For people who have given their child for adoption: I have a couple questions.?

Question

If you gave your baby up for adoption, when did you decide to do it and how did you know it was the right thing to do?

Did you use open adoption or closed, and do you wish you hadn't done it?

Did you have any children to begin with?

OR: Did you CONSIDER giving your baby up for adoption and then decide you couldn't do it? If so, why?

I am pregnant with my second, and I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

Answer 1

i m me and we will talk. i have learned a lot about adoption and can answer a lot of your questions. i had  a 1  year old when my daughter was adopted.

Answer 2

Thank-you for considering adoption!!! You'll be a hero!!! I think choose adoption is a very loving choice.  Here is an adoption # to call if you need help: 1-800-592-4725 (((((HUGS))))

Answer 3

Hey, I have been in the same situation a you.  I have a four-year old now and gave my second child up for adoption almost 2 years ago.  

The only thing I can tell you is DO NOT RUSH into making a decision. Also, do what you want to do, don't let others tell you what's right.  

I say that because I had a very open adoption.  I didn't decide until 1 week after having my child that I would give her up.  I couldn't afford her at all, but wanted her and didn't believe that money should be a reason to give up a child.  I just kept praying and finally, God gave me comfort and let me know that the child was for someone else.

Also, I wanted the family to be like my own family because they WERE going to have MY child.  So, I fired my adoption agency because they were telling me I couldn't have it this way.  I called some churches in the area from the hospital and had the pastors come out to talk to me.  After that, I found an amazing family whom now have become a part of my family.  They are my closest friends, we belong to the same church now, and I go to their house several times a week.

The funny thing is, I don't feel as if she was mean't for me. So, it just feels right doing what I am doing.  

If you want to talk, have any questions for me, or want to know more about the family-please email me.  I know how awful and hard and painful all this is for you right now.  If you need anything, please email me!

Answer 4

Please keep your child.

I relinquished my first born (a daughter) into an open adoption six years ago, and I deeply regret it. The scars adoption leaves on our souls never leave. There is an emptiness, a sense of something missing, constantly. I've had horrible nightmares, depression, and anxiety attacks as a result.

The children who are relinquished also experience loss.

Answer 5

A close friend of mine gave her baby up for adoption because she found out her husband was bisexual when she was 6 months pregnant. She had a lot of pressure from her family to divorce him and give up the baby, so she did.

It was a partially-open adoption, meaning she corresponded with the family and received monthly photos for the first year, but she didn't know their last name or where they lived. She also got to name the baby - Mariah.

It was probably the worst thing she ever did. She was depressed, upset, in therapy, gained a ton of weight. In short, it ruined her life. She made the decision based on pressure from other people and not because she wanted to do it.

EDIT: Also, my cousin almost gave up her second baby for adoption, but decided to keep it. She married the guy and now the 4 of them live together. The "baby" is 5 now.

Answer 6

I decided to give my baby up for adoption when I found out I was pregnant. I chose an open adoption so it wouldn't be like handing him into a dark void and never knowing what happened. I am glad every day that I offered my baby a better life than I could give him.

Answer 7

I don't really have a wonderfully insightful answer for you. I just wanted to say THANK YOU for considering adoption, and not abortion. I was adoped after my b-mom's mind was swayed from having an abortion. We are hoping to adopt very soon & we can't wait. I know it must be incredibly difficult for you - but you have to make the decision you know will be best for you and your baby :)

Answer 8

I am 8 months pregnant.  throughout my entire pregnancy i have been pressured by my long term live in boyfriend and his family to place my daughter for adoption.  he even went to the extreme to say if i didnt place her for adoption then we would have to break up.  well, im a single mom now and im not even a mom yet and although i did consider the idea its not something that i felt like i could do being that i know i can make a great mom.  i know motherhood will present its challenges but im smart, hardworking, self sufficient (though certainly not rich by any means) and determined to give my daughter the best in life.  if youre going to place your baby you have to do it for yourself and for no one else.  definitely dont let someone else make the decision for you.   its a very brave act and i give birthmoms so much credit.  i know im not that strong

Answer 9

When my birthmom got pregnant with me, she wanted to keep me.  Her parents forced her into an adoption she didn't want.  She had a nervous breakdown, started drinking too much, had two more kids that she abandoned  (she actually dropped them off at a friends and said I'm going to the grocery store and never came back).  I'm not saying don't adopt.  I'm just saying make sure that is what you want.  Me, I could never carry a baby, feel them move, etc and then give it up and never seem them again.  There are agencies out there that can get you insurance coverage for the pregnancy, formula and food after it's born, etc.

Answer 10

i was 17 when i gave birth to my daughter.  I knew from day one that i would carry her but that i would not keep her.  All of my thoughts were always of what was best for her only.  I knew her father and i would not stay together, i was still in high school and needed to finish as well as go to college.  i also knew that she deserved better than i could ever give her.....so nine months later after she was born, they brought her to me in my hospital room- i held her / kissed her and asked the nurse not to bring her back, and i thanked the nurse.

the adoption was through an adoption agency..i never met the parents but i do have pictures of her as a newborn.  i know that both her parents were professors at our local college....that made me very happy...she would grow up very educated.

Do i wish i had not give her up?  No...i really never have and i always knew that with all the resources available to her...if she ever needed to find me for any reason - she could.  But i know she is happy and doing well...at least i feel it in my heart.

She was my first....6 years later i had a son (i was married) ...and no he does not know of her.

No one can make this type of a decision for you....it is a pure personal decision and i will tell you in order to give a child up to someone else you have to be very selfish.  Yes you want the best for them...but you are also thinking of yourself....it is a hard decision and will wear on your heart for years.

I will pray for you to make the decision that is right for you and your child that you are carrying.

good luck  ÃƒÂ¢Ã‚™Â¥

Answer 11

I never have done it, but a friend of mine did it some years ago.

She decided nearly as soon as she found out she was pregnant; her boyfriend didn't want to have a baby and she knew perfectly well she couldn't manage it on her own.

So she contacted an agency that had the adopting family pay for all maternity costs and would allow her to have contact with the child if she chose it (she didn't).

I was at the hospital for the birth (since her loser ex-BF couldn't be bothered), and the adoptive parents were there and it was a little awkward but it wasn't horrible.  My friend just basically took the attitude that she was a surrogate mother and it helped her.  

She had never had children before so maybe it was different for her than it will be for you.

I would recommend for you that you get some counseling before hand.  You should address the issues of what your own child might have to say about learning of a sibling you gave up for adoption, as well as the emotional issues that will invariably arise from giving a child up.  You definitely need to talk to your partner as well.

I wish you luck...its a brave thing you do either way.

Answer 12

i can't imagine having to decide if i were going to keep my child or not....for me, it's a no brainer. i have adopted but never gave a child up.

i think a mother would struggle with the decision during the whole pregnancy. it would be a terrible choice to have to make. i do, however, commend you for not aborting this baby.

you need to look into all aspects of adoption but IF you decide to put the baby up for adoption make sure that's what you really want to do BEFORE getting another family involved....i've been through this. it's heart breaking for everyone involved.....

open adoption is a wonderful thing....you are able to pick the family you want your child to be with. that would help me IF i ever had to face decision like yours.

i wish you the very best of luck and IF you decide to keep that precious little baby...things always have a way of working out. again......good luck

Answer 13

I adopted two newborns through an adoption agency. The adoption was very "closed".  Even though I am glad the adoption was closed, I have wondered for years, what the birth mothers look like, and what they are doing, now.

My babies grew up knowing they were adopted. Someday we may meet the birth mothers. I search online, often, to see if the birth mothers have registered.

Answer 14

I have given a baby up for adoption. I was 17 at the time and it was not a wanted pregnancy. I don't mean "it wasn't the right time" I mean, it was against my will.

So instead of choosing to have an abortion I decided I would give the child to a family would desperately wanted to have a baby but couldn't. I knew it was the right thing to do because I was 17 and knew I would not be able to provide for the baby financially, emotionally, etc. I was a child myself. Plus, the circumstances in which they were conceived would have probably caused bitterness in the future.

I had a closed adoption. It's hard to let go and I felt it would be harder to see pictures and updates and have everything rehashed. I'm glad I did it. I would definitely suggest interviewing and meeting the family before you sign anything.

If you can take of this next baby then by all means do it. It's not an easy way out to do adoption. You think about it every single day and go through the "what if's" over and over.

Don't listen to the negative comments you'll get about "why would you give up a precious gift" or "how could you turn your back". You aren't turning your back through adoption. You are giving that baby a better life. You would be turning your back if you left them on a doorstep of a stranger.

Good luck to you. It's helpful to talk to people. Feel free to email.