For the long-time "adoption" page folks...?

Question

With your experience in this page/site/adoption category... have you found any issues that most folks in the "triad" (birthmother/adoptee/adoptive parents) actually AGREE upon?

Answer 1

Most (if not all) people here support adoption for children of abuse or neglect.

Answer 2

The most common issue I notice is equal rights for adoptees to obtain their birth records.

I was just discussing this issue with my husband over dinner. He had no idea. Initially he defended the same reason I used to: birth parent privacy. Then I put him in the shoes of an adoptee (so to speak). Now he gets it. It was interesting to see the change in thinking evolve.

I thank LaurieDB above for educating me on the subject. Sorry for rambling on.

Answer 3

I think that we can all agree that in an Ideal world, adoption would be completely unnecessary.

Unfortunately, this is not an Ideal world.

Answer 4

I think most agree that records should be open so that adoptees can have access to medical information, even heritage information, original BC. That children who are abused or neglected in some way should be removed from the abusive/neglectfully environment.

Answer 5

First to Evan H: Is that all you want is a place to rant? there are other places to do that with out scrutiny. Try www.adultadoptees.org

I think you might find it very suitable and I mean that in a good way. There are lots of people in there who rant and get their junk out without being slammed by others.

As for your question, Yes I have. Reform, OBC, coercion, and equal rights. Now if you want to break down exactly what their thoughts are, or their suggestions on change, then it gets a bit stickier, but for the most part if you ask who wants reform, who wants OBC, who wants coercion to stop, and who wants equal rights you will find that everyone can come into agreement. What AP  would not want their adoptive child to be treated equal, what relinquishing mother doesn't want their child to be treated equal, what adoptee doesn't want to be treated equal. You can say the same of each of the other things I listed. It as simple as coming up with a plan that appeals to all sides. Sounds hard but if you really want to see change you will compromise within yourselves in order to go after the bigger fish, which is not the other members of the triad.

Oh my, how could I forget Foster care. Sorry, There are some great Foster Parents out there, I think it's more about group homes and constant shuffeling.

Answer 6

I would like to think that we all agree that adoption should be about what is best for the child and not what is best for the adults.

Ok time to go to bed... little pissy tonight oops.

Answer 7

Unless I'm remembering incorrectly, most people seem to be in favor of equal access rights for adopted citizens.

Answer 8

I don't think there really is any one issue that most people agree upon.

There are some people who think about adoption as if they were adopting a puppy, or buying a piece of furniture: "I want a baby who is white with blue eyes and 165 IQ and who will be slim and 6feet 3 inches tall" type demands.

Then there are the moaners who are very unhappy and blame the entire misery of their lives on some sort of adoption event - gave up a child, or were adopted. "My puppy piddled on the carpet and it is all because of that adoption" folks.

The fantasy statistics people - "There are thousands of children in foster care who are perfect candidates for adoption" and the "It costs at least a zillion dollars to adopt and takes years and years." One guy wrote in, had adopted, and laid out his costs [I think they were about US$8,000.] and time [about 7 months] and he got 13 "thumbs down" in an hour - maybe from the OCD same person who haunts this forum.

I have learned about and really have grown to admire the people who do provide foster care - they have provided much valuable information.

My fear is that the people who had successful adoptions, or had a great life because of being adopted [me for one], will get turned off by the the unhappy ideologues that apparently are using this forum as a place to rant.

Answer 9

Never. :)