For those of you with children, which would you prefer?

Question

What would you prefer happen to your own children, should you (and your spouse/SO) become deceased- would you want them to be cared for by your family members or adopted out to strangers?

Answer 1

Definently a family member or a close friend!  My family is strange though. Did you have a good childhood experience?  If so then family!  You also have to think do you want your kids to go through what you went through living with your parents??  Its alot to think about!  Especially if you want the best for your kids!

Answer 2

Having life take your real parents is cold enough, but being forced to live with strangers (and having to call them mom and dad for the sake of THEIR ego) makes life even colder. No child could even begin to live or cope  with the death of their parents in that situation and it would create a lifetime of bad mental health. Adoption would the cruelist option available.

Answer 3

I HAVE A LIVING WILL FOR ALL MY CHILDREN FOR AN "IN-THE-EVENT-OF" SITUATION, AND THEY WOULD GO TO MY MOM/SISTER.

Answer 4

uh, duh, lol, my family. I dont have kids though.

Answer 5

I would love her to be cared for by my family, BUT I know my family is not equipped to do so.  My Dad will be 60 this year, my mom, 58.  They're really just too old to take on an infant.  My brother and his girlfriend are about to have their own, and will be struggling just to support themselves and their baby.  My brother-in-law is unmarried and in the Army, doing regular year long tours in Afghanistan and Iraq.  My husband's dad and step mom have to care for her elderly mother, and she has disabilities on her own.  My husband's mother and step dad are younger, but both not financially capable of taking on an infant (teacher's salaries are not the best).

So, while I'd love for them to take my daughter, I know none of them would be able to. I'd try to find a family that would still allow all of the grandparents and uncles to still be involved.

Answer 6

My children are adults, but if anything was to happen to them, I would ensure I would be there to care for my Grandchildren. I only recently found 8 of my siblings due to being placed in foster homes. I am 55 yrs old. I would not like o see my Grandchildren separated for any reason.

Answer 7

Definitely my adoptive family members! Preferrably my adopted brother.  

Having three natural children of my own and being a child of adoption, this is a no brainer!  Why would anyone want to harm a child by uprooting them to strangers when they have family members who already know and love their children.  If this situation were to happen (both parents die) wouldn't that be enough trauma?  Why add more?

Answer 8

Friends.

We have legal documents that specify our son's legal guardian should anything happen to both of us.  This couple is not family nor are they strangers.  They are close friends.

Fortunately we have good family members and friends who would step up in this situation.  Not only would they step up but they would give him everything he needs with patience and a calm voice.  I wasn't that lucky with my first child but whew, she's grown now.  No more worries there.

We don't exactly fit the answers you provide.  Our son would be adopted by friends,... not family, not strangers.

Answer 9

I would prefer family because they know each other already. Its very difficult to choose among your family members but its a better choice.

Another tip: get

Answer 10

Me, personally if a family member was available, willing and healthy. We made a plan for our children when we made the decision to become parents.

I would prefer they stay in the family. However, some people may choose to ask a  close friend if there is no one in your family appropriate to place the child with.

Answer 11

Definitely stay with family - hands down - no questions asked.

Answer 12

My family definately. I guess it depends on your relationship with your family. My family is some of the most wonderful people and I know my kids would get the best possible care with them. I would want my kids to be close to all the family and always have them in their life. But thats just me!!

Answer 13

It is already set in stone that if I die my husband has full responsibility for both of our children. (He is adopting my oldest son). I in no way want my family involved in raising my children... alcohol, liars, abusers, manipulators, etc.

If GOD FORBID we were to both die... we both agree that MY former IN-LAWS (yup read it right) would be given custody of our children. They would be loved and brought up the right way, and given everything they needed...minus of course me and their daddy.

As for adoption to strangers...NO... Thankfully in the even that something horrible should happen, we already have it figured out.

Answer 14

well if anything did ever happen to me or my husband 9not for a very long time i hope and by that time they would have family of there own)i would want my family to look after them wouldnt any mother

Answer 15

Wow!  So most people on here would send their children to family themselves.  And would not adopt them out.  That's interesting.

And yet it's a "wonderful" choice for other people to adopt their children out to strangers.  THAT'S a giving, loving choice.

Does anyone else see the paradox here?

Answer 16

Just curious if the people who are answering "to my family of course!" also believe that other people's children are better off with their birth/first/natural families or adopted out to strangers in cases of adoption? If its a no brainer with your kids, why not other people's kids? Why is it not important for other adoptees to know their families like you want your kids to know yours? I'm not saying this in a rude sarcastic way, I'm sincerely curious.

Lets not forget though that even adoptees who are raised by their own families member may experience grief, sadness, confusion, anger and loss at being separated from their mother the same as any adoptee, though it is favorable to losing their family altogether.

Answer 17

family ofcourse! unless you know there isnt someone in your family as a suitable caretaker..

Answer 18

I made arrangements with a cousin of mine to take my kids if something happened to both of us.  I would not want them taken in by just any family member.  If the choice was to give them to my parents or adopt them out, then I would adopt them out.

Answer 19

100% cared for by my family! My parents love my son as if he was there own kid! Sometimes it seems like I don't exist anymore because they are so crazy over him!! Anyway, they are young (44 and 43), so I think they would do a great job. Since my son is 2, he may have a hard time getting adopted (I believe most people want infants), so he would probably spend most of his childhood in foster care or an orphanage or something, which doesn't appeal to me.

Answer 20

Family first.

Friends second.

Never to adoption.

I've lived it.

I would never do that to my children.

ICK.

Answer 21

Easy.... family.

And I think it is REALLY interesting that most people are saying family or long-time friends.... yet they applaud a woman relinquishing her child to strangers.

So many times (not necessarily here, but all over the place) I hear people who encourage domestic infant adoption say that it's "not fair" to the baby, the grandparents, etc for the grandparents to help raise the baby while the mom gets on her feet... that it's better to just relinquish the child to strangers. It seems like people are against other family raising/helping to raise children in that kind of situation, yet when it comes down to it, if they had to choose for their OWN children, they'd choose family.

Answer 22

I think it depends on how old the children are when something happens to both of their biological parents. I believe that babies can adapt when they are young, we had a foster child from the time she was 7 months old to 13 months old and to that baby we were her parents, she knew that we loved her and protected her and that we were there for her, unfortunately for us the agency put her back into her biological families home where the baby is not dressed properly or fed properly and where there is drugs used in the home and the parents are constantly fighting. So that is why I believe it all depends on the childs age. I do not believe that all children belong with bio parents because as far as I am concerned this is going to s***w that poor baby up. Sorry for rambling on just very hurt still.

Answer 23

adopted out . no one in my family is mature enough, or stable enough to take care of my children

Answer 24

My husband & I designated close friends(aka godparents) to take our kids in if something ever happened to us.  They would have kept them involved with their grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins because we were all friends already.  We were relieved to not have that hanging over us when the kids all turned 18 though.

Answer 25

If my husband and I were to die, out biological kids are to go live with my natural mother (who surrendered me to adoption).  

I think it's interesting that the answers so far are so supportive of giving their children to relatives, instead of strangers.  This is an 'adoption' question, no?

It seems adoption (the act of giving a biological child to be raised by strangers) is seen as so wonderful,  is not being applauded here?

Maybe it's the kind of kids who are given to strangers, kids who are seen as 'unwanted' who should settle for being raised by strangers?

Hmmmm.

Answer 26

Definitely to other family members, you wouldn't want your children growing up wondering where their siblings are. And a family member would be connected to them and the children would still be close even if more than one family member had to adopt them. I am in that situation now myself, I adopted my grandson and other family members adopted the other four, they still go to the same church and school and see each other all the time. They are together at all holidays and family functions.

Answer 27

Because my family is so messed up I have put in the will that should anything happen, my best friend will care for my 5 year old son. I don't know about strangers, and I want my son to know my family at least, and my best friend would make sure that that happened.

Answer 28

Wow, amazing!  When it's YOUR kid you'd all want said child to remain in the family!

Why are we not encouraging every potential 'birthmother' to do the same???!! Why is adoption encouraged so in that instance

It boggles the mind

Answer 29

This is going to sound horrible to some people but i hope that when i die either my son is over 18 or that he dies with me. there is no way in h**l i would give him to my family and it would kill me again to watch him go to some strangers and get put in the exact same position that i was in. other than dying alone that is my other greatest fear.

Answer 30

Family of course! Wouldn't have it any other way...unless my family was dysfunctional =]...but thank God they are not.

Answer 31

Easy answer....my family.

Update : Sunny/Isabell?heather/and whoever else thinks you are on to something here......

just because someone choses to give their child to a family member does not make them a hypocrite because they would also adopt a baby.  I know that I could NEVER give my child up for adoption.  Doesnt make it wrong for others though.  I dont judge as I am not walkin gin their shoes.  I am not sure how these women do it.  I cannot imagine being faced with that decision.  It takes a very strong person to give their child to a loving home.  VERY STRONG and I admire their strength with every ounce of my being.  

Let me use this situation as an example, the Agency I am with just informed that a woman gave birth yesterday...didnt want to see her child and didnt care who adopted the child and did not have any interest in keeping in contact.  So what do you think should happen to that child then.  If I was legally ready here and next on the list I would adopt that child so fast your head would spin...doesnt mean I should be able to put my child up for adoption....AND let me add this too.  If my husband and I die I would want both my children (adopted and bio) to be given to a family member.  SO that is another perspective for you all.