For those adoptees who are in open adoption or reunion with nmom but not nfather?

Question

Growing up what were your feelings about not knowing your biological father?

Did you often wonder if he thought about you?

Did your natural father ever try to find you?

Was your natural mother helpful in trying to locate him for you?

Answer 1

Honestly I never thought about him at all. Maybe a fleeting thought but nothing memorable.

He didn't try to find me, his wife would have LOST it if he had even mentioned my existence.

My mom was most helpful, she even offered to contact him for me when I was ready.

Answer 2

I was never in an open adoption, but a few years back I met my birth family, everyone but my father. All I get is stories of how he couldn't stand us kids and was abusive and neglectful. (We were taken by the state for abuse.) My brother actually ended up finding our father, and he was not very welcoming, it was awful in fact. He said he was glad he didn't have to raise us and that he doesn't consider himself our father.

So I've given up hope of a relationship. Actually the entire experience of finding my birth family has proven to be a great disappointment, filled with pain and sadness.

I would say that the best thing to do is keep expectations very low.

Answer 3

Ironically, my adopted son sees his nfather, however, my biological son's father left the day I found out I was pregnant.  When my son and I went on vacation when he was 17, we were in New Mexico, and he said he wished we'd gone east, and he'd have gone to meet his dad.  4 days later, we were in North Carolina, meeting his dad.  My son hadn't ever mentioned his dad much, except for the fact that he pushed me into dating, because he wanted a dad.  I always told him that his dad would have loved him if he'd ever met him.  When they were reunited, my father was in the process of dying (my dad had been a big part of my oldest son's life), and my son's dad stepped up, and slowly, but surely is being a good father figure now.  It's never too late to change.

Answer 4

my n-dad only crossed my mind when people asked where i got my height. all i knew about him was his first name and that he was 6'5.

but i got curious after i started the whole reunion process with my n-family. turns out my relationship with my n-dad is MUCH better than with my n-mom or her side of the family. and it was so great to hear that he thought about me and talked about me to his wife and his co-workers (the were SO excited to hear that I had contacted him, since they've known forever about me). It's been a super positive experience with him and I feel bad that I didn't think of him more often growing up...