For the mothers, please answer this important question?

Question

Hey, my name is Veronica and I have been on Yahoo answers for a few months now and I love the people ( well most of the ppl on here lol :D ) on here and I love the different opinions and perspectives we can all give. I am a mother of my wonderful three year old baby boy named Ryan. I have to work to help support our little family of three but I do it part-time so I ensure that I get to spend every moment possibly with my lil guy. Now I had a very hard pregnancy (bed rest, the whole nine yards) and my son was born premature and was in NICU for two weeks after birth. It was heartbreaking to see my son with tubes and such throughout his body and not being able to hold him until he was two days old. It was a very hard time for my husband, myself and most off Ryan. My husband and I MUTUALLY decided not to have anymore children. We decided that it was in Ryan's best interest to be able to devote ourselves, physically, emotionally and financially to him. Coming from a house with 3 sisters, I know how important siblings are but my husband is an only child and never got to experience the sibilng fights and the unconditional love that comes from having a sister/brother. My son has a LOT of cousins his age, my friends' children etc and he will be starting Pre-K 3 shortly, and we take him to 'library school' once a week also so we try to surround him with other kids reguarly. But it seems that people , whether they know me or not HAVE to ask "So when you are having another one". I flat out say "we aren't" and I always get the same response. "Well you HAVE to". Really. I do? Cause the last time I checked I would have to carry this baby, raise this baby etc. I don't have to and I am not denying my son of anything by not having another child. I normally sit there and defend my decision by telling them that I feel it's better to have my time focused on one child, I feel it's better for our family to do it this way. And I always get the same snotty face, the same remark "you will change your mind when he's older". No I wont. I feel there are pros and cons of both decisions. I really do. But this is what works for me and my family. So I have decided to come up with a new tactic. This morning a lady saw my son and I and told me how adorable he was...and he just HAD to have a brother or sister. I said "Well I can't have anymore children'. Instead of the normal berating I get , I got sympathy. "Oh I understand, I am SO sorry". Isn't that hypocritical. And in all honesty, it would be VERY hard for me to get pregant again with my difficult pregnancy and all my female 'issues' so in essence I am not lying. I can't have anymore children. In fact when I was 13, I had ovarian cancer and they had to remove four cysts from me to be sure it would not spread. Technically I CAN have children but I can't, y'know what I mean. So my question to you mothers out there - is it really OK in your mind to have an only child. Be honest now.

Answer 1

It is really up to the family in question. Originally I didn't want children, period. Then god sent me my little guy and all of the sudden I realized how wonderful children are and how my whole life meant more because of him. Then I swore to only have him, period. After a while we thought about it and we decided it was time for another, after one ectopic I am now pregnant with my daughter, and my son is soooo excited. He used to be super close with his cousins and they moved so he lost the "sibling connection". If you only want one it isn't a crime against humanity, it is a personal decision. If your happy with that decision who cares what a stranger thinks.  

Answer 2

if your taking a risk on your health thats a problem your son needs you more than a brother or sister.

Answer 3

You know something, people always ask when I am going to have another child, and I say I'm done..And I too get the same exact response. My mother even argued with me, saying that I will be a bad mom and doing terrible by him because when I die (yes die) he will have to plan the funeral all on his own.

And that it is his right to have a brother or sister..and IDK for some reason I thought it was MY right!...

I love my son more than anything, but in all honesty I wasn't ready for him, and I feel I am doing the best for him by focusing solely on him.

And they make me feel obligated, like I cant wait too long because then they wont grow up together, and then it would be pointless.....Like since I started, I need to keep going.

I however disagree, I am 19 years old and by no means need to keep going LOL

-not much advice, but I relate ;)

Answer 4

WOW!  Hi Veronica!  Im so sorry you had to go through all that and deal with ignorant people!  This is entirely your husband and your decision.  If you decide to have one child, then thats the family you create.. And no need to say «I only have one child». Ppl should take the «only» right out of there!

In my opinion, before I became a mother I thought my children would have to have siblings, as i got older and started having my family, I quickly realized how much time, energy, money and work raising a child was.  Dont get me wrong i love every minute of it.. but it is a difficult job and it NEVER ends!

Therefore my opinion now would be! Its completly ok to have one child! As long as a parent is there to love and support that child unconditionally, then thats what life is all about!

And kudos to you for making sure your son has social activities that involve kids his age as well as interactions with cousins and so forth!

I work with kids all the time that are the «only» child in the family: I use that term because its the term we technically have to use, but I hate it....  anyways..  I work with kids whom are spoiled as all heck and you know what its not the «only» child in the family that shows these signs (some) most are kids that are acting out because they are left out and wanting quality attention from their parents, and ppl misinterpret that as being spoiled!

So keep your head up high, be proud and enjoy your family :)

Take care!

Answer 5

I had my daughter all to myself for 4 1/2 years before my 2nd came along.  I had to spend as much time with her before we had another to eat up all the attention.  But for me, my family was not complete until we had another child in our family and for my daughter to become a big sister to.   I could not imagine her being an only child.

It's different for every family.  But I think your approach is fine - to tell people you can't have anymore.  Especially to strangers.  It's none of their business anyway.

Answer 6

it is okay, if it is okay for YOU. not the snotty people that give you the looks, or the little old ladies in the supermarket. YOU and YOUR HUBBY.

i personally cannot imagine not having more than one. only becuase i see the way my daughter is with her brother. she protects him, never argues with him or teases him, and thankfully he means the world to her. im on my third as well, but then again, my situation, is completely different. i beleive in god and i think i have 3 becuase im meant to.

my sister has 1. she is a single mom and struggles daily. she is adamant about not having anymore. she isn't mom material though. she loves her and takes care of her, but you can tell when she needs a break, understandable, the father is in prison, and she supports her on her own.

my friend has one as well. she is mom material. they have a son that they devote their lives to. thats wonderful !! i actually had my kids far apart for this reason-i wanted to give each of my kids their own time.

if that is your decision, stand  by it. if it stops the talk, without fibbing, you can actually say when they ask "not anytime soon"-it is none of thier business that it will be never. i will say this. i wouldn't get your tubes tied or any invasive surgery for yourself or hubby to stop any future children yet. too many things happen in our lives where we regret things and change our minds. just to be safe, i would hold off on something permanant on that. it might even be your hubby that changes his mind, not you. stick to your guns and keep giving you son your time and attention, it sounds as if your doing a great job- just don't be his friend, be his mom, he needs that more. that is one thing i do see often with 1 child (not saying it will be you) i see alot of kids with no siblings become to involved in their parents lives. let him be a kid and not your buddy. god bless!

Answer 7

I think it is Ok if that is really what you want. But you talk about unconditional love from your sisters and how important that was to you, you don't sound convinced to me.

I could never just have one child myself. We have three at the moment and plan at least two more. I love it!  

Answer 8

well i am not a mother !! but if that is how you feel them that is ur decision nobody and change your mind but you .. this is coming from a women who has been trying to have kids for about 8 years now so to me if that's you feel then that's business not anybody Else's

Answer 9

Absolutely!  It is a personal choice, and it is not anyone else's business.  You do not have to have more children to please other people or society.  I feel that you are doing the most unselfish thing, devoting your time, finances, and love to once child.  You know what the risks were, and I don't blame you at all not wanting to carry another child and have another possible high-risk pregnancy.  I, too, was on bed rest with my oldest daughter for 5 months.  I was very lucky that she was born relatively healthy and full-term.  She just now outgrew her asthma.  When my second pregnancy came around, I was worried I would have the same problems (luckily, I didn't).  However, I don't feel that I will try for another one, just because financially we can not afford it.  

Answer 10

i understand where your coming from but in my life i think an only child isnt best for me.

even though after having my son 5 months ago. i said i dont want to go through that pain again. i think its worth having another one later on.

i have 2 sisters and my husband has one brother.

we both know how sibling love is.

i want my son to enjoy having a small sister or brother to play, teach, help, and love!

but it comes down to what you feel in your heart if you guys have enough love and care to bring another life into your life.

goodluck!

Answer 11

Yes it is ok. My husband don't want anymore but I do. But we both have decided to have another baby. If you are ok with just one baby and that is it, Then there is nothing wrong with that. I look at things like this. Just a year ago my husband's granny past away. I look back and see that his mother, aunt, and uncle came together and was there for one another and both me and him will not have no one. So I dont want my daughter not to have anyone to fall back on when something happens to us. But not everybody looks at it like I do. I value a big family and I always will....

Answer 12

My son is 11 and I had him when I was only  19 ( unplanned) so of course I wanted to wait for other children... well time went by so fast he is now 11 and while I do go through baby fever I can say as much as I would like to have had another child and if it were to happen I wouldn't be upset BUT we are not planning on having another child because there is too much time between kids. We get that "when is your next "  question all the time I hate that.. if it were from strangers it would be different but it is family and they don't give up!!   I understand completely what you are saying.. . I think maybe they ask because they are having baby fever but don't want to carry another pregnancy.

And I am from a family of 3 siblings and my hubby is an only child so he was done having kids before we started...lol

Answer 13

Yes your decision is fine and you know he will turn out fine with no siblings your husband did! People can be so annoying. You do what's right for you and your family, you don't need to defend yourself. If somebody asks and you don't want to "get into it" just say I don't know and walk away.  

Answer 14

I am a proud mother of a beautiful daughter, Faith. She is 6 yrs old and is literally the air that i breath. I choose not to have another child because I believe she if enough of a hand full. With homework, after school activities and plain mommy and daughter time is enough. I always get asked, how many more kids do you have, especially when they just see me with my daughter. My response, God blessed me with one. Good luck!!

Answer 15

If thats the way you feel than yes.... NO one knows what you experienced but you... And if you dont want anymore kids you have the right to make that decision... Most people just feel that two is better than one... Good luck...

Answer 16

Your fine...Those same people who tell to have another kid are probably the same people who when someone want like 4 or 5 they are say why would you want that many kids? People think that everyone wants there opinion...when they ask just keep saying it because you can't have kids. It your life it your body and its  your family you are doing what you believe so there fore you are making the best decision.

Answer 17

i feel it is totally up to the parents. some couples decide to have NO children. and some decide to have 10. now are people going to criticize the couple who have 10 and say "you have too many" like they are telling you "you don't have enough"

as long as you know that you and your family of 3 are happy with just the 3 of you, that is all  that matters!

i am sorry about your situation on not being able to have more kids, i agree with you on all that you have said.. i would find it far to heartbreaking to get pregnant again, and not be able to go all the way through it, or have minor/major problems like the 1st pregnancy you had. IF you decide maybe we should consider another child, try to adopt....

but to overall answer your question, yes it is okay to have just 1 kid!!

God bless you & your family! Best of luck to the 3 of you in the future!  

Answer 18

Yes, my son is 24 and he's okay - maybe a little more spoiled then most - but he seems fine

Answer 19

How many children people have is one of the Most Personal Decisions they will ever make. Now I wouldn't want someone coming up to me and saying  "WOW you have 3...don't you think you and your husband should have Been a little MORE careful with the birth control"?  Now of course no one would ever say that because that would be considered RUDE...but for SOME Unknown reason people seem to think it is their business to tell parents who have 1 child that they MUST have another...IMO You Don't need to JUSTIFY your reasons to US on Y/A nor to the CLODS who say these intrusive things to you out on the Street...Your Reasons for having ONE child are just that...YOUR REASONS~~Ignore the Ridiculous People~~Aloha and Blessings~~Michelle~~

Answer 20

I myself personally wanted more than one child (I have three) but there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with having an only child!!!  In any circumstance, whether by choice or not!  I admire you for making a really responsible decision.

If anyone questions your decision further, just simply say "I'd rather not discuss it further".  You don't owe anyone an explanation.

Good luck!