For people that have given up their child...?

Question

Please dont judge me. There is a lot to the story but a short summary is..abusive relationship, and no family at the time and I know did the right thing at the time ( this was 6 months ago) but I having the hardest time. I really would like to talk to people that have been through this. I am looking for support. I cant get through the day without crying and being miserable everyday. I know that this pain will never go away but I just want to know if there is a better way to cope.

Thank you!

Answer 1

Oh honey I am so sorry. Email me. I only got through those first years with a lot of help from other moms and some adoptees. I have a great support system now. I am willing to talk to you and help in any way possible. I also can hook you up with people that understand. I don't think there is one right or wrong way to cope with a pain this deep. I do think that talking to people that truly understand can be very healing. I am so sorry. You can email me anytime

Answer 2

I am sorry you are having a hard time

I never gave a child up, but know people that did

I also know people that adopted children

From reading the answers, I am glad you heard for a child of a good apotion experince and from moms

I googe birth mother support

I found these

Cafemom group: birth mom support

www.cafemom.com

Support groups @greifnet.org-for people that given their child up for adoption

www.griefnet.org/suport/

There are seveal states that have support groups listed as well

I hope this helps

I hope this is what you are look for

I hope life get easier for you

Answer 3

It's been 36 years for me, I don't think the pain ever got easier but it changed, in the beginning the birthday were really bad, I couldn't even go to work on her birthday. I'd just cry, my support group was very small because my baby was a secret from almost everyone so I lived a lie, I think that made things so much harder for me. My advice is to not live the lie and don't keep the secret, get counseling and in 18 years find your baby. After i found my baby, my life became better. You are going to cry and grieve everyday, but eventually things will get better, not great, just better. Don't hold it in, it's OK to cry for your lost baby.

Answer 4

You can call a local agency and they can probably put you in contact with other birthmoms to grieve with. They may also have group meetings that you can join. There are yahoo groups and other online groups of birthmoms that are seeking comfort and copeing tips with each other.

Knowing you did the right thing is not enough to comfort you. Neither is knowing your child will be raised with everything you wanted to her/him. You don't need to just cope, you need to grieve. I will be praying for you.

Answer 5

I have.  My daughter just turned 5 this past Saturday (which I spent in bed crying).  

I have struggled over the last 5 years a great deal.....please feel free to contact me anytime [e-mail]

for some people the pain gets easier fairly quickly....for others it doesn't.

Hang in there.

Answer 6

please seek couseling. I'm sure that's it's not easy for you to do that but in your heart that's the best thing you can do for your child. I'm sure your child will have a good future and someday you will meet him/ her and be proud. Keep praying. My sympathy goes to you.

Someone really close to me is adopted and took him 25 years to find out the reason why he was given up.

Answer 7

You ARE a mother. I'm proud of you for doing the right thing, even though it wasn't the easy thing. In my book you are a hero.

Try googling "crisis pregnancy center," in your area, and contact them for follow up counseling to help you through this. Or try your local church. You are a good woman.

Answer 8

I recommend these people:

http://www.pacer-adoption.org/

They can refer you to support groups in your area so you can talk with women who are going through (or have gone through) what you're feeling now.  

I've been going for years, even after my son found me.  Believe me, it makes a difference to talk to women who know what's going on!  

The pain lessens, and for me eventually went away.  Remember that you did what you thought best for your child.  No one has the right to judge you.

Answer 9

I have not given up a child for adoption, but I was given up for adoption.  I want to tell you that not a day goes by that I don't thank my birthmother for what she did.  I was always grateful to her, but it wasn't until I had my first baby that I truly understood how hard it had been for her to do that and how much she must have loved me.  I can honestly say that no one in my life has ever done a greater act of love for me.  I grew up in a good home and had many opportunities that I would not have been given otherwise.  When I was 26 years old, I searched for her and found her.  The first thing she said to me was, "I always knew someday you'd find me."  She was very happy to have me back in her life.  She and my adoptive mother even met a few times and they got along very well.  When I met my birthmother, she had leukemia.  I remember one of the last times I spoke with her, she told me how happy she was that I found her.  She said, "Now, I can die in peace because I know I did the right thing."  I'm still in touch with the family.  I just wanted you to know how it felt from this perspective.  If it helps, you can contact the agency you placed your baby through and tell them that if he or she ever comes looking for you, you'd like to know.  You can also give them photos and letters to place in the file.  Good luck and God bless.

EDIT:  I don't get why everyone is getting all these thumbs down answers.  It's extremely rude and ignorant to judge someone else's experience in matters such as this.

Answer 10

http://originsusa.memberlodge.org/

Answer 11

Why would we judge you? You did what you thought was best for your child. If I was to judge you, I'd have to say you are one of the best mothers I know. I know a lot of young girls who have children that should have been as caring and unselfish as you are. You will have a hole in your life. In most cases these days later in life the child finds their real parents. Many years from now maybe you'll meet and your child will know that you did the right thing. I know it's painful, but you did do the right thing. Try to think of the joy you have given to that couple. I'm sure no words can describe their joy and love for this child. It's special to be adopted. A chosen one. This makes them so precious. Your child will be raised by parent that love them very much. You truly are a good mother. One day when you're ready, you'll have other children. Then I think you'll see just how right you were. God bless.

Answer 12

http://www.adopting.org/adoptions/expect...

this is  a web site that may be able to relieve some feeling you have. i am not judging you, no one should judge someone that makes that kind of decision. I truly hope you are out of that relationship.

Answer 13

i have not  put a child for adoption

but my birthmother gave me away

if you were going though a rough time then i guess you  did the right thing .in my case i am glad my mother had given me away becasue i know live with a loveing om that i love so much

Answer 14

((Jenn))

I wish I knew where I could direct you to, but know you have my support, unconditionally.  Take care of yourself, and I hope you get some supportive answers.

Answer 15

Stinky Pete and Magic have given you some great advice.

Contact them.

Also here are some links to some forums that I know will be very supportive to you - I have been members of both -

http://www.adoptioncrossroads.net/board/...

http://adoptionthreads.com/forum/index.p...

I'm so sorry that you're feeling like a freight train has hit you.

You aren't alone.

I lived apart from my mum for 38 years - and I've also shed many many tears.

Definately talk to others. Talking to other adoptees and first mothers is what has got me through.

Take care of you.

Answer 16

All I can offer you for an answer is what my friend and eventually wife has gone through: she gave birth to a baby boy in 91 and through an illegal adoption, lost her baby. She has suffered...now waiting till hes 18...she is mentally disabled now. I hope you may be a stronger person then she.**ETA : Gee wiz,thanks for all the thumbs down...how would you "know" her "pain" ? Close minded fools. May one day you "wake".

Answer 17

Okay first things first... out of the previous seven answers, only one has actually relinquished a child.  Of all the people she doesn't need to hear from, it's those that have not relinquished.  seriously.

Now that I have that out of the way!

((((((hugs)))))))

You are about that point that I was that I started to reach out looking for someone to say something remotely useful.  I couldn't stomach one more "you did the right thing" or "someday you will meet them again" or "someday you'll have your own."  I also couldn't take what seemed like oodles of people mentioning how someone turned their life around after getting away from the good path.

What helped for me was to remember that I was and am a good person, even during that point in my life I thought I was doing the right thing.  The hurt won't stay as sharp and raw as it is now.

You are right, it indeed sucks beans even if you know what you did was right, or even if by it sucking beans it doesn't seem quite as right anymore.  There is a plurality of emotions for those who have walked our path, and I'm sorry that I can't be there in person to hold your hand through it.

Anyway, like I said before... (((((hugs)))))

Answer 18

I have not given up a child - I have six. So I know what I am talking about when I say that If you did what you felt was right for your child, then you DID the right thing. Doing the right thing for your child is rarely the easy thing. Just remember when you are feeling sad that your courage to do the right thing for your child is a gift that your child will have forever. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 19

just be happy that your baby is out there somewhere with a good loving family that wanted her. u did the right thing.  and its ok to miss your baby.