For those "coerced" into adoption, how long ago did this occur?

Question

I know that in the past many bio families were "coerced" into adoption either by other family members or by agencies. I am curious though as to how long ago your "coerced" adoption took place. Are there any recent (within the last 5-10 yrs) "coerced" adoptions?

I am hoping that we are gaining "some" ground in adoption and I want to hope that we are learning from our past so as to protect children and families in the future. I'm just curious as to when a majority of the "coerced" adoptions discussed here actually occurred to get a better understanding of our system.

Please be respectful in your answers. I am asking so that I can better understand the people here on Y!A.

Answer 1

Coerced?  Maybe not.  Certainly harassed.  My pregnant 19 yo niece was handed one of those horrid "networking cards" at the grocery store.  She was harassed by her doctor pre-birth and a nurse and social workers at the hospital after birth.  Turns out, the doctor had some friends who were hoping to get her healthy white infant.  Small town - only ob in town.  In the hospital, the nurse would not give my niece her baby to nurse and called the social worker on her.  The social worker threatened to take the baby because my niece was a single, college student, therefore, an unfit mother.  Fortunately, my sister is supportive of my niece parenting and told them to f#(* off.  That was in 2005.

My daughter has a friend whose parents forced her to have her baby adoped.  They sent her to a residential home for unwed mothers where she met other girls who were in similar situations.  She relented because it was supposed to be an open adoption.  The "nice" couple closed the adoption and moved across the country.  That was in 2002.

I think that if you want respectful answers, the question should be asked respectfully.  Your's is not.

As long as the laws in the US allow companies to buy and sell babies and allow those companies to disquise themsleves as social services agencies, there is no ground gained in adoption.  Corruption and coersion is inherent.

Answer 2

I read your edit about the word coerced being in quotes and I still am bothered by it.  Putting the word in quotes smacks of wink,wink,elbow the other person next you and say "She was 'coerced'" with air quotes.  You would be just as offended if someone took your question and asked about being "blessed" by the act of adoption.  It turns what a person believes to be real into a suspicion of being false.

I was coerced into adoption eleven and a half years ago.  It was full fold attack by family, friends, coworkers, adoption lawyer, society and *myself*.  (astrix use to bold word)

Answer 3

Tish that is a heartbreaking story. It is difficult to be pregnant, while feeling vulnerable and pressured. I am so proud of you for listening to your motherly instincts and intuition. Thank you for sharing, it should be ILLEGAL for women to be coerced as you were.  

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I'm not sure what your intention was behind using the word "cocerced" five times in quotation marks, but it seems slightly mocking and demeaning. It is as if you don't believe mothers are coerced. Do you want to understand Y!A people or learn more about coercive practices in adoption. Those seem like two different matters.

If it's the later, you might also want to read about the baby scoop era, The Girls Who Went Away by Ann Fessler, many of the tactics are still going on today

Answer 4

hi bpd-wife: i'm up wrapping presents so i'll take a break and respond to your question...a question that i think is worthy of answering.

i hope to add a bit of perspective to your inquiry.

-i became pregnant in 1991.  at week 13-14 of my pregnancy, i found out and told my partner and my parents.

-i was currently in college and my parents were vehement that i would NOT keep the baby.

-they took me to (adoption agency) in cleveland, ohio and told me that it was the best thing to do.

-the counselor asked me a bunch of questions, but was really interested in whether or not i used drugs, how many partners i'd had, or was a prostitute. they were really impressed that i attended a private university and had good grades.  i was often told that "i wasnt' like the 'other' ones out there."--burf...yag!

-honestly, i don't remember if i even said i wanted the aplan, all i remembered is that the counselor spoke primarily to my parents during the conversation.

-during the first meeting, i was told, "we have the perfect family for your baby!" they are a successful 'afro-american couple' (note the dated language) who are waiting to complete their family with a little gift from God!"

-i also remembered how nice and comforting the counselor was to me. i received daily calls to "check in on me" and was asked to get an "extra ultrasound pic" for the "parents."  

-i think for me, the coercion came into play when i was always referred to as "a birthmother" and not simply a pregnant young woman considering an adoption plan.

-we were also (the other young women who were making adoption plans and i) invited to several "birthmother brunches" and "birthmother support groups."  i usually found that the sole purpose of these gatherings was to tell us all the warm and fuzzy experiences that women who placed previously had had.  

-i also remembered whenever i'd ask my counselor a question like, what if i am not sure i want to do this?  she would get real defensive, bring up the fact that the paps would be so hurt, and that i would probably NEVER finish college. "besides" she said once, "how many of those 'case' med students and future lawyers do you think you will attract if you are walking around with another man's baby?  most professional men won't date you or marry you if they think you are 'spoiled goods'!"

(note: i dated SEVERAL 'case' men who seemed to be a bit more open minded then this woman was!)

-after i decided not to place. the tactics become stronger. i was told that the papers i signed at the agency (a release of my medical information) were legally binding; that i could have my baby taken since i couldn't prove i had any means to take care of him (i was unemployed and living with my parents, while in college); that i MADE an adoption plan, hence that was an indication that i am not fit to be a parent; i was unmarried and no judge would rule in my favor over that of a married, professional couple; and finally, that i was this couple's LAST hope a a child, since most college-bound black girls have abortions, and most poor black girls are either on drugs, keep their kids, or don't match well (yeah, the racism was noxious!)

-after i had my son, (the agency actually called the hospital to see if i'd had my baby...thank GOD we now have HIPAA!) they kept calling reminding me that i really needed to speak with "their" counselor regarding the situation. and that they willl still "help" me even though i'd been irrational the past two weeks.  i was told that "it's the hormones talking!"

-the calls stopped when my father answered the phone and said, "she's keeping her baby. don't call my f#cking how again!"

i really hope that helps.  now, i know many will chime in and say that their experience was different, but this was the h**l i went through when i chose to make an aplan.  and i wouldn't wish it on my worse enemy. any advice i would give a pap is to realize that not every pregnant woman makes a plan on her own; and that there are many many many dynamics behind relinquishment.  hence, if at all possible, avoid pre-birth matching and try to adopt after the baby is born and the mother knows she is not going to parent.

Answer 5

It wasn't a matter or coercion for me. It was a matter of being bullied and pushed into a corner. It was ten years ago and I had no choice.  Either I gave him up or they took him.