For people who are married but are going through a separation?

Question

well we've kinda hit a stump in our marriage. we argue ALL the time, we never get a long ..hes finding excuses to go out. i know hes not cheating because its both of us that's doing it. but my question is..he thought i would help to be separated for a little while. are there any couples who survived this? what was the emotion that you went through. i feel like hes never coming back. it scares me. i feel like I'm grieving the divorce already and we haven't even talked about divorce. what is it going to be like?

Answer 1

       It really depends upon the situation and your particular set  of  circumstances. I went through a separation, but we ended up getting divorced anyway.  I emotional state was horrible, I was a wreck, but there were lots of other issues going too.  What it's going to be like, that is anyone's guess.  Every situation is different, no two are alike.  Have you tried opting, for counceling or not?  Just a thought.

      Try going to this website:   http://www.drphil.com/  

      I hope this helps, let me know Scarlet!

Carol Hall

[e-mail]

Answer 2

forget the separation, just go for the divorce, i'm sure you'll find someone that you will have a great time and someone that wont treat you like that. so i wouldnt waste the money on a legal separation, i would save it and get a divorce...

Good Luck!

Rizzla

Answer 3

In my opinion, and I'm not saying I'm right, separation isn't going to help. I think you need communication. Talk to each other about how you both feel, don't fight about it and throw blame and accusations at each other. When he tells you what you do that bothers him so much, listen with an open mind and ask him to do the same when you are expressing your feelings. Remember, when he is talking, it's HIS feelings he is expressing and you should be respectful of that. In turn, he should be the same towards you. The biggest problem married couples have is communication, or lack of. Too many people don't know how to express their feelings without coming across as hostile or throwing blame on their spouse. And they really don't know how to listen! Being married requires keeping an open mind towards the feelings of your spouse. More often than not, it turns into a shouting match of who's right and who's wrong rather than a mature discussion about why you both feel the way you do. Marriage, and relationships as a whole, are about meeting in the middle...both people giving and taking an equal share. If one person wants to always complain and place blame on the other, but isn't willing to listen to the views and opinions of their spouse and have a genuine concern of their feelings, then it just won't work. Separation won't fix that. All that does is gives you a TEMPORARY break from the fight. It's like a boxing match. When the bell sounds, the boxers go to their corners and get a temporary break, but when they go back into the ring, they pick up right where they left off...fighting. Talk to your husband. If he truly loves  you and wants it to work, he will listen to you. And if you love him and want it to work, you will listen to him too. I wish you luck. Hope this helps a little.  

Answer 4

the problem with married couples is they forgot why they got together in the first place.  and more or less, forgot how to be boyfriend and girlfriend.  that's why you got together and stayed together, because you treated eachother a certain way when dating.  go back to it.  it will help.   by the way, separation is not the answer.  that just opens up the higher percentage for leaving eachother, why? because someone will come along whom will treat that person how you treated them when you were dating.  which he'll like.

Answer 5

get out now and go on

Answer 6

Try this the two of you go some place for the weekend were you can be alone.

Answer 7

If you find yourself in stress and pain now, I have some advice.  As I have grown, one thing has always held truth.  You only have one life and it is way to short.  If something in your life is hurting you or stopping your from enjoying life, then you remove it from you life.  I have made this decision three times by the means of divorce.  I have finally found true happiness and enjoy my life.  You to can be happy, but first you have to get this problem out of your life before you can move forward in search of happiness.  Good luck.

Answer 8

I think the biggest problem in your relationship is that you forgot you're supposed to love and cherish one another.  Where did this rift between you even come from?  Why is it here, and how do you go back to how things used to be when you first married?

People quit on marriages way too easily now -- it's ridiculous!  You married Til Death Do You Part, not Til Things Get Too Hard or Til We Dont Get Along.  Marriage takes work, compromise, and lots of love and care.

Call your husband, and tell him that you want things to work out.  Explain that you love him more than anything and you desperately want to fix the negatives in your relationship but you can't do that when he's not home.  Ask him to return, with a new outlook and new found hope.  If he won't return, at least ask if you could sit down and have a talk with one another.  Ask him to bring a list of everything he would change in the marriage.  You make one as well.

When you sit down together, discuss what is on your lists.  Discuss how important each thing is to both of you on a scale of 1-10.  If it rates:

1-3, ignore it and forget it.

4-6, talk about it and resolve to fix it.

7-10, you may need help from a couselor to fix these problems.  Maybe not, but they will take a lot of work.

Anyway, as long as the two of you resolve to always put your marriage first, stop petty arguments, always respect one another, and show each other the love you deserve you will be fine.

Also purchase this book.  It's amazing and really helped my husband and I through a rough patch.

http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksea...

Good luck -- and I really hope things work out for you!

Answer 9

This may not be helpful other than to let you know that you are not alone. I am going through a separation and I had a lot of thoughts about divorce early on, too. As a matter of fact, I was almost sure it would end. Now I don't know. He seems like such a different guy. Some days it has been better just to not talk at all - - -he and I now live several miles (5 hours) apart and have 2 children, well, one together and my older daughter and that is part of the issue - he refuses to continue to live with my older daughter due to her rebellion. You will adapt to the situation but still feel confused as the weeks go by. You will feel better not communicating and getting back to who YOU really are. I pray things work out for the best for you, and myself as well.

Answer 10

Well sometimes it is better to separate because then it gives him time to miss you and really it is a good way to decide what you both truly want.

Answer 11

separation = divorce 70-90% of the time

Answer 12

In my experience... separation meant she was running off and abandoning the marriage. That was in fact what she did. So... Id say that the answer to your question is that separation is just another way of saying the same thing as divorce.