For those against adoption....?

Question

Can you honestly say that you think adoption is wrong in the case of foster children? Do you think children that are neglected and abused by their parents should be raised by them even if they continue to show a pattern of behavior? Do you think adoption in cases such as these are OK?

Answer 1

I think adoption is great as long as a person adopts cause they want a child to raise and love.I think its wrong to adopt just to have a child do all your house work and stuff.

Answer 2

I guess the answer to the adoption issue per adoptees is ALL infants that are going to be placed for adoption have to go into foster care.  Since foster care is such a well run system, no child ever is abused, killed, neglected in foster care, that is what is best for the child.  Will there be a minimum amount of time the child has to be a ward of the state or minimum number of foster families that have to have the child before a loving family can adopt them?  From what I've read and personal experience it can take years to adopt from foster care, and not due to a lack of available children.   I guess this mandatory foster care will eliminate all the baby trafficking you profess occurs quite rampantly.  The only children available for adoption will be toddlers and older kids.  That's the way to punish all those unwanted babies.  Make them move from house to house, enduring the potential torment from older kids removed from abusive homes.  Don't let them go straight from the hosptial to a loving stable home because there are some agencies that are not on the level, punish everyone for a few bad apples  I don't think you can show me any business, social program that doesn't have any bad apples in it, adoption agencies are no different than any other program or business.  Most are good but a few are bad.  We need to close the bad ones, not punish innocent babies.

Answer 3

PLEASE READ WELL....

NOT EVERYONE WHO IS FOR ADOPTION REFORMS ARE AGAINST ADOPTION!!!!!

THERE ARE KIDS IN THE FOSTER CARE SYSTEM THAT NEED TO BE ADOPTED, BUT MOST PEOPLE WANT BABIES. THERE NEEDS TO BE A PUSH TO GET THESE KIDS ADOPTED,BECAUSE THEY WANT LOVING HOMES TOO.

THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON ON HERE THAT HAS SAID THEY ARE AGAINST ADOPTION NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCE. MOST OF PEOPLE ON HERE WANT REFORMS TO MAKE SURE THE CHILD IS PROTECTED.

READING IS FUNDAMENTAL. YOU JUST DON'T LIKE THE FACT THAT ADOPTEES WANT TO HAVE OPEN RECORDS AND THEY ARE SPEAKING OUT, YOU DON'T LIKE IT THAT ADOPTEES AND ADOPTIVE PARENTS WANT BETTER SCREENING OF PAP'S TO ENSURE THAT THE CHILD IS PLACED IN A SAFE HOME ENVIRONMENT. YOU DON'T LIKE IT THAT SOME FEEL THAT COUNSELING FOR THE BIRTH MOTHER IS NEEDED.

BOTTOM LINE YOU ARE ANTI-REFORM--YOU FEEL THAT AN ADOPTED CHILD'S VOICE SHOULD NOT BE HEARD.

Answer 4

Heather H have I told you lately that I love you?

Foster Care children should come first! All foster care children should have complete priority over the infant adoption industry in America.

Answer 5

As everyone knows, I believe that our son's adoption was our own miracle and his too - considering the situation he came from.  

I recently realized (thanks to another person here) that many people who seem to be "against" adoption are not necessarily against what many of us perceive to be adoption.  Many people are against the pre-birth matching of children since a bio parent has not been able to fully understand the magnitude of her decision.  If they are against foster care, it is only in the sense that some foster care programs remove children from bio parents without just cause.  I never believed that before meeting some people who did have it happen to them.  

The reality is that I think we are ALL "against" certain things in adoption.  Whether it be trolling for babies, coerced birth families, pre-placement matching, or adoptees not being able to easily obtain info, there are things to be "against" when it comes to adoption.  However, there are many good stories out there.  We just need to stay open to everyone.

Answer 6

As a waiting adoptive mother, I am disgusted with the adoption system in the US.

Agencies are corrupt, and birthmoms are pressured.  for me personally, I want to be sure the the Mom who considers relinquishing her child to me has had counselling and support to make sure this is the best option.  I am committed to knowing that they aren't giving up their baby because of pressure they are feeling.  I am also seeking an open adoption, so the birthmom and my child can maintain some contact, which is best for all parties involved.

And you know what -- this means I will likely have to wait longer for a child.  It took a lot of research to find the right agency to work with.  

And to those who are upset with the desire to adopt an infant instead of an older child in foster care, I want to try and make some sense of how I feel here.  I want a child, my child, to love and cherish.  I have to admit my own fear at being able to bond with an older child in the same way, but it is something I want to consider.  At the moment, my husband is not interested in adopting an older child, and I must respect those wishes.  But we have talked about perhaps adopting an older foster child later, after our first.  We'll see.

I have read through so many profiles of foster children, and it is heartbreaking to read the stories of the issues these children have because of their upbringing so far.  We cannot take on those issues.  We have to be honest about who we are, what we want, and what we can handle.  And I don't feel guilty about wanting a baby of my own to raise.  It is the strongest desire I have ever felt.

Answer 7

My biggest concern is also infant adoption in the U.S.  Children are commodities for needy couples.  There are people who even think they can special order a child to look like them!

I have more faith in the foster care system because for the most part, they are trying to place children in loving, stable homes.  Which to me is the whole point of adoption.

It shouldn't be the other way around.

Answer 8

I don't think anyone is against adoption children from the foster care system when the parents have proven to be unfit.  All children deserve the stability of a loving home and family.

The problem I see lamented about most often is with the newborn/infant adoption process.  This type of adoption is more often about finding a child for a family rather than finding a family for a child.  Very few infants are surrendered because "they weren't wanted."  Instead, there is a lot of pressure on young, unmarried women to turn their child over to adoptive parents.

Please read "The Girls Who Went Away" for a little more perspective on infant adoption.  Many of those women were pressured into giving up their babies or not even given the option of keeping them.  It's unfortunate but many young women were treated like baby mills for infertile couples desperate to adopt an infant.  They were sent to maternity homes during pregnancy, gave birth, had the infant taken away, and were sent home to resume their lives.

Answer 9

It is only a bad thing if you can't afford the rediculously high fees.

How can you be expected to raise them if you used all of yoursavings or owe everybody who lent the money for the fees?

Answer 10

From my personal experience, adoption was the best thing for me.

I lived with my birth parents until I was 21 months old. My birth father was killed in a car wreck. My birth mother had a drug problem and when she got the life insurance ($20,000 in 1974 which was alot to a 21 yr old girl), she decided she wanted to party alot.

I was neglected and abused. Neglected by her, abused by some of her boyfriends.

My birth father's parents then stepped in and had me removed from her. They adopted and raised me. I had a great childhood with every advantage they could give me, including private school.

Meanwhile my birthmom went on to have 3 more kids. I have a brother 5 years younger than me. My BM stayed with his dad until he was 6 years old and then one day she decided she was tired of being a wife and mom and took off and has never seen the boy again. (He is now 30).  I have no idea how his life has turned out as I have not yet found him.

A few years later she was with a man and had two daughters. She and he were divorced when they were 3 and 5. They had joint custody. When the girls were 8 and 10, our BM had a boyfriend who molested and finally raped them.

Our BM was stoned out of her mind when these things happened as she had never given up her drug habit.

After that, their father got full custody and raised them. Today they are 20 and 22. The 22 yr old is in jail for drug posession. The 20 yr old is doing pretty well, altho she has had a hard time dealing with the sexual abuse she went thru.

So I think that my adoption saved me from a lot of bad stuff. I do know my BM now and I do have a decent relationship with her. I don't hold what she has done against her. I really feel sorry for her that she was unable to get a grip on life and be a good mom to her kids.

I know other people are not as lucky in their adoptions and suffer neglect and abuse at the hands of their adopted parents.  So for those people I can understand how they are against adoption, especially if they meet their birth parents and find that they were better people than the ones who adopted and abused them.

Answer 11

Heather nailed it.

Answer 12

Heather is right.  I'll just add that it seems that some people (I won't say specifically you, because I don't know you or what you may or may not be thinking) become confused when someone is against adoption as it is practiced in the U.S. vs. adoption in and of itself.

Answer 13

i never came across anyone who thinks adoption is a bad thing???

Answer 14

I am so tired of these types of questions.  I am all for foster care adoption.  What you don't realize is that most prospective adoptive parents want are infants specifically  white infants.  What many of us are trying to tell you including even some of the most hard core adoptive parents is that we want it ethical.  We want adoption agencies to answer for what they do to all of us living adoption.  

Infant adoption is very different from foster adoption.  Most women who do relinquish would probably make very excellent mothers.  I know thousands that are very good parents now and would have been at the time of relinquishment.  Foster adoption is where there is abuse.  Those children deserve to have a family.  I do think that if a family in this kind of dire situation can be repaired with help then it should be.  If it can't be then the child should be placed in a permanent safe situation.

Answer 15

I think adoption has a place when it is in the child's best interest and is absolutely necessary, yes of course.

Unfortunately, that is not how the process of adoption is practised in the USA, and people stick their heads in the sand and think everything is just peachy with an adoption system that is geared toward lining people's pockets and where the best interests of the child comes WAY behind the best interests of other parties involved in facilitation