For those of you that have done foster care what did your foster kids call you?

Question

When we took our classes for foster to adopt they brought in foster kids and foster parents. (the kids foster parents weren't there) for a discusssion of how it is. One of the things that came up was what to have them call you. Many foster kids feel different already and they don't want to let people know they are in care. So when you are out with them there is some kind of code they use no This is my foster kid X

Some called them aunt or uncle those who had kids said this is my kids friends who are staying a while and they called the foster parent Mr. or Mrs. X One girl said she called her foster mom Mom because she had been in care since like 9 and was now 14. That was something she did. We will be foster parents soon and wonder if there are any new suggestions

Answer 1

My aunt takes care of foster kids and the10,11,7,and 6 year olds call her by her name,and the 4 year old calls her mom,so it all depends on how they fell,and there ages,for what they call you!!

Answer 2

i was in foster care about 2 or 3 years and i called my foster parents mom & dad but you cant tell them they have to because then they'll think your trying to replace their parent(s) its a self security thing after they live with you for awhile they'll get used to you and come to think of you as family and not a evil monster that took them away from their parents. You can tell them "you can call me mom,your name,aunt ...,etc... let them know that you're gonna do all you can to make them feel loved and they're gonna be in a safe loving place again.If you haven your own kids DON'T let the foster child(ren) think that your child is better than them.If the child doesn't want to call you mom don't feel bad they might....

1.miss their mom to bad

2.think that it means you're replacing their mom

3.they might come around later and call you mom

4.they might want to but don't want to upset their mom by calling you mom

well i hope you got something from this!

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 3

I was in foster care from the age of 11 until I aged out at 18. In that time frame I went through many foster homes.

At every single one, both me & the other foster kids would call the parents by their first names.

I came from a very small town & the foster homes that were there had been foster homes for years, so there was no hiding the fact we were foster kids. As soon as people saw where we lived... they knew.

Answer 4

Just give them as much love as possible... thats all they really need. As for the name thing, dont worry about it, it will come naturally. Best wishes on your new journey.

Answer 5

Those unfortunate children are longing for love and to have someone allow them to call mom and dad.  However, They are the ones have to be comfortable to call foster parents mom and dad and again ask them how they want to be  introduce with your friends and it is depend on the child. They lost so much in their life so you just give in a little.  Some are don't want to call you mom because if for some reasons that they have to leave and go to another poster house than they feel they lost another mom. They have to feel secure before they call you mom.  It is totally up to the child and every children are different.  Some want to be lose, some are build the wall around them so they won't get hurt again.

Answer 6

An interesting question. I have been a CASA to a child in foster care for nearly a year.  She's in a foster to adopt placement. The adoption was supposed to take place several months ago, but the foster parents are divorcing.  

Her foster mother insists on being called "mom" by the foster child.  The child had been through several placements before arriving at this home.  She uses the term "mom" for every one of her previous foster moms, & her biological mom.  

My daughter began calling my husband "dad" on her own before we ever married.  The first time she did this, we were both surprised.  

I believe kids will decide for themselves (and should be allowed to decide) what to call the adults in their lives.  You can give them the options. I think it's a great idea to discuss how they want to be identified to others (in public, in extended family, etc.).  I don't believe it's appropriate to force a child to call the foster parents "mom & dad".  Rather, let the relationship develop.

Just the fact that you're asking the question shows you have concern for the kids POV.  Good for you!  Hope this helps.

Answer 7

Wow...that's a great question.  Depending on their ages, why not give them a choice between a few options?  If they're too young to speak (it sounds like you're also asking about introducing them to others), just choose what sounds most respectful to you.  What would YOU want people to call you if your places were reversed?

Answer 8

Our kids called us Mama Jenn and Papa Josh.  What is funny is that many birth parents also call (still) us mama jenn and papa josh.