For those adopted & met there birth parents....?

Question

..after turning of age, how was it and what type of questions did you ask them & they ask you? Thank you.

Answer 1

well poo, i didn't see this question before I had my huge long release on your other question lmao. So please, just add the two together and i'll try to fill in any blanks....

On the first letter that I wrote to her, in the same email I sent to about 50 possibilities, I wrote something along the lines of:

I just want to thank you for life, i've had a great life, I love you, i don't want money, I just have some questions about me only you can answer....

or something like that.

She wrote me back and said she loved me, embraced me, missed me and had been waiting for this moment since we were apart. That she would take whatever she could get from me relationship wise but didn't want to pressure me beyond my comfort.

We now talk a few times a month :)

Answer 2

I found my mom online on Valentines Day 1999. She had just moved and the registry had a bit of work to find her new email addy but three days later she sent me an email. We talked on the phone that night and she asked if it was ok for her to come to the city I lived in that weekend. We met at a pub close to my adad's house and went back to her hotel room. We stayed up all night talking then spent the next day visiting family who lived close by. That night, Saturday, we stayed at a cousin's house then went back to my adad's on Sunday. Sunday afternoon we went to the place I had been staying at and loaded my things into her car.

One week after finding my mom I was finally home with her. I stayed for three years and then two more in the city she lived in. Three months after I moved in my sister also moved to be with us. Those years I spent with my mom and sister were the most wonderful years of my life. I finally fit somewhere, I had people around me who were like me and I felt loved in ways I had never imagined possible.

I love my adad too, amom  passed away when I was 14. But we had many rifts to be healed and that healing would take until just this year so for a long time having my n-family back in my life was the biggest thing for me.

I honestly don't remember what I asked her that first night. I do remember saying "so you gave me this awful nose!" her response was "nope that would be your grandpa's fault:" and we had a good laugh. Mostly I just remember looking at her and wanting to sit close to her and have her hold me. I felt like I wanted to be a small child and have her rock me like a baby. This was my MOM! I had a MOM again.

It was amazing, just amazing.

Answer 3

i found my mother at 16 it was the worst thing iv eva done she is a mess and a druggy i would tell anyone thinking about it to realy think bout it first x

Answer 4

Hi, I am a birthmom, I met my daughter when she was 30.  It was a nonaffectionate meeting, but we asked alot of questions and she brought pictures of her lifetime growing up.  I am so glad we met.  I always had her in my heart and mind.  It was really a dream come true.  Maybe she was raised in an adoptive family that didn't show alot of affection, but did love each other.  I always kiss and hug my kids.  Anyway, when she arrived, she had the same furniture, lamps and dishes I do.  She is married to a policeman, but he was killed in the line of duty, his name was Steve.  I am married to a policeman named Steve.  We both have the same type of dog.  She went to my daughters house, and she had the same sheet set on her bed that my other daughter had on her bed in L.A., so it makes me think of the problem of nature or nurture.  I could not believe the similarities.  I am a fireman/paramedic she is too.

I am glad we met.    Don't be afraid, I bet your birth mom would be so happy.  I know she has you in her heart.  Susie

Answer 5

I was found at 30.  Our first phone call was "odd" at best; she was a stranger to me but i was the focus of her obsession for 30 years.

I asked her to confirm my name on the OBC (which she did); asked her to confirm another race that i thought i was (which she did); she asked me if i had questions about med history (which i didn't but she did share); she brought me 'up to date' on the comings and goings of both sides of the birthfamily.  She asked if i had certain attributes that i could've gotten from her (which i did) and asked me if i was mad at her (which i wasn't).  I thanked her for her decision, told her it must have been tough but that i was alright.  I think that's what she wanted to hear most -- that i was  alright and didn't 'hate' her for her decision.

there was a lot of information she (and other birthparents as well i assume) want to get out.  There's years, if not decades, of curiosity, tears and other emotions that she felt had to be released -- be prepared for that -- you may not get a word in edgewise  lol    After that, i was receiving multiple calls a day, IM's, emails, etc.  It was overwhelming to say the least.

My bmom not only knew my bdad but still worked with him at the same job he helped her get after my relinquishment.  As such, she had let him know my information and he called a few weeks later as well.  When my bmom sent the first pic of her and her son, i thought "nope, they've got the wrong kid" as she is white, blond and green eyed.  I didn't know how to break the news to her that i wasn't hers .. . then, i met my bdad face to face . . .ok, lo and behold, i was a product of them because there's no mistaking that i look just like him.

Please know that reunions take work -- and lots of it.  There may be some guidelines that you, or she, may have to put in place.  There will be a roller coaster of emotions on both sides.  She may still look at you as the child she gave up and want to "re-raise" you; she may judge how you turned out and use the term "what if" a lot.  She may overwhelm you with contact at first as well . . . and by the same token, be cognicent that you don't do that to her either.

Those first few phone calls will leave you exhausted -- so many emotions, fears, joys, etc will be a lot to wrap your head around.

Another consideration is how the rest of the family may look at reunion . . . my bmom's family was wide open; had a big party to 'introduce' me to everyone.  That was really odd -- i felt like a circus freak with everyone whispering, pointing, staring just trying to find out if i had her nose, eyes. . .whatever, they were looking for some link.

On bdad's side . . .well, his wife and youngest son are fine with it; his daughters on the other hand .. .rude, non-friendly and prefer to speak another langugage to each other around me; however, i can understand their feelings.  The oldest one (about a year older than me and the next youngest one is about 6 mos younger than me and they are both by the same mom), confronted me and told me how i was a lie, etc.  I told her i was sorry she felt that her father lied to her and that she had these feelings.  Needless to say, no tight bonds there  lol

There's a lot that happens and even more that could happen when you plunge into reunion.  Everyone's story is different.  good luck.

Answer 6

I met my birthmom when I was 18 (my birthfather passed away when I was a baby).

It was great for me. It healed a deep wound in my soul. I had felt empty for years and that feeling went away that day.

I asked her if I had any siblings (I do); I asked her if she had loved me all the years we were apart and if she missed me (she did). I asked what kinds of things she liked (we are alot alike). I asked when I could meet her face to face (she sent a bus ticket the next week)

She asked me if I had a good childhood (I did). She asked if I had graduated hish school (I did, she hadn't and it made her proud that I had) She asked if I hated her for her mistakes (not at all)

Oh and I got to tell her I had just found out I was expecting and she was going to be a gramma in 7 months.

It has been 17 years since then and we are still in contat and still have a good relationship

Answer 7

i met the man who claims to be my dad...the same day i met my oldest brother and the day before i met my sister...she was the only planned meeting the other two just kinda happened...i had his name i was in the same county and state and i looked him up in the phone book it was kinda surprising that he was in there..so i called him..i figured the worst he could do was tell me he had no clue who she was...my mother is dead by the way...i asked if he knew her and he was like yeah..and it went from there..i made plans to me him the next day at walmart..i had no idea what kinda person he was..i talked to his wife she asked where i was staying etc...within the hour his daughter was at my hotel...wanted to see me...after i freaked out ..it was ok...i would be leary of someone contacting my dad too i guess...she was there the next day when i met him..he brought me pictures argued with me over how many kids my mom had...and i thought he was kinda crazy..till he grabbed my arm and said something about his daughter had a burn on her elbow...i normally mention it..and i didnt this time..he grabbed the right arm...i have this huge scar down my elbow from being burned...he claims me..he gave me pictures of him ...and he called me after i left the state..we talked for a while..about nothing...he told me his mom was mad when he didnt take me and talked about me till the day she died...he wants to kill my adopted dad...for messing with me as a kid..told him i wished if he had it to do all over again..he would take me..cause my life sucked...it gave me so much closure...i felt what i never felt before..i belonged to someone and someone claimed me...thats all i ever needed...so my dad is still alive and is well into his 70's and thats kinda cool to me...we arent close but i know where he is...and more importantly who he is

Answer 8

well my son was placed up for adoption 24 yrs ago and he still hasn`t come looking for me yet but l wish he would

Answer 9

I met my bmom at 17 and my bdad at 20.

For my bmom, I was incredibly hyper and wanted to meet everyone, and thought it would solve all my problems for ever. (That would be the honeymoon phase!)

For my bdad, I was dealing with other issues at the time and probably should have delayed the meeting, but due to various reasons, that wasn't realistic, so it was harder. He's a lovely guy and we're still in the early stages of contact, but I was just less optimistic when meeting him, partly because I found with my reunion with my bmom, that reunions didn't solve everything and partly because I was struggling with other issues at the time.

I know I had loads of questions I wanted to ask them before I met them and I'm sure they feel the same, but now I've forgotten them all. A lot of things I wanted to know I was too shy to ask, but they volunteered the information anyway which was great, like my bmom's pregnancy with me - that was interesting.

Reunions are a major roller-coaster of emotions, which I wasn't expecting the first time, and it shocked me. If you're thinking of contact, go slowly, take your time, remember you're allowed to breathe. Do research on what to expect (like you're doing with this question), there's a good website called Adoption.com with forums for adult adoptees, bio parents and everyone else connected with adoption, thats very interesting & helpful.

If you're about to go into a reunion, best of luck. I know I was lucky because both my bparents, their families, etc all wanted to know me, but sadly not everyone's as lucky. I hope you will be one of the lucky ones.

Answer 10

For me too it was like everything in my life finally made sense.

I finally could say I looked like someone. I knew where I got my brown eyes, my curly blonde hair. Sounds stupid & shallow I know, but for someone whose never known about the little things it can mean a lot.

I also knew why my personality is the way it is. I admit, I'm a drama queen, always have been..... but so is my mom & my sister. I am a very emotionally charged person.... all traits I inherited from my birth family.

Growing up I was always made to feel I was weird and mentally unbalanced for being the way I am.... well if that's true, then my entire birth family is just as unbalanced !!

There was so many mannerisms that you would never think would be inherited, after all I spent years away from them, yet I'm a living example that its nature before nurture.

The day I met my birth family, was the day I could finally really start to understand myself & who I am & where I come from.

Answer 11

I met my first mom this past summer.  It was perhaps the most amazing moment of my life.  So many things suddenly fell into place.  Truthfully, I've heard people say that you need to take notes during the first conversation, so that you won't forget what was said.  I didn't do that.  I don't remember much about our first few conversations, I admit.  But we have exchanged a lot of e-mails, so I have a record of many things we said to one another.  

I really didn't have much by way of questions.  I wanted to know her and know what she was like.  I wanted to know if all the things about me that are different between me and my adoptive family had some explanation.  I was surprised by how similar she and I are.  

It was a very positive experience.  I know it doesn't always go that way, but it did for me.

Answer 12

I'm so happy because my reunion has been wonderful.  I reunited with my natural dad in 2001.  Unbeknown to me, he had searched for me as well.  Actually, the whole extended family had discussed me over the years.  The day we reunited and looked into each others' eyes, it was beautiful.  We simply held on to each other for about 15 minutes while he cried.  He kept telling me he was sorry.  I told him there was nothing for which he should be sorry.  We were together and it was okay.  

The first thing he asked me was if I knew who my (natural) mother is.  I replied, "Patty."  He gave me the phone number for her dad.  

We have only grown closer with time.  You know, about a year ago we were just out and about and I asked him if he loved me like he would have if he'd raised me himself.  He replied right away, "Oh, yes.  Maybe even more."  

I realize how lucky I am to have such a fantastic reunion.  In many ways it's like we were never apart.  I'm close with my extended first family, as well.

I made contact with my natural maternal grandfather, who was thrilled.  Sadly, my natural mom had passed away only 7 months prior, due to suicide.  It was painful for me, but I accept that she had many difficulties.

Mostly, when my ndad and I reunited we asked each other questions about what our lives had been like over the previous 35 years.  Of course, he wanted to know about my adoptive parents, where we had lived, what my life had been like and such.  He was glad that I got to have a good home and education and that I had turned out happy and well.

We spent a lot of time amazed at how alike we are.  My husband cannot believe how much we are the same in our mannerisms, thinking, likes and dislikes.  He's not just my ndad, he's my friend who unconditionally loves me no matter what.  He reminds me every time we talk of his love for me.

Okay, so I know my story is extremely sappy, but it's mine.  I just consider myself a very lucky and blessed woman to have the life I've been given that includes this wonderful reunion that has answered many questions for me and given me these relationships.  I know it's been good for my ndad, too.  The rest of the family talks about how much reunion has healed him.