For those who are adopted and searching for your birth parents....?

Question

...at what age did you start looking and do you spend a lot of time doing it or a little time doing it? What are the most differcult parts of it? Thank you.

Answer 1

My experiences were alot like grisholm (sorry if I spelled your name wrong)

I tried very early to find my birthmother too, I wrote letters, I called anyone I thought might help, only to get nothing but doors slammed in my face because I was "too young". So I dutifully waited until I was 18, and went to stay with friends in Toronto for awhile (where I was born) to do some research on my own. I went to the adoption agency that handled my adoption demanding to speak to an adoption worker who was rude & couldn't understand why I would possibly want to look for her, but eventually relent and give me my non identifying information.

Fortunitly for me someone screwed up & in that information was my birthmothers maiden name. So I sat there & called everyone in the toronto phone book with that last name. I explained who I was, my basic details of birthdate & adoption date and that I was looking for any member of my birth family, or any info at all that might help.

I was lucky, nobody was rude, nobody hung up on me. In fact most people were exceptionally nice about a complete stranger calling them, telling me all about their family history. After what seemed to be a million calls (but was more realistically about 50) The man on the other end explained that he was my uncle, and that I was his sisters daughter.

I allowed my search to consume my life for about 6 months and focused on very lil else. But for me it paid off.

The most difficult part of searching? get ready for some iggnorant people that believe you should leave well enough alone, and not search. Roll your eyes at them & move on

Also the not knowing. I lucked out My birthmother is the most wonderful person I've ever met. She had issues at the time of my adoption, and part of me will always be angry at her for choosing the adoption route and robbing me of knowing her all those years.

For a few years I also searched for my birthfather, but I've since given up on that search. To be honest, I don't think my birthmother knows who my father is. I know that makes her sound bad, but that's just the reality of my situation.

Best of luck to you !!

Answer 2

I wanted to know since I was a young adult and started searching around 18 but hit soo many brick walls.  Well I started  my search again in 2004 by writing down all the names and trying to figure out all my siblings birthday. I truly got in touch with an angel one day who gave me some important info and w/i a week and half I located my birth family. I was from a small town where everyone knows everyone and I had a large family so I was fortunate. If you need further tips or ideas to search, pls feel free to em me and maybe I can help...I had to think out of the box b/c they wouldn't give me my records either. Even lied and said I had no Dad but lo and behold my brother kept a copy of my birth certificate that my Father signed.  I understand protecting a child but there comes a time when every adoptee will want to know where they came from and no one but another adoptee can truly know how this feels.

Answer 3

I've been searching all my life.  Searching for answers which nobody could give me. Searching faces in crowds for some kind of mirroring

As soon as I was 18 I said 'please may I have my records now'.  Imagine my surprise when I was told that they were not available - to me!   The most difficult part is folks telling me I'm wrong to want answers to my questions and the whole truth of my origins.  The constant doors slammed in your face is the hardest part along with the view that there must have been something wrong with my upbringing or something, which  of course, has nothing to do with it.

I'll be searching until I have the truth and all the answers

Answer 4

I'm not adopted, but I've never met my biological father, and I've been looking on and off for about the past 10 years...more so diligently in the past 2 years than I have before.  I know he was in the army, so that's where I've started.  I've spent tons of time emailing people that were at the same base he was at, I've searched for military records and contacted soldiers at recruiting bases (no luck as of yet, as it's proving difficult to get records of someone you don't really know much about!)  The most difficult part for me has been how little I know about him and that resulting in not many people being able to help, plus not really knowing where to turn for help when so many doors seem to keep closing.

Answer 5

well, i was adopted, but I'm in reunion.

I'm not searching anymore, but I can answer for when I was?

I tried searching when I was 13. I wrote all of the older people I trusted ( aside from my aparents) and asked them to help me find my parents. They declined, and told my aparents.

I tried again at 16 when i got my liscense, i drove to the courthouse and tried to get my records by myself. I was denied and told I had to be 18 to request them.

I went back at 18, and was denied. I didn't understand sealed records at that time. I thought that I could just walk in and get my information. I'll never forget the look she gave me too "you can't have your birth certificate, its sealed for your protection."

I didn't search again for 3 years. And then one day, I just decided to, and I skiped school for 2 weeks and went to the library every day and searched, and I found her and him. We confirmed through a picture she was given of me through the agency ( thats what she thought an "open adoption" was) she requested an update as they promised her she'd get every year, and never got a reply. She wrote them twice a year for 12 years and on my twelve birthday she flew back to my state and went to them and they gave her a picture of me that they'd been holding since I was 2. The worker forgot that my last name was typed on the back of it.

She got my email with my last name and new instantly that it was me. I have the same picture she has.

The most difficult parts? Knowing how much of a wonderful being I've missed, who loved me, was capable of parenting me, and almost died from the loss of me. Who's family says she did die on the inside and they thought she would just live in depression for the rest of her life. Nobody could help her. Until the day I found her. She woke up again, they say her spirit was restored.

Difficult parts are hearing people tell me it was best, that I would have been aborted, I should be grateful, grieving what was lost, building a relationship that should be so intact, but has boundries and struggles from the years of separation you don't know eachother like you should, so a part of you is strangers, yet at the same time, you're a part of eachother. She knows when i call and vice versa, we're connected, but at the same time, we grew up in different cultures. its bitter sweet, i've never known someone I can feel so close to, yet at the same time, i'm so far away.

I lost a part of ME from adoption. I was raised by white people and 1/2 of my family isn't white. I lost so much, that should never be compared to what I gained, its not about comparing and having to choose one over the other.

good luck in your wifes reunion.