). He's a good kid overall but he can get very defiant, lippy, and say some mean things when his meds wear off or he is in a grouchy mood. He has ODD so at times he tests our patience by doing things that are irritating or saying things that are mean. I dont think he knows that he even does it. He even says the opposite at times even though he knows its the other way around. Overall, he is a pretty good kid and ive seen worse behaviours or have been told that my son isnt that bad. He is alot more nicer at school than he is at home with me. Anyhow, my son has only 1-2 friends at most that maybe come over once or twice a month. I dont like the one friend so im glad that this kid lives in another area. However, Im also concerned b/c he loves to be inside the house all the time and play with his legos and puzzles and watch cartoons. He is not active and ive tried to suggest sports or camps and he blurts out, "no way. I hate that stuff". Im getting to the point now where im going to force my child into some sort of social camp or activity that involves being with o hter kids and doing things b/c its not normal for a child to be in the house all the time. I also know that he's not good at making new friends and often gets rejected or hurt by others so as a defense mechanism he has learned that its safer to play alone or with just one person. Im trying now to get him to be more social. I know deep down inside he wants to fit in and ive seen him really try to make new freinds but he ends up coming home within an hour complaining about the kids and never wanting to play with them again. However, if he finds a friend that likes what he likes, then he's hooked for life with that person but there isnt too manykids that want to stay inside the hosue all day and play legos or star wars. Can anyone help me with my son and suggest what they did to help thier kids socialize and fit in with other kids? I personally want parents with ADHD/ODD kids bc they understand the social difficulties these kids have. Im starting to just force my kid into camp or being outdoors with other kids by giving him a favorite toy and the end of the month or whenever the program is over as long as he continues and does not complain to me at all. Thats what this other couple did for there two kids with adhd (one has oDD) and two years later, they love being in the sport or activity they were forced in by their parents. Do you think this is a good idea? i always thought forcing your child into something he doesnt like was a terrible thing to do but im tired of seeing my child alone all the time or not wanting to participate in any social activity. Im worried that he wont grow as a person socially when he becomes an adult. Your responses will be a great thing to me b/c i feel so alone and have no friends with kids like mine. I have a cousin with kids with adhd but i dont want my son to go over there all the time b/c then i'll feel like im bothering them. He has gone there and loved it b/c his cousin likes star wars, likes legos and also lives two blocks from the beach. He also has ADHD and they clicked immediately. I just dont want to keep going over there and bugging them everyday. Eventually, i will have my son call over there and ask permission but we just finally met and i dont want to overdue it jsut yet. Please let me know what you think i should do about my son or what you have done in the past that really helped your kid socialize more. Another thing is that i live in windsor ontario and we do not have any type of parental support or group after the age of 5 due to limited funding. They have alot of hlep in the states, london, and toronto but our community is small and ADHD/ODD is not recognized as a disorder (yet) so alot of us parents and kids do not get any type or support after the child turns 5. There is one place that ive called and tried to contact but i nvver hear back from them. Its sad but very true. Also, its breaking my heart that my son is like this

Answer 1

I have a nephew with Aspergers and ADHD, he never wants to leave the house!

He's 11 and is totally fine with just playing video games all day. My sister had enrolled him in Karate and it worked for a little while before it was a nightmare to get him to go. He's been involved in sports, but he is such a klutz and clumsy.

It's really hard, but she keeps trying to find something (or someone!) that will spark an intrest for him. He's a science freak so he takes frequent trips to museums and things like that.

It's to the point now that she doesn't force him into anything, although he does have to spend at least an hour outside everyday (weather permitting of course) When he is outside he ends up talking with the kids in the neighborhood and ends up involved in games or whatever is going on at the moment.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

I don't have kids w/ ADHD but I have it (am an now an adult).  I was also an only child and didn't go out much (allergic to most things that grow and bees... you can imagine how much "fun" summertime was for me).

Kids w/ ADHD are often times very intelligent - do you have a local university that might offer "kid-friendly-activities"?  I lived near a college and the students had lots of stuff for the community to do -piano and other musical/drama kinds of "camp", astronomy (planetarium), history (and dinosaurs!) -- lots of things like that because the grad students had to put in so many hours doing that kind of stuff to get their grad degrees.  You could also try the local library - lots of activities for kids.

Now, you may be thinking "I want to get my kid OUTSIDE - what's with recommending all of the indoor stuff?!?" but they are good places to get your child interested/stimulated about something new - and doing it with other kids around will give him an opportunity to meet some new kids.  Then you can set up skating parties (roller, ice or skateboard -depending on where you live), or take a trip to a petting zoo - if he likes it, maybe he could help out and feed the animals on a regular basis or maybe 4H would work for him? You could also try Cub-Scouts / Boy Scouts.

Maybe he needs to get used to being around adults before he can do well with kids his own age?  Sometimes direction from adults is better taken from STRANGERS than from family - and they can help him learn more about social interaction/expectations.  Is he old enough to start doing some basic yard work for neighbors and getting paid for it?  I'd LOVE to have someone weed my front and side gardens and would be happy to pay well for it!  Or - could he start walking some dogs for the elderly neighbors?

OK - enough, I just wanted to speak up because if you find a place/some things that stimulate him, he'll naturally want to be with others who are the same - and it's a lot easier to push a group of little boys out into the yard than it is to watch 1 little boy out in the yard all by himself.

Good Luck - I hope that you can find a solution and think it's great that you care enough to jump in on this!